Thoughts On My Thirtieth

As I lied awake unable to sleep from my bronchitis-wrought coughing fits, I glanced over at the clock.  11:15pm.  In just forty-five short minutes, I'll be leaving my twenties behind and entering a new decade.

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this.

My twenties have been really quite good to me.  In short, I began the decade as an engaged college student and am ending it a happily married stay-at-home mom of two precious little ones.

...No, that's too easy.

My twenties held more major life changes than any other decade likely will for the remainder of my time on Earth. To name a few:  multiple moves, marriage, college graduation, new job/house/car, new church, leaving job, new business, old-new job, pregnancy, leaving job, first child, leaving church, new church, new car, pregnancy, second child, selling house, new house.  There were mission trips, leisure trips, and a million little road trips.  There were many, many business trips that kept us a half a world apart for longer than I care to think about.  I said good-bye to older generations and buried loved ones.  I said hello to new generations and held tiny babies so fresh that the vernix was still matted in their hair.  I started friendships.  I ended friendships.  I ran more miles than I count and finished enough races to be proud of.  I overcame crises in our family and in my faith.  Although I was blessed not to face any serious medical issues, I certainly endured plenty of sickness and a broken ankle.  The parties, the celebrations, the holidays that we've had.  The Bible studies and small groups I've been in and grown from.  The adventures.  The hairstyle changes.  The tears.  The laughter.  And oh the weight gain and loss.

This past year alone has been the most stressful of my life to date, filled with both very high highs and very low lows:  Adding Luke to our family, gaining a stepmother, selling the best home I've ever had, and finally moving to a new dream house that was an exhausting nightmare to get to.  We've had cancer scares and very ill grandparents on both sides of our families this year.  It seems that just about everyone close to us has faced really tough challenges.  I've never felt so unheard by God in my spiritual life and so confused as to which path He wanted me to take.  It was frustrating and it was humbling and it brought about major lessons and permanent change.

...There, that's a little more like it.  A more accurate description of what the last ten years, specifically the last twelve months, have held.

So how do I feel about saying goodbye to all of that?  Well...I'm okay with it.  It brought me to where I am, which is snuggled beside my sleeping husband just down the hall from my two sweet babies in a amazing new house that friends and family spent all day working their tails off to improve as a celebration of my 30th.  How can I be anything less than grateful to be entering a new decade?  I can't.

I may not know what the next ten are going to hold, but I do know this:  My God does.  And He's FOR ME.  And, oh, is He faithful:

Your love is waiting for me to come chasing, 
revealing the depths of Your heart
Mystery unfolding, Your plan lies before me
I'll stand and sing for you are
Faithful.  

Thank you, Jesus.  For all that you've brought me through to get me here.  For loving me too much to leave me unchanged.  For the gifts of my salvation, my freedom, my family, my friends, my health.  For thinking me worthy of these when I am not.

Guide and protect me as I head into this new decade, Lord.  Whatever it may bring, I pray for more joy than sorrow and more laughter than tears. Mostly, though, Father, help me point others, especially those tucked inside these walls tonight, to You.  Amen.

Thankful Thursday

I have one thing on my TT list today:  No, we did not close on our houses yet and yes, we are still awaiting final loan approval for our buyers.  But what I am thankful for this week is perspective.  On the house situation and so much more.  Read on...

I hung up the phone with a family member today who had just shared some scary health news with me.  My mind was reeling as I rushed into Target with Luke.  Stomach growling, I decided to grab a soft pretzel for lunch and chow down while I shopped.  I waited in line for almost five minutes only to be told they were out of them.  I sighed and headed to the Starbucks counter to order a decaf caramel machiatto instead.  In front of me, a lady who had clearly never ordered at a Starbucks before nervously stumbled through her request, ended up overpaying, and then held everyone up getting a 21 cent refund.  "Seriously?" I thought to myself.  "This is ridiculous.  I get scary news, I know the loan isn't going to come through today, I can't even drown my sorrows in a pretzel, and now I'm behind the only person in the world who has never ordered at Starbucks.  On top of all that, I'm not going to be able to finish my to-do list before I have to pick up Audrey at school."  I finally stepped up to order and then tapped my fingers impatiently and talked to Luke.  I turned around and noticed two men approaching, one older gentlemen who was blind and a younger man holding his arm and helping him along.  They took their place in the line behind me and I heard the younger one quietly list off the baked goods and snacks that were in the Starbucks counter cabinet.  "There is pumpkin bread, and ginger bread, and a frosted snowman cookie..."  The older man chuckled at the thought of himself eating a frosted snowman cookie and then asked, "Are there any coconut macaroons?"  "No," the younger man answered.  "I don't see any of those," he said before continuing to go through the selection.  Suddenly he caught Luke's eye, smiled, and said hello to him.  He whispered to the older man, "There's a cute baby in front of us."  "Aw!  How old is he?"  I spoke up and told him he was almost ten months and that he was just learning how to wave.  The older man said, "How sweet!" and the younger man went on to describe Luke's blond hair and bright blue eyes.  "He's so cute," he told the older man.  "He sounds like it!  He's going to be real heartbreaker," the blind man said with a smile.  I agreed before turning away, grabbing my drink, and rushing off before they could see the tears spill over.  I thanked God for the precious baby in front of me, the one that I'd be picking up shortly, and the joy of being able to SEE their sweet faces every day.  

It was a perspective check, to say the least.  Sure, I'm still stressed and overwhelmed and down about the house stuff, but we have each other and we have our health and we have a Savior who loves us and is working for our good.  Tonight I'm going to bed grateful for that.

November 2012 Recap

Let me start by giving a quick house/moving update since I know you're just all dying to hear more about this saga (sarcasm heavily implied):  We had hoped we'd be able to close on Friday, November 30th, but we are still awaiting loan approval for our buyers.  It should come "at any minute".  The glorious news that we got on Monday is that the extension came in from the short sale department for our purchase.  This is HUGE as we definitely thought it was going to be the harder of the two remaining pieces to secure and that we'd be stuck having to move twice and rent somewhere while waiting for it. 

I can't even articulate how sad and down I am that it is December 5th and our tree isn't up and not a single gift is wrapped (though all but one is bought, thankfully!)  This is my favorite time of year and with 20 boxes of decorations and three trees, I don't take celebrating and decorating for it lightly.  I feel like I'm wasting one of AJ's "prime years" and I really wanted Luke's first to be special, even if he couldn't care less.  I'm struggling with jealousy over the friends I have that have moved lately and all the people posting their beautifully decorated houses and trees on Facebook.  I know that's stupid, because my life is so incredibly blessed that I shouldn't be jealous about a thing, but I'm just being honest.  Please keep praying.   

Now on to November's recap:

I guess I should start with Thanksgiving.  We got up and let Audrey watch some of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade while we got ready.  Then we drove out to my brother's house and enjoyed a feast complete with two turkeys.  We stuffed ourselves, and even Luke had turkey baby food for his first holiday!  We hung out and played with the kids until we put three of the four down for naps and then talked and visited with each other and Carson.  When the kids woke up, it was dessert and a bit more play time before we packed it in and drove back across town.  We have a long standing tradition of putting up the tree on Thanksgiving night, but couldn't do that this year for obvious reasons, so we put the little lights in the holes on my grandmother's 18" ceramic table top one I inherited.  On Friday we went to the park and enjoyed playing outside and picnicking in the warm weather.  We did sneak out for some Black Friday shopping after naps and hit Lowe's, Carter's, Barnes & Noble, but only found a few things we wanted.  I'd done most of the week's deal shopping online on Wednesday.  The rest of the weekend we relaxed, went to church, played, and packed.  I got my first pedicure in five months and David and I had squeezed in a dinner date.  It was really nice to have four straight days together without major plans.  I'm hoping we'll be longing for that kind of down time in a matter of a few days!  

Earlier in the month we also celebrated my nephew's first birthday with a party at my brother's house.  It seemed impossible that a year had past since I cuddled him on my pregnant lap at the hospital.  Now he's a walking, jabbering, grinning little boy!

As for the latest on our kiddos:

Luke is getting so big and so fun.  He will launch himself from a sitting position to all fours and then do one big lunge, but he can't crawl yet.  He also wants to pull up on anything and everything and can do 360 spins on his belly.  At a recent trip to Subway, I left him in his stroller by the table and turned around to get our drinks.  By the time I'd turned back around, an older gentleman was pulling his stroller away from the table and explaining that he was trying to pull himself up on it.  Sheesh.  As David said, the beautiful period of immobility is coming to an end.  

He is eating just about every baby food there is and we've also added yogurt, beans, and cheese to his diet.  He loves Puffs and Cheerios, of course, and is also doing pretty good drinking from a sippy cup.  I'm hoping to take it up a notch in the solids department soon and add bread and pasta before too long.  And, praise the Lord, he is off his reflux medicine and seems to be doing very well without it.  

He cut his third tooth (top left) on November 19th and that's all we see coming in at the moment.  Three in just over a month is plenty and we'll gladly welcome the break.  He's sleeping like a champ from 8:30pm - 7:00am, and I'm sure the teeth coming in played a role in that.  He also takes two naps really well and predictably.  He goes down in the morning around 9:30 until 10:30 or 10:45 and then 1:30 until 3:30 or 3:45. 

Audrey has been loving school.  Each Tuesday and Thursday she jumps in the van and talks about the craft she made, the songs she sang, who she played with on the playground, and who she sat beside at lunch.  I still don't think she's interacting and talking a lot to the other kids, but then again after having been in the classroom several times, I don't think any of them do much of that.  

She's also enjoying the new reward program we put into place.  I can't remember if I wrote about it in last month's recap, so here's the gist: each day she can earn up to 6 stars, one each for the following:  not whining, using good manners, setting the table, not be disrespectful, picking up her toys, and doing a good job going to bed/sleeping.  When she earns 30 stars (it usually takes her 6-7 days), she gets that week's reward.  So far we've done a glow stick dance party, a trip to the bookstore and a new book, making s'mores in our fire pit outside, a bubble bath in the master garden bath tub, and a new toy at the dollar store.  It helps her a lot to have goals and is teaching a little delayed gratification in the process.

She is such a tremendous helper and loves doing anything we ask her to do, especially if it involves Luke.  She loves him to death and loves showing him it too!  Occasionally she gets too rough with her hugs and kisses and smushes, but he's tough enough to handle it.  We also do see a little sibling rivalry from time to time, though, especially if it involves the attention of a grandparent.

As for us, I'm just longing for the day when my free time isn't spent dealing with house stuff (most days involve at least a half a dozen phone calls or emails about some issue or another) or packing.  Things have slowed down a bit for David at work, thankfully, and we hope that continues to the end of the year so we have time to get moved and get settled.  

So that's that.  Plus room mom responsibilities (celebrating AJ's teacher's birthday, volunteering at the Thanksgiving feast, planning the class Christmas party), Bible Study, a double date night with friends (praise Jesus!), doctor's appointments, and play dates.  So basically, nothing much. :)

Here are this month's funny quips & quotes:

• Audrey and I were doing some drawing ourselves together and she only had a little piece of paper to work with.  "Oh well," she said.  "Guess I'll be short."  Meaning she'd have to draw herself as a short stick figure.  Ha!

• With Christmas coming and the monumental amount of presents our kids are about to be showered with from friends and family, David and I have been reviewing proper gift-receiving etiquette with AJ.  We spent a good five minutes hammering home how important it is to be gracious and grateful.  We explained what to do if you don't really like the gift or if you already have one, and I felt like she was really getting it. I asked her to role play a scenario just to check.  I pretended I was her Great Aunt Pat and said, "Here you go Audrey!  Here's your Christmas present that I chose and bought just for you.  It's a snake!....Now, Audrey, what would you say if that happened?"  AJ:  "I'd say 'EWWWWW' get that away from me, of course!"  So maybe the snake example was a bit over-the-top.  

• Luke has gotten really good at waving.  He'll do it about 75% of the time you say it and wave to him and often does it on his own, mostly towards himself which is adorable.

• Audrey is constantly making up songs, many of which have rhyming verses.  She was singing a little tune one morning that went as follows:  "I love Mommy and she loves me.  She puts me to bed and then she loves Ted."  Hmmmm....let's not sing that one in public, eh?

• I try to be transparent with my kids about how I make mistakes and need God's help all the time (not that they can't see that on a daily basis!)  On the rare occasion I get a compliment from AJ, though, I just shut my trap and soak it up.  So the other day when she said, "Mommy, you are the perfect Mommy.  And not everyone is perfect ya know", I just let it ride. :)

• Luke's "talking" and chatter are just the most precious sounds to hear.  I love his "P" and "G" sounds.  Sometimes even when he's crying and complaining, he'll throw in a long stream of jabber as if he's telling you exactly what he hates about the particular situation.  I hear "BAAAAAABAAAAAGAAAAA" amidst tears from the back seat every once in awhile.  If there is such a thing as a cute baby cry, he has it. 

• Audrey exhibited her first real "embarrassed" moment and it took me by surprise.  We were at my brother's house and I put her in a diaper to nap.  Most of the time she goes without one at home unless she hasn't gone potty in awhile before nap time, but I wasn't going to chance it in their guest bed!  When I went to get her up and she took it off she worriedly said, "Mommy!  Where are we going to put my diaper?  If we throw it away, they'll see it!"  My heart hurt for her that she was experiencing the emotion of embarrassment!  I promised to throw it away where no one would see.  A few minutes later when we got upstairs, she even whispered to me about it again and I had to assure her I had taken care of it.   

• We were driving down the road and Audrey asks if we can "do the fish."  I asked her to clarify and she said, "you know.  On the radio...one o four point seven the fish!"  That's the station we usually listen to and I had no idea she knew the dial number!

• Audrey loves playing school or church and "teaching" David and I something, usually from a book she holds up and declares is the "truly (?) Bible".  She also frequently uses her teacher's "1, 2, 3 Eyes on Me!" phrase to get our attention.

• I walked out of the room for a moment and Luke began to cry.  Behind me I hear Audrey say, "Luke, you're being overdramatic.  She'll be right back." 

I'll work on updating the Picasa gallery when I can and will post an update when I do.  Hope you're enjoying the Christmas season and check back soon for pictures of our move (think positive, think positive, think positive...)