I flew up to Baltimore that Wednesday night to attend the funeral on Thursday and then flew back home Thursday night. It was a whirlwind trip, but I am so very glad that I went. I was thankful I got to "represent" our branch of the family tree and be by my mom's side. Father-daughter relationships are so special and theirs was no different. They held each other in such high esteem. I know when that day comes for me, hopefully MANY years from now, it will break me in a way that I will never, ever recover from this side of heaven. I knew it would do the same to her and I wanted to be by her side as she faced that.
I got to the hotel around 8pm on Wednesday night and helped my mom move her stuff from my aunt's room to mine. I picked up some dinner at the hotel bar and brought it to the room. My mom, aunt, and I talked for awhile before finally turning in. The next morning my mom and I got ready and drove over to my grandparents' house. My breath caught in my throat and tears pooled as I walked into that house knowing he wouldn't be there. He wouldn't be sitting in his big leather chair on the enclosed porch. He wouldn't come ambling through the kitchen, his large frame filling up the doorway as his big smile spread across his face. He wouldn't come over and give me a pat me on the back so hard he'd nearly knock me down.
I caught up with a dear friend of the family, "Nobby", as my mom and aunt got my grandmother ready. She is not in great health either and Nobby had brought a wheelchair van to help transport her to funeral. We loaded up and I walked out of the house slowly, wondering if it was the last time I would ever set foot there.
We drove through some familiar streets as we made our way to the funeral home. I'd spent many weeks there during the summers as I was growing up and visited a number of times in my adulthood. I knew some pockets quite well, but as with everywhere else, new construction and redone buildings made it hard to recognize other areas. There is a certain style home that populates a lot of that area of Baltimore that isn't found much down here in the south...small, all brick, usually with white awnings. Winding through roads lined with those houses always evokes a sense of comfort and home. Maybe it's because both of my parents grew up there and it's in my blood.
When we arrived at the funeral home, I sat with my grandmother and chatted while my mom, aunt, and two uncles set up the room. They pinned old photos on linen boards and had a slideshow running with snapshots of his life...one of five brothers, WWII Army vet, entrepreneur builder who owned his own company, husband, father, uncle, grandfather, great-grandfather, boss, friend. It's amazing how your entire life can be narrowed down to just a few telling titles.
As people filed in and the service began, I looked around the room in awe and appreciation at so many who had come out three days before Christmas to say their goodbyes. There was a moment when they allowed people to stand up and say a few words or share a memory. I watched as big, grown men let tears stream down their faces as they took their turn to share. Over and over again they used words like "integrity" and "character" to describe my grandfather. Their stories were like honey to my soul. The time he loaned money to a new builder in town to help him get his business off the ground and told him not to worry about paying him back. (That builder is now the equivalent of "John Wieland Homes" in Baltimore.) The time his niece went to physical therapy with him and he kept telling the therapist he wanted to do more on the bike. She kept putting him off and having him do easier exercises. She finally told him "No, you're tired and you've had enough today." His reply was a laughing, "I'm not tired! You may be tired, but I'm not!" The time he lifted an employee by the shoulders out of a crumbling ditch just in time. The time a man came to talk to him about buying some property and they reached an agreement on price and shook hands. The man later found out that another guy came to my grandfather just hours later and offered him quite a bit more money for it, but my grandfather wouldn't take it. It didn't matter to him that no contracts had been signed. He told the guy he'd shaken on it...end of story. I was filled with simultaneous pride and devastation as I heard them all share.
We left the funeral home and followed the procession of cars to the cemetery about thirty minutes away. My mom was in the limo behind the hearse, so I sat in quiet with my thoughts as we passed beautiful scenic fields and farms. We pulled into the cemetery and made our way to the chapel for the military honors. In front of me sat my grandmother, my mom, her two brothers, her sister, and her sister's husband. My grandfather's casket was draped with an American flag and the chapel filled with mourners and the cold Baltimore air. The director asked us to stand as taps began to play. I wept hearing the haunting, final notes. This was the second grandfather buried with full military honors and that song undid me both times. My cousin's fiance reached for my hand and squeezed it tight. The young marines in front of us folded the flag and presented it to my grandmother with a final salute. The minister spoke a few more verses and prayed before the pallbearers loaded the casket back into the hearse. We followed by car and got out to watch them lower it into the ground. My mom and her sister walked up close as everyone else hung back. They held each other and wept. No one else knew their pain like the other. It was heartbreaking.
I helped my mom back to the car and we drove to a nearby restaurant where a luncheon was being put on for family and friends. The mood lightened as we caught up and shared more stories. I sat between my mom and Nobby, who was just such a gift from God through the whole thing. Everyone should be so lucky to have a friend like him in their lifetime.
I talked to my grandmother a little more and she told me as she had earlier that she didn't know what she was going to do and that she wouldn't ever get over it. Their marriage never seemed to me to be one of sweet romance or close friendship, but there was a mutual respect and loyalty there for 70 years. They built a home and a family and were together for 70 years. That's no small feat.
Before I knew it, it was time for me to make my way back to the airport. I hugged my cousins, aunt, uncles, grandmother, and finally my mom and walked out to the parking lot. I focused on getting myself safely down to the airport. I returned the rental car and made it in plenty of time to get to the gate. I texted my brothers with an update and tried to hold it together as I waited to get on the plane.
When they called my zone to board, I wheeled my carry-on down the narrow aisle and found my seat. I sank into it and texted David that I was on my way. I stuffed earbuds into my ears, closed my eyes, and blared The Carpenters Christmas album. A woman made her way to the seat beside me and I was so thankful she didn't attempt to strike up a conversation. I didn't even hear the flight attendants giving their safety talk or feel us backing up. All of a sudden we were climbing up into the air and the Baltimore city lights were disappearing on the ground below us. My body quietly shook with gut-wrenching sobs as I looked at the city out of the window. Even though I knew full well that he was no longer there, I couldn't bear the thought of leaving him.
I landed and got home safely that night by the grace of God. I crawled into bed exhausted and hurting. How was it possible that such an incredible man was no longer on earth? As my aunt said a few weeks earlier, "the heroes are leaving us."
There just aren't enough words to describe his dedication to God, his family, and his work. He believed in his grandkids like no one else. He truly thought I could be the president of the United States and often told me to "straighten them out." If only I could.
You will be so very missed, Pop-pop. I'm sorry I broke my promise to you about not getting married until I was 35, but I think it's worked out okay. Thank you for all of the grape snow cones and blueberry pancakes. Thank you for your legacy of hard work and integrity. As another dear man in my life put it, you stood tall in many ways. If my children grow up to have an ounce of the character you possessed, I will be eternally grateful.
- "Be nice to people on your way up. You will meet some of them on the way down."
- "There is so much good in the worst of us and so much bad in the best of us that it hardly behooves any of us to talk about the rest of us."
- "Luxury is far worse than war for a country."
- "You've got to make yourself get up and do. You've got to say, 'I'm A number 1.'" (He would always say I was A number 1 in his book.)
Pop-pop and I at my high school graduation in 2001
Visiting in 2010
Audrey sharing a flower with Pop-pop in 2010
Luke and Pop-pop in 2013
Pop-pop, Nana, Audrey, and Luke in 2013
"If a task is once begun, never leave it til it's done. Be the labor great or small, do it well or not at all." - from his dad
Thank you for doing so many things so very well, Pop-pop. I love you.
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