In short, it's been crazy. Yes, it's been emotional and sadly quiet and strange (for 8 years my whole world centered around getting back home around 1pm or naps and rest), but mostly, it's just been too insanely busy to contemplate it. I went back and read over my "Now What?" post and laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I cried a little. And then I laughed some more.
Oh my WORD, I have not had ANY trouble at all figuring out what to do with my time. To refresh your memory, I signed on to be both kids' room mom and co-chair of the Community Outreach Committee. I thought, "I've always been room mom for both. How hard could it be?" In fact, I may have even entertained the idea that it would be a little easier because there aren't as many cutsie parties and celebrations like there are in preschool. Well, stupidly, I did not consider the fact that everything comes due at the exact same time.
Duh.
The community outreach committee workload hasn't been heavy, but it hasn't been nonexistent either. And then there was a consignment sale, a Baby Sprinkle for friends, the massive undertaking of the Timber Trek, a family baby shower, David's chaotic travel schedule, and our laundry room renovation project that, as projects like that always do, turned into a much bigger thing than we thought it would. There is our small group, which when paired with morning church, means most of our Sundays are full. And then there's just everyday LIFE with kids. Family birthdays, car repairs, illness, appointments. In the span of eight days, we had six doctor/dentist check-ups. SIX. (Idiotic planning on my part, but I was trying to get it over with before the holidays.)
And even handling all of that wouldn't have been unfeasible. It would've been a lot, yes, but it wouldn't have awful. My background is management and event planning. I got this! No sweat! (Am I sweating? Why am I sweating?!)
I think what pushed it over the edge into too much is all of the "extras" that came my way unexpectedly. Within the first few weeks of school, one of my teachers had a birthday and the other was nominated for Teacher of the Year. Both of things deserved celebration of course, but that required extra time and coordination. I spent hours creating class directories for both classes only to have the files lost in a computer glitch and then had to redo them. There have been storybook pumpkins to decorate and a silent auction raffle basket to assemble and special snacks and projects in both kids' classes and school-wide. And of course let's not forget the hurricane (?!) and subsequent days off of school. The expected stuff plus all of the unexpected stuff resulted in way too many days that started at 5 or 5:30am and went nonstop until 9:30pm. I'm talking hustling hard for 15-16 hours a day.
Of course I realize that there are women holding down full-time jobs that, for them, this is every single day. It's their whole life, always, without reprieve. I don't know what to say about that except that I don't want that to be my life. I don't think it's healthy for me or my family. I like keeping busy, yes, but I also like margin. I like my house to be organized, I like being able to plan ahead for holidays and events, I like to work out (okay, I don't always like it, but it's important to me), and I like the availability to be able to do a small act of service for someone or take a meal to a family without having to put it on my calendar for two months from now.
I have always done a pretty good job of choosing my "best yes" and saying no loudly and proudly if something comes across my plate that doesn't fit in. It's why I made the tough decision to quit my part time job after a year. It's why I consistently turn down a lot of invitations to acquaintance's parties and neighborhood events, even if they would be fun. I unapologetically protect my family's calendar and only have the kids in one low-key activity at a time.
But I have failed doing that well for myself these last few months. I think in part because I completely overestimated how much time I would have with both of them in school. I didn't allow each role I took on to have margin within itself for the extra requirements that would come. The other reason that is a little harder for me to confess is that I think I wanted to ensure my decision to not go back to work was justified. That I was still "valuable" even if I didn't contribute to the economy or my family's income. (And let me say, this is in NO WAY coming from David or anyone else...this is the innate "disease to achieve" that's wired into my DNA.)
So that's the problem. But what's the answer? I have read multiple books on slowing down, being present over perfect, saying no to say yes, etc. and I get all of that. I know I cannot take on anything else right now (unless I release something first) and I don't plan on it.
But what about the things I've already said yes to? I have signed on to fulfill these rolls for this school year and I would sooner die than back out on a commitment. But I may die if I have to live at this pace until the end of May. And what if...gasp...I don't want to give up any of these roles and I'm crazy enough to sign on for them again?! How can I ensure I don't find myself in the same overwhelmed state next year?
Here's some things I've come up with that I think will help:
1. Negotiate. When I was talking through all of this with a friend recently, she pointed out something I'd never considered. She told me I was very accommodating to teachers and that I always jump in and do everything they ask of me without question. "You don't have to say no, but it's okay for it to be a dialogue, you know." IT IS? So when a teacher asked me to take a picture with a different background for every month for every student in the class (meaning the result would be handing over 228 different and edited pictures, therefore taking and culling through approximately 500 pictures) I could have said, "what if I do half and someone else takes the other half?" MIND BLOWN. Seriously.
2. Delegate. David sometimes tells me I need to delegate more or recruit other volunteers, which honestly drives me nuts. Sorry honey, but I don't have a team of people that work for me like you do. (Or rather I do, but one of them is five and one is eight so their skills are limited.)
Everyone I know is equally busy, if not busier, I am. I've never met a good volunteer that didn't have her hands in five other projects. BUT, I can ask for help in other areas so that I'm freed up to do the things that only I can do. If that means I lean on the grandparents a little more or outsource dinner to Chick-fil-A or splurge on a cleaning lady every once in a while, then so be it. I cannot delegate 80% of my tasks (I've yet to find a company where you can hire volunteers to fill your volunteer jobs), which means I have to be ruthless about the 20% that I can delegate.
3. Build in space for personal projects...or just for rest. I had a few projects I wanted to get caught up on that haven't happened yet. They don't matter to anyone else but me, which is probably why they keep getting deferred. I'm slowly realizing that if I don't actually schedule time for them (and fiercely protect that time), the space will get filled with other things.
Similarly, if I don't actually write in time to chill out with some fulfilling rest/treats, it won't happen. And I mean things like dates with David, breakfast with a friend, a pedicure, reading a good book...NOT Netflix or Facebook. (And P.S. Self, cleaning the house or making the meal plan for the week isn't rest just because you do it in your pajamas. That's fake rest.)
4. Reframe my thinking. I do not want to be the grumbling, griping volunteer that views all of her roles as burdens. I do not want my kids to think I resent their school or teachers... or worse, that I resent them. If I'm going to continue wearing all of these hats, I need to do it in a way that honors God, who is my ultimate Boss. I need to remember that these are things I chose because they matter a great deal to me. I need to think about them not in terms of I "HAVE" to, but rather I "GET" to.
I GET to have a hands-on role in my kids' education. I GET to spend time with them in their classrooms. I GET to support their teachers and interact with their friends. I GET to serve the school and the community. I'm not going to be perfect at this (it's so much easier and more fun to bellyache!), but I'm going to try to do better.
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