Her Gorgeous Eyes

I've been up since 4:30am and cannot sleep, so I'm turning to my cheap form of therapy.  For the first time in four nights, Luke isn't who is keeping me awake tonight.  Instead it's Audrey.  (If it's not one kid, it's the other....)

I took AJ to an eye doctor appointment today.  But let me first back up and start the story at the beginning.  She failed her basic pediatric eye exam at her four year old physical last July.  I took her to Thomas Eye Group in August for a follow-up and, after having us wait for nearly 45 minutes, they did a full exam (mostly done by an assistant tech) and concluded that her eyes were healthy, but the jury was still out on whether she needed corrective lenses for poor vision.  They told me to come back in six months for another exam.  (Insert a several-month long battle about them billing medical insurance and the subsequent $350 bill we were stuck with, etc. etc.)

Six, er uh, 8.5 months later and after a recent incident where she couldn't read a sign a few feet away, I made an appointment for an optometrist recommended to me by the mother of one of her classmates.  The results were far from inconclusive.

In her right eye alone, she is 3x more farsighted than the upper end of the normal range for kids her age.  I was completely surprised at that finding as the child loves, loves, loves to read and does so for at least an hour a day during her quiet time.  

She also has a significant astigmatism.  Because of the difference between the two eyes (both are farsighted, but the right significantly more so), the doctor is concerned she is developing amblyopia, also known as "lazy eye".  She is fairly confident that glasses will correct the problem without the need to patch her strong eye.  They had to order frames, so we'll go back in a week to choose a pair and then back a week later to get them.  Once she gets them she will have to wear them all the time.  We'll follow up with the doctor every 6 to 8 weeks for a few months.  If significant improvement isn't made quickly, we'll begin patching her strong eye a few hours a day at home.  

First and foremost, let me me state that I'm very, very thankful it is not worse.  When the doctor first reviewed the pictures of her eyes before the thorough exam, she was shocked and kept telling me how glad she was that we came in when we did  (can you imagine my guilt for waiting 2.5 months longer than we should have?)  It was a scary worse-case-scenario hour before she reassured me things were manageable.

So that's that.  She needs glasses badly and will wear them, or some form of corrective lenses, for the rest of her life unless she gets Lasik at some point.  

I am disproportionately and over dramatically bummed about this for a number of reasons.  Having gotten glasses at the age of seven, I know this plight well and, frankly, it sucks.  I'm concerned about the obvious medical aspect, but feel confident we'll be able to correct it somehow or another without irreversible damage.  Beyond that, there's the guilt and sadness that she's been living life like this and doesn't know any different.  It makes me cry just thinking about what the world has looked like for her since the day she was born.  Add to that the guilt of having guilt, if that even makes sense.  Then comes one of the things I do best: worry.  I'm worried about her being teased (OH so much), I'm worried about the problem playing sports, I'm worried about the expense, and I'm worried I might do physical harm to the idiots at Thomas Eye Group.  And lastly and a bit shamefully, there's a vanity aspect to all of it.  When she was trying on frames at the doctor's office, I just hated seeing those gorgeous eyes and long, dark lashes covered up.  It didn't look like "her".  

So, yes, I'm losing sleep over this tonight, but God is up with me.  Will you please pray for her, too?   Pray for her brain to begin using her right eye as it should quickly.  Pray for her to adjust to this new normal and be excited about her glasses.  We're building it up as much as possible, but some mean kid along the way is going to tell her otherwise and I need that to hold off as long as it can.  And, lastly, pray I sleep tomorrow night.  Some decent rest would sure would help calm my mama drama.  Thanks, y'all.