Dear Audrey,
Tomorrow is your first day of kindergarten, Kid. You've had a lot of firsts before, but this one? This one is a doozy. I don't want you to feel pressured or anything, but this is pretty much the biggest first so far. And it's probably going to be in the top ten of all time. I mean, it's school. Your career for at least the next 13 years.
But you know what? You are ready. I mean really ready. You will do amazingly well. You will shock them with your brains and win them over with your humor. Your manners and kindness will smooth out any bumps you come across. We have prayed for the right teacher and the right classmates and we know God is going to be with you because He said so: "This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God is with you where ever you go." Joshua 1:9
And me? Well, I'm going to be cheerful and encouraging and ease your fears. I'm going to stand there and wave with a big smile on my face until I can't see you anymore. I will take lots of pictures and proudly share them with the many people that love you and are cheering you on. And then I'm going to go home, crawl in bed, and cry. Hard. Because I am going to miss you and the part of my heart that you are taking with you is going to hurt really, really bad.
This summer has been amazing. Something shifted in you that caused us to click a little better than we have over the last year and a half or so. I hate to say I began to like you more, but, well...I began to like you more. I always love you no matter what, but some seasons are just more full of "like" than others when it comes to family. And the past 3-4 months had a lot of like. I don't know if it was because of your age, or you getting glasses, or your new habit of constantly using the word "ma'am", but you have blossomed a lot and I have felt us grow closer. You don't talk back as much and your need to argue with me on every little thing is dissipating. Which is great, except that now this is happening. And I'm really proud of you and I'm really excited for you, but I'm really, really, really going to miss you.
I'm going to miss your laugh. No matter where I am in the house, if I hear you giggle, it brings a smile to my face. I love when we get our "tickle boxes turned over" together.
I'm going to miss your help. I think I probably tell Luke at least a half dozen times a day to go ask you to help him open/reach/do something if I'm in the middle of laundry or cooking dinner. If we're out of diapers downstairs or I can't find my phone or Luke needs his shoes, you are my go-to gal.
I'm going to miss our conversations. You talk. A lot. And this used to burn up a good chunk of my energy, but now our conversations are less about "cuz why" this and that and more about life and people and what matters and what doesn't. I treasure our chats and I'll miss your sweet voice filling my days and your surprisingly deep thoughts stretching my inside-the-box ideology.
I'm going to miss watching you with Luke. You are such a good big sister. You two have your moments, but you often tell me Luke is your best friend. I love watching the fun games you invent with him and the way you cuddle up on the couch to watch a show. OH, he is going to miss you something fierce.
I'm going to miss your encouragement. God has given you the gift of encouragement. You know just the right words to say to cheer someone up and cheer them on. There have been so many occasions when I have felt down and frustrated and you offer a simple, "It's okay, Mommy!" that keeps me going. Even when you don't say anything, you push me to do better and be better because I know your little eyes are on me. I want to be the best I can for you.
So tomorrow I'm going to cry and mope and MISS you. But I will also pray for you all day long. I'm going to count the minutes until I see the bus coming over the hill and I'm going to be there when you get off of it to hear every good, bad, and in between thing you want to share with me. And with God's grace, we'll do it all over again the next day and the next week and the next year. You will be out there learning and experiencing and I will be here waiting to help you sort it all out and guiding you as the Lord leads me.
I know you can do this. And I don't think I have much of a choice but to let you. So, you try your best and I'll try mine. Together we'll figure out a new normal for this new stage and hopefully, prayerfully, we'll be all the better for it.
I love you more than you will ever know, Sugar. Go knock their socks off.
Love,
Mommy
xoxoxo
Sure enough. It happened just as fast as everyone said it would.
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