What NOT to Say to a Pregnant Woman

In the past 30 weeks, I’ve experienced a lot of amazing things. One of the weirdest, though, has been the comments that people have made to me and the sudden right they feel they have to some pretty personal information. In an attempt to stick up for pregnant women everywhere and get this off my chest, I’ve compiled a list of the top twelve offenses (ten was too few!) to try to educate the ignorant. Now, perhaps you’ve gone through pregnancy and were never bothered by such statements. If so, please add that to the list of comments I can live without hearing.

I know I should get used to it because I know the advice and comments will just keep coming once the baby arrives. (But please see #1 before reiterating that to me.) I suppose that’ll just give me a topic for a later post. Until then, read on and feel free to add your own favorites in the comments section…


12. “You don’t look so good.” - I haven’t gotten this since the first trimester, thank
goodness, but I felt it was worth mentioning. Perhaps I look like I feel: exhausted beyond belief, nauseas, overly emotional, and slightly freaked out. Please tell me I’m gorgeous. We both know you’re lying, but I think God will totally forgive that one.

11. “Was it planned?/Did you want a girl?/Is David excited?” – I lumped all of these
into one because they are in the category of “stupid question where the only acceptable answer is yes.” Although I have been tempted to give a sarcastic response like, “Why would David be excited? He’s not the father.”

10. “WOW, you’ve really popped out in the past few weeks!” – I’m pregnant. It happens. I see myself daily, so I’m aware.

9. “My back hurts/I’m tired/I have a stomachache” – Just keep the physical ailment complaints to a minimum around me, please. Unless you’re also pregnant, I don’t have much sympathy.

8. “Yada yada, ‘our’ baby, yada yada…” - Other than me, only David and God should be referring to this baby as “theirs.” It is not your baby. You will not spend hours in labor getting her here and then spend a lifetime raising her.

7. “I only gained x lbs when I was pregnant.” - If “x” is less than say, 75, I really don’t care to hear this! If it’s over 75 (AND you’ve subsequently lost it!), I want to know all the yummy caloric details.

6. “My labor was horrific! I had to walk to the hospital uphill in the snow and the anesthesiologist was drunk so I couldn’t get an epidural and then I had a nursing staff from hell and then I had to push for 3 days and…” – I know it’s like swapping war stories, but let’s save that for when I’m in post-delivery. I’m so freaked by the entire process that I’m still not convinced I’m going to let her come out. I may just stay pregnant forever. In the meantime, I only want to hear from those that sneezed and were suddenly holding a perfect baby in their arms.

5. “You shouldn’t eat/drink/lift/do that.” – Now, this doesn’t mean you can’t offer to help. But please just spare me the lectures. I PROMISE you that no one has this baby’s best interest in their heart more so than I do. It WILL be okay if I eat a fresh deli sandwich/drink a coke once a week/carry a few groceries.

4. “Are you going to breastfeed?” - Unless we are close friends or family, I’m pretty sure my breasts and feeding choices aren’t your concern. This question especially bugs me coming from men.

3. “How much weight have you gained?” – Seriously?! And just to clarify, it is NEVER okay to ask a woman this…pregnant or not.

2. “You’re going to have an epidural?!” (with a tone of clear disapproval.) – I am in awe of women that do it naturally. However, I don’t think it makes me less of a mother or a woman to get relief from one of the worst pains a human being can ever experience. I certainly don’t think I should have to justify it to anyone. Every labor is different and, I imagine, comes with different levels of pain. Let me cope with mine my way. And males especially should NOT weigh in on this one.

1. “Just wait…” or “If you think it’s bad now” or “That’s because you don’t have kids yet” or “You’ll see…” – These types of comments are by far the worst in my opinion. Pregnant women are already extremely anxious about the fact that their world is about to be turned upside down. Remarks like this do not help ease those fears. If you don’t have an encouraging word to share, just nod and smile.