And just like that, we’re here: The one who made me a mother turns 13 today. We are officially in the teenage years!
OH this girl. She is hilarious, crazy smart, genuinely kind, and stronger than she knows. She can sing, rock climb, has a brain for both words and numbers, and loves her family and friends something fierce. She has taught me more about life and love than I ever thought possible and I don’t imagine the lessons are going to stop anytime soon. One in particular has been on my mind this week:
I recall several years ago when we had an older couple speak to our small group about parenting. Afterward, the mom and I had a chance to chat privately for a few minutes. I asked how she thought I should handle situations where I noticed my own personality weaknesses and faults rearing their ugly heads in Audrey. I explained how challenging it was for me not to attempt to fix those things. She responded, “But you wouldn’t want to rob her of the lessons you learned to get to this point, would you? Of the things Jesus taught you and how He used it to shape who you have become?”
I knew she wanted to hear “No, of course not!”, so that’s what I said. But that wasn’t the truth. OF COURSE I DID. I want to spare her the pain I have both endured and inflicted, the times I took crap when I shouldn’t have, the times I spoke when I should have kept quiet, the times I left important words unspoken. Of course I want to spare Audrey every bit of all of that. And Luke too! What good mother wouldn’t?!
But what I didn’t fully realize until semi-recently was that regardless of whether or not I want to, I can’t. Not really. Not and raise the kind of woman that I want her to be…that God wants her to be. My role at this point in her life is to be a coach and a cheerleader, a shoulder and a shelter. But I cannot be her Savior. And therein lies one of the many, many hard parts of this parenting gig.
So I keep trying to point her to Him (failing often), pray, and listen. (I cannot emphasize enough how important the biting of the tongue is these days.) I don’t know what the next 5-7 years hold for her and I’ve been a parent just long enough to know better than to guess. But I am so very excited to have a front row seat for what God has in store for her.
She is an absolute wonder, this one. And I am honored and eternally grateful to be her mama.
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A letter to my girl on her 13th birthday:
Dear Audrey,
Welp, we made it. We’re officially here: the teenager years. Best of luck from here, kid. I’m out. (Just kidding.)
I’ve been thinking for quite a while about what I wanted to write you on, lo, this monumental day. Usually words aren’t too hard to come by for you or me, but this milestone seems extra challenging. Maybe it’s because I’m still not quite sure how we got to this point so very quickly. How did you go from the little baby I loved to dress up to the brilliant four year old working through reading lessons with me while Luke napped to the fearless ten year old rock climber to the award-winning writer, straight-A student, beautiful, hilarious, strong, Jesus-loving teenager that you are today all in just a split second?!
It just doesn’t seem possible…and yet here we are. And I’m so excited. I’m a little sad too, of course, because I’m getting old and sappy. But I’m really excited, Audrey. Because each stage of parenting thus far has brought Daddy and I such joy. You constantly amaze us at who you are becoming and what you can accomplish with God’s grace and your grit. You have so many talents in so many areas and it blows our minds to think of what the next 5-7 years will bring! Oh, are we in for a treat!
So let’s go do this teenage thing. I imagine it’s going to take some work, a lot of grace, and a good sense of humor. I pray we get to walk out the other side of this next season as close friends with a whole lot of wonderful adventures and sweet memories under our belts.
No matter what lies ahead, you can be certain of two things: 1) Jesus loves you more than His life itself and 2) Daddy, Luke, and I are in your corner. We may be cheering you on embarrassingly loudly, but it’s only because we couldn’t be more proud.
Happy 13th Birthday, Sugar. You are the light of my life and I love you more than you will ever know.
Love,
Mama
xoxoxo
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And with this monumental milestone behind us, I've decided it's time to shut down this blog. Fitting timing to do so on this post, given Audrey was really the catalyst for beginning it. My oh my how our lives have changed and become SO very full in these last 13 years!
Since then, these stories have become more of the kids' own and less of mine to share without their permission or at least their points of view interjected for balance.
Our lives will only be this beautifully intertwined with theirs for another blink of an eye and I don't want to fracture that relationship with oversharing. Nor, frankly, do I want to spend the time this blog requires when there is just so much else to be done.
So, to my three favorites, I leave you with this: I apologize for the times I shared too much as well as the times I didn't share enough about our adventures. Please read my words with mercy and leniency, knowing that I truly was only ever confident of these three things: 1) Jesus is who He says He was. 2) He loves us more than we know or deserve. 3) Being a wife/mother to you three is the greatest joy of my life and I will never stop striving to live up to the honor. I have fallen short many times (and no doubt will many more!) but I pray God's grace fills in the gaps.
Thank you for everything. My cup runneth over. I love you, I love you, I love you.
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