That Time I Almost Had Patience For a Full Day

Today was one of those exercises-in-patience days.  Amazingly, I was pretty proud of myself earlier in the evening for how I handled everything, especially given what all is on my plate at the moment and having a husband who is out of town.  I miraculously held it together through multiple stressful situations:

I did not lose it during the 437 errands Luke and I ran today, including WALMART and their stupid one check-out line, bless my heart. I so hate that place, but the budget deems it necessary to visit there from time to time.  

I did not lose it when traffic was at a complete standstill due to construction three separate times for 5-10 minutes each time while on our hurried way home with grumbling tummies.    

I did not lose it when a client sent a undecipherable list of edits and requests for our already-overwhelmed team to tackle.  

I did not lose it when Luke woke up cranky from nap and was painfully uncooperative as we prepared to get Audrey off the bus.

I did not lose it when I cut my finger on the dishwasher in the same spot that had been cut the day before on the smoothie blender.  

I did not lose it when Luke DID lose it after the book fair at Audrey's school.  I mean full on screaming-crying-holy-fit-pitching.  Why would this angel boy do such a thing, you ask?  Because I refused to carry his able-bodied self the fifty feet to the van.  And yes, the principal did walk out at that exact moment and I gave him my best "gotta love parenting" smile.  (He's yours in three more years, sucka.)

I did not lose it on our last quick errand when the kids decided everything in the entire store needed to be touched and multiple sales people decided it was a great time to stop me and be super chatty.  

I did not lose it when Audrey DID lose it after Luke spilled her ketchup at dinner.  I'm talkin' body-wracking sobs because she thought he got it on her pink tutu.  Turns out he didn't.  But as I've taught her: when in doubt, always err on the side of overdramatic.

I did not lose it when Luke made it abundantly clear that he did not want to get ready for bed and moved in slow-motion for ten minutes to prove his point.  

ALL of these high-stress intense moments and I managed to be calm, collected, and sickeningly sweet to my children.  

And then...

Well, then came bedtime routine, y'all.   Bedtime routine on the third night of solo bedtime routining with my what's-left-to-do-before-I-can-sleep list reeling in my head.  We managed to get into pajamas, brush teeth, and read our story without issue.  I bowed my head to pray and, in the middle of my prayer, the children refused to stop kicking each other. 

So...I did lose it.  IN THE MIDDLE OF MY PRAYER.  I paused to forcefully break it up and fuss angrily through gritted teeth.  I tried unsuccessfully to save the moment but ended up launching into what David and I call "lecture praying" when the individual praying aloud is not actually talking to God, but rather talking to you through their intercession.  

UGG.  

I opened my eyes to see their bottom lips poked out and I sighed a deep sigh and whispered, "I'm so sorry I lost my temper and did that, you guys."  We talked about why it was important to listen when someone is praying and I apologized again.  They forgave me and I went on with putting them to bed, making sure to end the day on a better note with giggles and songs.  

Here's the thing:  I am not perfect.  (Shocker, I know.)  I CANNOT do this on my own.  And just when I think things are going great and I have a good handle on it all, something very human in me snaps and reminds me that that is not true.  Even in the very middle of literally connecting with God, I am capable of sinning.  Oh, how I need Him and His new mercies each morning.  And oh how these children need their Mama to let go of the quest for perfection, whether conscious or subconscious, and be transparent in my mistakes and my need for a Savior in both big and little mess-ups.  

Lord, please let these kids remember the thousand things that went well today and fill in the gaps with your grace...and please give us peaceful rest tonight!