Thankful Thursday

My list is short & sweet this week: I am thankful to have my husband home (it's like a dadgum vacation around here to have an extra set of helping hands) and I am thankful for Audrey's good report at her 4 month check-up this week.

I would like to ask you all to pray for her little feet. Her pediatrician referred us to an orthopedist because he was concerned about how turned out they are. They think the way she was laying in the womb caused it. We're just praying that it will eventually work itself out once she begins to walk or that it will be an easy fix. I'll post an update after her appointment next week.

Have a great weekend and a Happy Halloween!

David's Trip

On October 5^th, David left to go to Norway on business for 18 days. This may not seem like a long time to some of you, but any stay-at-home mom knows that sometimes 6 o’clock takes an eternity to arrive, so going weeks without your spouse seems impossible. I know single moms and military wives do it every day. As I’ve said before, my heart goes out to them. They are amazingly strong women who deserve our admiration. I, on the other hand, am a total wuss. I need him, especially now that I’m in charge of this little one who depends on me for everything. It’s not meant to be done alone, I didn’t sign up for single parenthood, and I hate when we have to go through this.

I decided to write a little about each day that he was gone. The account that follows is sometimes funny, sometimes sappy, and usually overdramatic, but such is life with an ocean between me and my BFFABD (Best Friend Forever & Baby’s Daddy).

T-1

We’ve had a good weekend, but feel like tomorrow’s departure is just looming over us. We met David’s parents for lunch today and Audrey was the best behaved (and cutest) child in the whole restaurant, though I’m not sure how much the behavioral part is saying these days.

We came home and vegged out for the rest of the afternoon. We gave her a bath and went through our typical nighttime routine, knowing it would be the last with all three of us for too long.

I got the gun out after she went down and familiarized myself with it again. On the one hand, I’m so glad we have it and it makes me feel safe. On the other, I hate it because it makes me think about all of the horrific things that could happen that would make me have to use it. (This would be a good time to warn all of you to never, ever surprise me when I’m home alone. I hate surprises in general, but that situation would end badly for you too.)

Audrey slept pretty well, only getting up once. Unfortunately, neither David or I can say the same. Stupid trip.

Day 1

David stayed home until about noon today. He had planned on staying a little longer, but had to go into work to pack up some parts they realized they needed. (He got a call on Saturday from the guy already over there. How aggravating to deal with that while trying to soak up some quality family time before leaving for 3 weeks.)

The goodbye was awful. Even though I feel more capable of handling things than when he went to Europe 9 weeks ago, the length of this trip keeps getting me down. We put Audrey in her crib for a nap and then took a minute to say goodbye to each other. We hugged until the last possible second and then I stood at the door and waved until I couldn’t see his car anymore. Then I went upstairs to redo my make-up. (Why did I even bother? Oh yeah. Because I didn’t want David’s last memory of me for three weeks to be of me looking like the exhausted sack of potatoes I feel like.)

I got ready for my dentist appointment and met David’s mom at the mall to leave Audrey with her while I went for my cleaning. After a good report (and a great visit with the hygienist. She is so sweet and I’ll do anything for adult conversation these days!) I went to go get AJ. We ran into Target and then headed home. She fell asleep on the ride home and stayed asleep just long enough for me to scarf down dinner. The rest of the evening was pretty routine, but all I kept thinking was “I have at least 17 more nights of doing this alone.”

She went to bed around 9:15 and, despite the house being a wreck and the fact that I haven’t even started my Bible study homework for the week, I folded a load of laundry, wrote this, and am now forcing myself to go to bed. Praying she sleeps through the night tonight!

Day 2

Audrey only woke up once last night, so that was nice. We started the day with a trip to Target and the local baby store for a weight check. She has only gained 4 ounces in a week, which has me worried (6-8 ounces a week is average for her age.) Since I’ve only started to take measures to increase my supply this past week, I’m going to give it some more time and check again next Tuesday. I hated not being able to call David and have him reassure me. There are two things that keep a worrywart, OCD, type-A personality grounded: a calm, gentle, type-B husband and prayer. So, I’ve been doing a whole lot of the latter today since the former isn’t so accessible.

The good news is I think I’ve found something to keep Audrey’s arms and legs from getting stuck in between the crib slats. It’s called “Breathable Bumper” and it’s basically a mesh netting bumper. Since I have a tummy sleeper, I think it’s especially important to follow the recommendation of removing the bumper so she doesn’t get her face mashed against it and risk suffocation. However, without a bumper, her arms and legs find their way through the gaps in the slats. Enter the Breathable Bumper. We’ll see how it goes!

After running a few more errands, we returned home. She napped pretty well today, so I got a lot done. I have been putting stuff off the past week to soak up every minute with David and it’s starting to pile up and drive me crazy! I did some major cleaning, washed three loads of laundry, paid bills, organized coupons, worked on my Bible study homework, and did some filing. We even got to talk to David for a minute with our webcam. Audrey didn’t seem too impressed because the picture isn’t all that clear and so she didn’t recognize it was Daddy. David loved seeing her, though, and said he was sure she’d already grown in the 27 hours since he’d left.

All of that kept me plenty busy and before I knew it, it was dinner time. Somehow the hours seem to creep by after then, though. The entire day is not as long as the period between 6pm and 9pm! Finally off to bed now. Maybe tonight will be a straight-through…

Day 3

Last night was not a straight-through. Nor was the Breathable Bumper a complete success. When she woke up hungry, I went in to find her arm had gotten stuck down in between the mattress and the crib. The gap is so small I didn’t even know that was possible! I had the mattress pushed as tightly as possible up against the front and her arm was stuck in the back, so I shifted it and when I went in this morning, she was fine. Hopefully that will solve our problem.

She woke up an hour and a half early this morning. I don’t like days like that. I would almost rather her get up twice in the middle of the night so I can put her back down after the second feeding and we can stay on schedule. But, she didn’t ask me my preference. So, we started the day. We ran errands, finished cleaning house, talked to David on webcam, had bath time, and played our hearts out. I even got another little LOL from her today! I didn’t get the nap in that I wanted to, but there is always tomorrow.

Day 4

Today was good. We had Bible Study this morning and then went shopping for a birthday present for my father-in-law. We came home and spent the afternoon eating, sleeping (her, not me. I wish I could nap as easily as she does!), playing, and talking to David on the webcam. We ran out to Party City and Chick-fil-A around dinnertime, then came home and spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to rig her crib mattress so she doesn’t get her arm stuck anymore. David would have taken half the time to do it and it would work twice as well. I miss him.

Day 5

We started out this morning with a trip to the tailor, Target, and the post office. I’ve found that if I go out first thing in the morning, it prevents me from getting myself stuck in the house all day and almost guarantees a better afternoon nap for Audrey.

Tonight David’s parents came over and kept her while I met up with a girlfriend for dinner. Other than Bible study, it’s the first break I’ve had since he left and it was very much needed. It’s harder to go off by myself when he isn’t here, though. It’s as if I feel like I’m all she’s got and I don’t want her to think we’ve both left. Not that David left, but of course she doesn’t understand that. She was obviously in good hands, though, and had a great time looking at faces other than mine, I’m sure. I’m so incredibly thankful for such helpful in-laws!

Day 6

What a morning. Waking up to feed Audrey aside, I haven’t been sleeping well at night at all and it’s horrible. I’ve never slept well when David is away, but these days it’s a whole new level of nervousness/bad dreams/freaking out. I had some nightmares last night that would make the writers of Bones sleep with the lights on.

Anyway, dawn finally broke and, relieved, I went in to get Audrey. When I picked her up, both she and her sheets were soaking wet. Apparently her diaper couldn’t hold the flow she brought on last night. She was a sticky, smelly mess so after I fed her, I had to give her a bath (which I just did yesterday.) As soon as I sat her down in her tub, she peed in it. Now I’m sure this has happened before, but something about actually knowing this time – I just couldn’t bathe her in pee-pee water. So, out with the baby, out with the bath water, in with the fresh bath water, in with the now chilly and aggravated baby.

I rushed around and got us both ready and out the door to head to a local craft open house in a nearby town. I thought it would be something fun and different without the major crowds of a festival. I was excited about finding a unique Christmas gift or two. Didn’t happen.

It was grossly over-promoted. They had two tables set up outside this tiny old house and the inside of the house had very little. We were in and out in under ten minutes, if that is any indication as to how little there was to see. Hoping to salvage the trip out, we stopped by a huge moving sale on the way home to look around. They didn’t have anything we couldn’t live without either. So, we drove the 15 minutes back to the house and she cried (hard) the entire way. Fortunately, that wore her out and once we got home she slept for 45 minutes while I changed her sheets, started laundry, and took a shower. After she woke up and ate, we talked to David for a little while on the webcam. He is working weekends over there, too, so he was just getting in from a full day’s work.

The rest of the day was pretty slow. We went out to Hobby Lobby (which makes the 10^th store where I’ve shopped for Halloween Party decorations: Michael’s, Party City, Dollar Tree, Hallmark, JoAnn’s, Old Time Pottery, Kohl’s, Wal-Mart, and four different Targets. Not to mention the websites. Yeah, I get a little obsessive about event planning.)

We came home and ticked off the minutes until bedtime when I snuggled up alone and watched an awesome episode of Brothers & Sisters. Man, I miss him. We’re one third of the way through. 12 days left…

Day 7

Last night was a rough night. When I crawled back into bed at 6am, I turned off my “church” alarm that was set for 7:15. The extra hour and 15 minutes just meant too much to me. So, at 8:30, we got up, ate, and went for a 3 mile walk at the local park. The weather was awesome and I wish the days would stay as cool as they start off. I know I’ll be longing for the 80s when the highs are in the 30s, but I’m so ready for fall weather to get here and stay.

After our walk, we went to the grocery store then back home to shower, eat, play, and talk to David on webcam. I’m so glad we got those for this trip. Even though Audrey doesn’t show a lot of interest in the computer screen, she at least gets to hear his voice. And I love seeing him and connecting live like that. Not to mention we won’t rack up the huge phone bill we did while he was in Europe. Granted, the company pays for it, but I can’t imagine they were too happy with that one. Oh well – they shouldn’t be surprised since he was leaving his newborn daughter behind. Of course I had to call 7 times a day and share every single moment he was missing.

This afternoon Audrey’s face broke out into a rough looking rash. She’s had bumps for a little over a week now, but I attributed it to all the drool she has going on these days. Today after her nap, though, it looked much worse. I took a picture and emailed it to Holly (our friend that’s a pediatric nurse practitioner.) She says she thinks it’s baby eczema. It’s unsightly, but not harmful. She advised us to use Aquaphor and talk to the doctor about it at our next appointment.

So, tonight we took off to Wal-Mart for some Aquaphor. Come to find out later I had some already, but no matter. I needed to load up on supplies for my latest undertaking for our Halloween party. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but I’ll take pictures and share if/when the project is successful.

We got home, had dinner, and then I spent the rest of the evening worrying and praying. I’ll spare you graphic details, but Audrey had a diaper that caused me some concern (i.e. diarrhea.) I took her temperature and it was a little high. I didn’t freak or give her Tylenol, because I didn’t think it quite warranted that. She was eating well and acting just fine, so I gave her a bath and then we played. There were no more diaper scares (and she had two wet ones in two hours so I didn’t fear dehydration) and she felt fine, so I fed her and put her down as usual. My plan is to check her temp again when she gets up in the middle of the night. This is when I really wish David was here. I need someone else to run decisions by and reassure me. Stupid Norway.

Day 8

Our night went very well, thank the Lord. When I went in to feed AJ, she felt fine and ate great. She woke up again around 6am, but I think it was just because she was bumping against the crib rails. I went in and moved her and she fell back asleep until about 8:15.

We got up, ate breakfast, and got ready to meet a friend and her infant daughter for lunch and some mall walking. The rain was pouring down when we left, but I was determined to get us out of the house for a little while. Audrey started crying as we were getting off the interstate exit and worked herself up pretty good by the time I found a parking space. I opened the back door to get her out and she was drenched in sweat. It was actually beaded up on her bright red forehead! It scared me to death and I couldn’t get her out of the car seat fast enough. As soon as I picked her up, she stopped crying and calmed down. I stood outside with her under the umbrella trying to cool her off while the stroller got soaking wet. By the time we got inside and I got her changed, she was fine. I had no idea she could get herself that upset in that short amount of time! Where did she get that temper?! :)

Thankfully she was great the rest of our time there and I had a wonderful visit with my friend. She and I met at church and ended up taking our birthing classes together. Her daughter is three weeks older than Audrey, so we’ve been able to do quite a bit of note comparing. We came home, talked to David, and spent the rest of the day in the dry house.

Day 9 – Halfway there!!!

Today was weight-check day. Audrey had lost an ounce. I’m frustrated and worried and going to take her to the doctor for an official weight check tomorrow. I really just want them to give me the green light on rice cereal, even if she is still a week shy of her 4 month birthday. I have a MKB (Momma Knows Best) feeling that she needs it. Perhaps it’s the fact that she hasn’t slept through the night in over a month now because she wakes up starving.

I know an ounce isn’t much, but it’s the loss that worries me. It was more of a 7 to 8 ounce (or half a pound – which is a lot when you only weight 14) deficit because she didn’t GAIN. Even if she is 14 lbs, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for her to stop gaining! We want to keep those precious rolls!

David’s parents came over tonight, which offered a good distraction and some nice company. We celebrated Ed’s birthday and he got the best present he could ask for – AJ laughed out loud for them a couple of times. That is truly the sweetest sound on earth.

Day 10

We went to the doctor this morning and they told me what I knew they would: not to worry, that her overall weight gain is fine. They said they wanted to hold off a couple more weeks and we’d discuss the rice cereal at her 4 month check-up. That’s fine – I’ll compromise and wait until then, but she’s getting it after that check-up, despite what they tell me. They said her face rash (forgot to mention that was the other reason I took her in) was partly because of her drooling and partly a “contact” rash. We haven’t changed detergents, soaps, or lotions so I’m not sure what it’s from. I think it’s probably “contact” with her drooly, soppy sheet all night.

We came home and I gave her a bath to wash the doctor’s office germs off of her. My mom came over and hung out for the afternoon, which Audrey got a kick out of. She loved having the undivided attention and a different face to look at.

After Mom left, I waited around on the service guy that was coming over to work on something at the house. He was supposed to arrive between 2pm and 4pm, but didn’t show up until 4:30. It took forever but hilariously, I found myself just happy to have another adult in the house. I was tempted to invite him to stay for dinner so I could have the company! :) I told David not to worry, he wasn’t my type. However, the Sears guy comes to look at the dryer on Friday, so hurry home, honey…

Day 11 – One week to go!!!

Last night was a rough one, with AJ waking up twice to eat. (Does anyone else notice that rice and twice rhyme? Coincidence or just another sign the girl needs some more calories?) I’ve decided that the rule is if she wakes up twice, we don’t get up early to go to church or Bible study. That extra hour of sleep just becomes too precious. SO, I missed Bible study this morning, which was awful. I really love having that time with those women and am sad we didn’t go today.

Nonetheless, once we were up, I wanted to get us out of the house. It was a rainy, cool morning so exercising outside, though definitely needed, was not going to happen. So, we went to the tailor to pick up my pants and to Target and Wal-Mart for more Halloween party supplies. I’m desperately hoping David makes it home in time for this party! I would consider canceling it if it wasn’t keeping me so busy while he is away.

We spent the rest of the afternoon indoors and then headed out this evening for a quick walk at the park in between rain showers. As we drove over, though, it began sprinkling again so we canceled that plan and headed back home. The evening went by relatively quickly, thanks to my latest project of organizing AJ’s closet. It definitely eats up time trying to entertain her while washing, drying, sorting, hanging, and packing up.

Day 12

The Sears guy was due to come by and fix the dryer today. They gave me a lovely 8-5 window (seriously?!) and he showed up around 1:00pm. We have had problems with this dryer on and off since the day it was delivered about a year and a half ago. After the first year of problems, we bought the extended warranty. Like I said on Facebook: I rue the day I bought this Kenmore dryer from the Sears outlet. That's right, I RUE it. And you don't just toss around "rues" unless you really, really mean them.

Anyway, I went in and pounded it into submission last night and it started working correctly. (My fix-it style is much like the Fonz’s. Yes, I’m old enough to remember Happy Days. Or reruns, at least.) I decided to keep the appointment anyway, just in case it started acting up again. It didn’t, of course…even when I went in and pounded on it again trying to recreate the problem. No such luck – only really sore fists.

We ended up staying in all day today, so when Ed and Pam came over this evening to keep Audrey while I went out, I was more than ready for the break. I started out at Home Depot to get some pine straw for the yard and a corn stalk for the party décor. Pine straw – check. Corn stalk – looked pathetic. So, after I went to Party City and the Chick-fil-A drive through for dinner, I went to another nearby Home Depot and got a slightly better looking corn stalk. Then I hit the Dollar Store, DSW, and Barnes and Noble. It’s amazing how much you can accomplish in 2 hours when you’re not lugging a baby in and out of the car! I came home and worked a little more on her closet while her grandparents entertained her (or rather, she entertained them!) I keep thinking that this time next week, David will be home with us! Here’s hoping for sweet dreams about that…

Day 13

I got a great night’s sleep last night, with Audrey only waking once around 4:30am to eat. That means I got about five consecutive hours followed by three more hours, which rarely happens. Maybe that’s part of what prompted me to go for it and participate in a 5K today!

That’s right - Audrey did her first 5K this morning!!! I read about it last week and honestly didn’t think we’d go. It was to raise money for breast cancer awareness, which of course is a great cause, but I just didn’t know if I could swing it with AJ. When I got up this morning I decided it was chilly, but totally doable given the time and location. So, I bundled her up and we drove to downtown Lawrenceville. She was such a hit! They didn’t allow strollers so I strapped her to me in the Bjorn carrier and everyone just raved about her. She even got her picture taken for the local paper…we’ll see if she makes it in!

Right before the race I met a really sweet woman named Sharon that asked if she could walk with me since we were by both ourselves. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in June - funny how it was one of the best months of our lives while others were having their worst. Even though she had been in great health, she decided to get more serious about exercising and today was her first 5K. It was such an inspiration to hear her story. She has had two surgeries and starts radiation next month. She made me realize how much I take my health for granted and I was so thankful God allowed our paths to cross.

It started to sprinkle during mile two, but at that point it was closer to keep going than to turn back. Audrey had fallen asleep almost as soon as we crossed the start line, so she didn’t complain. Her hands and face were a little chilly and wet when we finished, but she was otherwise fine. We walked the whole way and were slow, but we DID it! I got her home and in a warm bath and we’ve spent the rest of the day eating/sleeping (her) and popping Advil (me - I was so busy worried about keeping her warm and whether she’d manage okay that I kind of forgot it takes a lot of effort to walk 3.2 miles with a baby strapped to you.) Totally worth it, though.

Day 14

We skipped church today again. No excuses, just tired. I met a girlfriend for lunch while David’s parents kept Audrey. It was great to see her and catch up. I came home to a freshly cut yard (thanks, Ed!) and an unusually fussy baby. I think she was just tired and having a little tummy trouble, because after she slept and messed a few diapers, she was fine. During her nap I laid some pine straw and sprayed some weeds, which felt odd in the 50 degree temps.

I miss David. And not just for the yard work help. I miss his hugs and his humor. I miss seeing his toothbrush and razor in our bathroom. I miss his dimple. I miss sticking my cold feet on him at night and him trying hard not to mind. It’s been way too long and I’m so ready for him to be home.

Day 15

Not much time to write today and not much to write about. We went to Staples and Wal-Mart this morning and then Publix this evening. I already did a post about today being the one year anniversary of when we found out we were expecting. I wish David was here to reminisce with me! I’m starting to get used to him being gone, which I hate. I know it’s been way too long of a business trip when I reach that point.

Day 16

Well, it doesn’t look like David is going to be home on Thursday night. The most frustrating part is that we don’t know WHEN he’ll be home. It could be this weekend, it could be the end of next week. I need a countdown, people. I’m a countdown kinda girl. I need to know there is an end in sight and work towards it!

After a lot of dithering, we decided to move the Halloween party to next Saturday. A couple of people aren’t going to be able to make it, but I had to trade having David here for them.

Tonight I went out for our small group’s Ladies’ Night Out. We ate at an over-priced restaurant with sub-par Italian food (Totally my fault since I plan these events. Sorry to those of you who liked it, but I was not a fan.) Despite that, the company and conversation were great. I loved getting a break for a little while and being able to laugh and catch-up with such sweet friends.

I’d close with a count down, but the whole not knowing kinda prevents that. Yeah, I’m bitter.

Day 17

There is one thing I’ve noticed lately about Audrey waking up at night that cracks me up. She seems so hungry, she’ll “hunt” and snort like a little piggy. It’s hilarious! She doesn’t even bother to open her eyes, which kind of hurts my feelings. It’s as if she’ll take a meal from anyone at that point, which I’m sure she would. I wish she’d be slightly more discriminating and at least peek to make sure it’s mommy. Oh well.

Today was an uneventful one. We ran some errands this morning and spent the rest of the day tidying up the house and doing things for the Halloween party. Even though I now have an extra week, I don’t want to take time away from the three of us by working on it later.

Day 18

I made it to Bible study this morning, which was awesome. I had quite the “ah-ha” moment about something we were discussing and wrote a post about it.

David’s mom and grandmother came over to keep Audrey while I was out. I didn’t want to put her in the nursery since she has her four month check-up with shots on Monday. I didn’t want to take the risk of getting her sick before that.

David was supposed to be coming home today, and we still don’t know for sure when he’ll make it back. It’s looking like it could be this weekend, but we’re both trying not to get our hopes up. I just keep praying hard that it’ll be soon!

Day 19

First things first: David is coming home TOMORROW!!! He flew from Tromso to Oslo today and will leave there in the morning (our midnight) for Denmark. From Denmark he’ll fly to Atlanta and, Lord willing, land around 3:30pm our time tomorrow.

We started the day with a trip to Target and Wolf Camera…two very happy places. I came home, showered, fed Audrey, and we played. We talked to David for just a minute on the webcam…hopefully our last use of it for a while!

Audrey woke up three times last night, so I did not feel guilty at all for lying down and taking an hour long nap this afternoon while she was sleeping. It felt quite indulgent!

Tonight I plan on going to pick up pictures at Wolf, giving AJ a bath, and watching the final episode of Brothers and Sisters Season 3. Our DVR is incredibly full since I’m waiting to watch our usual shows with David. Of course, they’ll have to wait a little longer as we catch up with each other for a few days before we start vegging in front of the TV.

I think the first couple of days after David leaves and the last couple days before he comes home are the hardest. They just seem to stretch out f-o-r-e-v-e-r! Counting down the hours now…

Day 20 – One day shy of tying the record for our longest time apart since we started dating 9 ½ years ago.

Last night was another really rough night. The last two have by far been the worst since he left. I talked to him at 2am and 4:30am while he was on layover in Denmark. Trying to be encouraging he said, “Maybe you can get some more rest when I can back.” “Oh!” I said, sarcastically excited. “Did you start lactating while you were gone?” Sadly, his answer was no.

I do think he may have to give her a bottle for a night or two, because I’m about to hit a wall. I keep thinking just a little longer until we start rice cereal, but truthfully, I’m not sure I can make it like this for another week or so.

Anyway, the important thing is he is coming home today! Audrey and I are heading to the grocery store to pick up stuff to make his favorite meal. I’m so excited!!!

Day 20, Evening: David is home. Audrey and I are thrilled! It feels soooo good to have him here. We made it – we survived! All is right again. Thank you, Lord, for bringing us back together safely. Goodnight!

Taking a Stand

Let me preface this post by reminding you that I am not a theologian, nor am I a professional writer. (As if you could forget either of those facts.) I just had an "ah-ha" moment yesterday that has caused me to do some critical thinking and I wanted to express it here.

This week in Bible Study, we got into a great discussion about being IN the world, but not OF it. (John 15:18-19 & John 17:15-16) During this talk, one of the ladies made an excellent point. She said that somewhere along the way, our society has equated holding certain beliefs with being judgmental. And, somewhere along the way, this has become a bad thing.

The most frequent place we see this is the debate about homosexuality. I believe that it is wrong because the Bible says it's wrong. (Leviticus 18:22, 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, & 1 Corinthians 6:9-10.) But holding that belief often means that I am labeled as casting judgment on others.

I want to clarify that this post is not meant to be about whether homosexuality is right or wrong, though I'm sure that's what a lot of readers will focus on. I think that as humans, we put sin on levels that God does not. I am a sinner and though that may not be the particular sin I engage in, I am no better or worse than someone who does. I could have chosen any number of hot topics that most Christians are considered judgmental towards, including premarital sex or abortion.

Instead, these ramblings are more to make myself and others think about why it's considered being judgmental to take a stand. And, moreover, whether Christians should care and how we should respond. At what point does believing in something turn into judgment? Is it when the conversation shifts from the sin (homosexuality) to the person practicing it (the homosexual)? Does it turn into judgment when an action is taken, such as voting against gay marriage? Or is it just being judgmental because it is not the popular opinion? Am I being judgmental when I say that adultery or stealing is bad (other things listed in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10)? Or is that simply having good morals because those things are still considered wrong by the majority?

(And on top of all that: Am I hypocritical AND judgmental because I would vote against gay marriage, but watch, and thereby support, shows that have gay characters? Hmmm...)

Is being called judgmental even a bad thing?

A common defense used by those being judged is Matthew 7:1-2, which reads: "Do not judge so that you will not be judged." Most people fail to quote the rest of Jesus' words in that passage, which are: "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye."

In my opinion, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't judge. It means that we should be prepared to be judged ourselves and therefore take a good look at our own faults before pointing out other people's. Hmmm...about those shows I watch...

What do you think? C'mon - according to Stat Counter there are 276 "unique visitors" that read this blog. Don't worry, I don't know WHO you are, just that you're reading. SO, go ahead and comment (politely)!

I guess the bottom line for me is that it does bother me a little, but nowhere near enough to stop standing up for the Truth the Bible teaches. I'll continue to strive for the "love the sinner, hate the sin" approach. After all...

"If the world hates you, you know that it has hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you." John 17:15-16

Thankful Thursday

1. Ladies' Night Out. For the past three years, I have been planning my small group's monthly Ladies' Night Out. Every other month we go out to dinner somewhere and the month in between I try to plan an activity. We've gone bowling, been rock climbing, painted pottery, raced go carts, gotten pedicures, and gone to the movies, among other things. Whatever we end up doing, though, it's always a lot of fun. Everyone enjoys a couple of hours of girl time away from the husband and kids. (Of course, we usually end up talking about nothing but husbands and kids, but it's still a nice break!)

2. Audrey's smiles. She is grinning more and more these days and I LOVE it. I can almost always get a big smile out of her and that makes me feel so good.

3. www.parenthacks.com I've forgotten how I came across this site, but it's a great resource for parents with kids of all ages. Their tagline says it all "Parenting tips from the real experts: actual parents."

4. The TLC show 18 Kids & Counting. I don't agree with all of their theology (they are very conservative Baptists), but I do think that they have an incredible ministry and are doing an amazing job of raising children to love the Lord and put others first. The mom Michelle is a big inspiration and I get such a kick out of watching them manage their huge household. As I said on my Facebook status the other day, they make me want to have a whole house full of children, and then I get AJ up from a nap and reality slaps me in the face.

5. That it's almost the weekend! I am soooooo ready for it!

New pictures are up, including Audrey's 4 month perspective shots, so be sure to
check them out! Have a great weekend!

Last October 19th

One year ago today I saw a faint pink line that changed our lives forever. It seems like eons ago. I remember taking the test early Sunday morning and then waking David up to see if he saw it. It was so light, we both decided it wasn't actually there and got ready for church.

I honestly didn't think much about it as we went about our day and then spent the afternoon at my brother and sister-in-law's house. We got home and David had to go to the office for a little while. I decided to try a digital test while he was gone just to be extra sure. It read: P-R-E-G-N-A-N-T. I'm surprised it didn't follow the word with "...you dummy! How can I make this more clear?"

Well, several more tests later, I decided to believe the results. I quickly ran around the house and decorated the kitchen table with baby things I'd been collecting for months. When David called and said he'd be a little longer, I was secretly thrilled because I had time to go up to Publix and buy balloons and flowers. Everything was just perfect, including his facial expression, when he walked through the door. We were...and still are...ecstatic about this baby!

Last October 19th, this onesie was part of the decoration for our big news.
Now, it's too small for our sweet Baby Girl!

Thankful Thursday

1. My father-in-law...and mother-in-law, too, of course. His birthday was on Tuesday and it just reminded me how thankful I am to have such great in-laws. They have been an amazing source of support and encouragment to David and I and are settling into the grandparent roll quite nicely (read: Audrey already has them completely wrapped around her finger.) We are so thankful for them and all they do for us!

2. Audrey's latest "trick." She started doing this adorable thing with her mouth today that cracks me up! She sucks in and then "spits out" her bottom lip over and over again really fast. It's just awesome that she is discovering new sounds and fun things.

3. Health insurance. Long story short, I took Audrey in for a weight-check and to get someone to look at a rash she has developed on her face. Everything turned out fine, but it's so nice to have reassurance and, more importantly, the ability to go get that reassurance without worrying how we're going to pay the bill. No matter where you stand on health insurance issues, you have to admit it's ridiculous what health care costs when you don't have it.

4. A good tailor. As most women know, there is hardly a pair of pants out there that fit perfectly straight off the rack. I'm not sure who these clothes are made for, but they certainly aren't for pair-shaped people like me. Once I get them big enough to go over my thighs and behind, they're gaping in the waist - even post-baby. Enter my magical tailor. I don't take every skirt or pair of pants to her to alter, but every once in a while I'll spend the extra money on something I know I'll own forever. She does a great job and I'm thankful for it!

5. www.mylifeisaverage.com I saw this on a friend's Facebook status this week and checked it out for myself. It's a random compilation of quirky yet average things that people write in and share about their day. There is some pretty funny stuff on there!

9 Months Up, 9 Months Down

I have a confession. I gained five pounds too many during pregnancy. Okay, that's a lie. I gained more like ten pounds too many during pregnancy. And if I'm totally honest, the number was probably more like twelve. But not fifteen. Fifteen just sounds ridiculous and overindulgent and irresponsible. All adjectives I refuse to use to describe my weight gain during the time I was growing a human.

I mean, don't get me wrong, my OB didn't have to forklift in a livestock scale or anything. In fact, the doctor never addressed it, so it must not have been too terrible. But, I had this number in my head. You know - this totally appropriate, healthy, and respectable number that I could actually say out loud one day as I joined in with other women swapping war stories about our pregnancies. As the months wore on though, the gap between what the scale said and "the number" was getting smaller and smaller and I was...not. I'm not sure when I just quit caring. I think it was somewhere around the end of month eight. I had passed the glucose screening test and was healthy by all other accounts. It was unbelievably hot outside and the thought of going to the gym to work out in front of other people was both outrageously funny and tear-jerking.

So, I trudged on (and I do mean trudged) and delivered a healthy 8 lb 6 oz baby (without an epidural, lest you dare forget) ten days early. Do I think my baby suffered because of my 10ish extra pounds? Not a bit. Do I think she weighed too much as a result? Nope. Do I think exercising more would have better prepared me for an easier delivery? No. I think that's a big fat lie some stupid exercise video company made up. I could have been running five miles a day and I don't think it would have made a lick of difference in those moments. Sure, giving birth does involve cardio, but there aren't too many other aspects of the birthing process you can train for. I'll avoid getting too graphic, but really, I don't remember using my quads, biceps, calves, etc. much during the process.

Here is the thing no one told me, though. It's AFTER you have the baby that it matters. That's when you need to be in good health so you can manage on little sleep. That's when you need your strength and energy the most to help you carry around the baby and the carrier and the diaper bag and your purse and the camera bag. That's when you don't have the time to do work out much, so it would help if you didn't have much to work off.

I think my recovery time was pretty normal. I don't have anything to compare it to, but I took it easy for six weeks and then was able to pick up with a pretty decent physical activity level. However, other than the first few glorious weeks of weight-dropping, the loss is S-L-O-W. And I can't help but think that I'd be done by now and back to pre-pregnancy weight if I hadn't gained those extra 10ish pounds. Of course, they say as long as you're nursing, your body usually won't let go of the last five or so. But still, I'd love to be down to the last five instead of where I am.

And speaking of nursing, the whole "you-can-eat-whatever-you-want" thing? More lies. Nursing only burns about 500 calories a day. That's less than a small DQ blizzard, people. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just stating the facts.

The other thing is that while I'm nursing, I can't afford to go crazy and drop the weight like I've done in the past. I have another person that is relying on my nutritional intake and I have to be careful so that my supply isn't adversely effected. Everything I've read says I should be losing about a pound per week. Ugg. Yes, I know - I should only be taking about that much off per week anyway. But, I'm a "get 'er done" kinda girl. Every time I've lost major weight in my life, I've always buckled down and gotten it over with quickly...and kept it off for a long time, so no lectures on "but you'll just gain it back!" Now I'm having to pace myself, which is frustrating.

So, the one piece of advice I have in the midst of these ramblings: You CAN believe them when they say "Nine months up, nine months down." And I personally think that should be extended for as long as you're nursing. I'm not even at month four yet, so I'll get there. Eventually.

Ah, patience...why don't you come wrapped in a shiny colorful wrapper that I can just pop in my mouth and savor?

Thankful Thursday

Sorry for the dry spell. I've been working on a couple of posts, but am not ready to publish them yet. In the meantime, here is this week's list:

1. David's job. We have so many friends and family that are out of work right now and it just makes me realize what a blessing it is that David has a job. Yes, he travels too much and yes, the stress and pressure he is under is immense at times, BUT we have a steady paycheck coming in, which is less stressful than not having one at all.

2. An Angel of a baby, even if she still isn't back to sleeping through the night. She rarely fusses these days and when she does, I can usually fix it pretty easily. I picked her up from nursery today after my Bible study and they were all raving about what a doll she is. She sure is, thank you very much. See? It's not just me...

3. Special K Protein Shakes. Delicious and nutritious, these new meals-on-the-go are awesome! They are under 200 calories, have 20% of your daily protein and fiber intake, and contain crazy amount of vitamins. I can only vouch for the chocolate flavor, but it is good!

4. The Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The thing works miracles, plain and simple.

5. Breathable Bumper. You may remember that we're rebel parents and allow Audrey to sleep on her stomach. Even though she doesn't crawl yet, the kid can inch-worm her way around the crib at night. Because of this, we removed the bumper to help make sure she doesn't get her face smushed up against it and risk suffocation. However, after many nights of Audrey's limbs getting caught in between the crib slats, I went on the hunt for a product to help. I found the Breathable Bumper at a nearby baby products store (it's not yet sold at Babies' R Us.) Now, though, she is getting her arm stuck down between the mattress and the crib rail even though there is no visible gap there. My sister-in-law suggested stuffing her decorative bumper down between there to help so we'll have to try that. If it she didn't suck her fingers to soothe herself, duct tape would definitely be in order!

That's all for now! Hope you have a great rest of the week and weekend!

Thankful Thursday

Things are still not going all that great in the feeding department. Audrey is eating better, but still not as well as she was about a week and a half ago. She hasn't slept all through the night since around then either and for the past two nights, she has gotten up twice. Please continue to pray that this issue gets resolved quickly. I am starting to get very tired, which only exacerbates the frustration I'm already feeling!

In an effort to focus on the positive, here is this week's list. You'll notice it has six items instead of the usual five. Pretty good for someone who is running on minimal sleep, huh?

1. A husband who appreciates me. After getting up twice on Tuesday night to feed Audrey (something I haven't had to do since she was about six weeks old), I came downstairs on Wednesday morning to find a note from David thanking me and telling me I was the best wife and mom ever. It means the world to have him acknowledge the sacrifices I'm making.

2. Audrey's first LOL's! On Tuesday night she laughed out loud on purpose a few times. It is the most precious sound! I was hoping to post a video of it on here, but we haven't been able to make her do it again. (Though not for lack of trying. It's amazing what idiotic things you'll do to provoke a laugh from a baby!)

3. My brother and sister-in-law closing on their new house! They sold theirs yesterday and closed on their new one today. Congrats, y'all! We sure do wish it was closer, but we're really happy for you guys.

4. Fall Series' Premiers. Yay for mindless TV entertainment!

5. October & Autumn. I know the official start date of fall was September 22nd, but something about it being October and this amazing weather just makes it more real.

6. "Momraderie" - (Unlike "Momfidence", I did make this one up myself.) In the midst of all this eating drama, I have really been encouraged by a number of other nursing moms. I reached out to several sweet friends who either are where I am, have been where I am, or, at the very least, can definitely imagine being where I am. They listened, shared their stories, offered some tips, and gave me gentle reminders of things I already knew ("if she's happy and content, you're doing fine!") It was such a huge blessing and I appreciate these ladies so much!

That's all for now. Hope you have a wonderful Friday and a great weekend!