Some of It Gets EasiER

Several years back I exhaustedly vented some parenting frustration on Facebook by posting a status that read "If I can just hold on until they're both in school, I'll get a few hours off"...or something to that effect.  I don't remember the exact circumstances that drove me to look for sympathy on the internets, but I imagine it was desperate.  It probably involved a lot of nursing my then-infant son, attempting to reason with my then-dramatic toddler about going potty, a traveling husband, and very little sleep. 

The comments some people posted left me in tears.  Yes, seriously.  Several older mom friends (I'm talking women that had grown children) jumped on and wrote things like "Oh!  We're supposed to get a day off?! I had no idea!" and  "Yeah, I'm still waiting.  Good luck with that!" and similarly snide comments.  I don't know why it cut me so deep (see previous statement about nursing and exhaustion), but it did.  I was drowning in raising littles and instead of throwing me a lifeline, several women that I trusted to help or at the very least empathize decided to point and laugh.  I quickly deleted the post in an effort to prevent others from jumping on the bandwagon. 

It was my fault, really.  I had turned to the world wide web to seek validation and encouragement instead of praying, talking to my husband, or picking up the phone to call a close friend - all things that most certainly would've had a better outcome.  I'd gotten burned, but it wasn't completely without purpose.  It seared a reminder in my brain to always encourage mothers coming behind me.  (And not that kind of "encouragement" that is often offered by whispering "OH.  Enjoy every minute.  It goes so fast."  Really? EVERY moment? 'Cause I got pooped on this morning.  Should I have savored that?!)

If you've read my blog for any length of time, you know I've always hated that and the "just wait"-type comments.  You know the ones:  "Oh you think it's hard now?!  Just wait until he/she can walk/does sports/drive or turns age 1/6/16."  Those are not helpful and they make you sound like a jerk, so stop it.  

Here's a little secret I'm learning:  This parenting thing?  It never gets easy.  It never lets up.  It never stops.  BUT, parts of it do get a little easiER.  The physical demands lessen and the sleep returns and, one day, you will have five whole minutes to complete a thought or a sentence.  I'm not going to pretend like bon-bons (what are those, anyway?!) and soaps are right around the corner, because keeping up with two kids' school schedules on top of volunteering at both places is no joke (careful there, Heather, you're teetering on the edge of "just wait"...)  BUT every once in a while I can drink an entire cup of coffee before it gets cold.  Of course now I'm navigating the choppy waters of first grade friendships and answering hard faith questions, but at least I can do it with hot coffee in my system.  

So hang in there, young Mama.  I know you're tired and covered in spit-up and can't remember the last time you had a minute to yourself.  I know that it feels like if you have to wipe one more hiney or nose or pile of pbj crumbs off the counter you're going to lose your ever-lovin' mind, but there is coming a day when you will have more time for yourself.  A place where you can see daylight breaking over the top of the trench you've been in for so many years.  Until then, hang on for dear life and call a sitter every once in awhile.  Sooner than you think you'll be able to send your kids out in the backyard for fifteen whole minutes by themselves.  (Just remember:  Sibling fights build relational skills.  Let 'em duke it out.)

And to the older moms that commented on my post that day, if you have grown children and have not managed to take some breaks and time off by now, that is totally and completely on you.  No wonder you're cranky.  Chill out and go get a pedicure and a cup of coffee...and buy one for that young mama in the minivan behind you while you're at it.