December/Christmas 2017

Confession:  I'm writing this in February of 2018 and will be post-dating it.  I wanted to jot some memories of the holidays down but between the time that has passed and the congested head I'm battling from my current state of sickness, I don't have it in me to do much.  So here is a fly-by overview of the month and its festivities, mostly in picture form.  

Pre-Christmas Snow:

For the first time that I can ever recall, we got a pre-Christmas snow right here in Georgia.  It caused us to cancel all plans for the weekend and sent our holiday spirits soaring.  It was absolutely gorgeous and I couldn't get enough of the view of the Christmas lights under the blanket of white.  The kids had a wonderful time playing in it the next morning, but didn't last long without waterproof gear and gloves.  

Other pre-Christmas highlights:

Our church partnered with Path Project (the 2017 Timber Trek beneficiary) to put on a Christmas party at a local mobile home community.  Our small group went to serve, and the kiddos of the group did a fantastic job taking lead on the craft table!

Packing shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child

Packing shoe boxes for Operation Christmas Child

Our first annual holiday movie marathon and family room camp out

Visit with Santa 2017

Visit with Santa 2017

The kids' letters to Santa 2017

Audrey's and Luke's class parties.  Audrey's was a storybook theme with a book at each station and an activity/craft to go along with it.  Luke's was a gingerbread man theme.  Both of them were a big success and the kids had so much fun.

And then came more celebrating!  Six celebrations in six consecutive days.  We were tired by the time it was all said and done, but it was a lot of fun and thank the Lord we were all healthy and well!

Christmas Celebration #1:  Our friends the Taylors at our house

We had the Taylors over for lunch and exchanged gifts.  The kids had a blast like they always do and the adults sat around and caught up about everything under the sun.  They left all too soon and we said what we always say..."I wish they lived closer and we got to do that more often."  

Christmas Celebration #2:  David's mom's side of the family at his aunt's house

The biggest highlight of this celebration was getting to meet two week old Baby Carter, David's cousin's newest addition.  The kids were absolutely enamored.  I was too, even after he projectile pooped on David's aunt and I caught some stray friendly fire.  We had a great time eating, laughing, and cooing over Carter.  

Christmas Celebration #3:  David's parents at their house

After church on Christmas Eve morning, we went to David's parents' house and celebrated Christmas with them.  The kids had a blast hunting for the Christmas pickle in the tree, opening their new air hockey table, and working on football plays in Luke's new GT football uniform.  Audrey got a new camera and loved posing everyone with their gifts.  They also loved giving their grandparents these shirts.  After lunch, a round of air hockey, and an indoor snowball fight, we headed home to get ready for Santa.

Christmas Celebration #4:  Us at our house

We spent most of the day lazily opening gifts and sorting through the loot that Santa left.  In my never-ending quest to pull together a special Christmas gluten-free breakfast, I made crepes.  Everyone loved them...except Audrey wasn't too keen.  The kids got such a kick out giving each other the gifts they'd chosen, which was very cool to watch.  Luke also put his new bug vacuum to work right away and found three specimen to suck up and show us.  (We're still looking for the gnat.)  David loved his Boston puzzle and new puzzle mat and everyone in the family somehow ended up with new slippers this year.  We played all the new games Santa brought - Battleship, Sorry, and Life - and worked on Audrey's new lightbox and Luke's new Train My Dino.

In the early evening, my brother and niece came over and we ate a nice dinner in the dining room and let the kids visit and play until bedtime.  It was a fantastic Christmas Day full of sweet memories.

Christmas Celebration #5:  My mom and brothers at our house

The next morning my mom, brother, sister-in-law, and nephews joined David, the kids, and me along with my other brother and niece at our house to continue celebrating.  We tried to keep the food simple and just had hot cheese dip, fruit, chips, a Chick-fil-A nugget tray, and Christmas cookies (I also attempted crockpot hot chocolate that was WAY too rich and no one liked...) We wanted to focus on the time together outside of the kitchen.  The kids did great patiently taking turns opening their gifts.  One of my favorite parts was watching everyone unwrap the custom frame I had made for them with a favorite quote of my late grandfather's:

We sent my mom and middle brother and his family on their way and let the other cousins play outside in the warm sunshine before heating up a feast of leftovers and watching the Trolls Holiday Special.

Christmas Celebration #6:  My dad and stepmom at their house

Our sixth and final celebration was at my dad and stepmom's house with my brothers and their families again.  We had a delicious brunch, took pictures, and let the kids check out my dad's Polar Express train set before diving into the presents.  Everyone spoiled their dog Sophie and Audrey and Luke jammed out with Grandpa to "Little St. Nick"...a shared favorite.  We hit the road in the early afternoon, but not before the kids got a lesson on the right way to crack walnuts by a real wood fire.  

It was a wonderful December full of so many awesome events, parties, and traditions continued.  Even after all the Christmas celebrating, the partying continued with my birthday and New Year's Eve.

I celebrated my birthday with a good run and a Chick-fil-A biscuit.  Later we did some shopping and ate dinner at Provino's at about 4:45pm, as one does when one reaches a certain age.  It was a wild and crazy night, for sure.

The next day, we closed out the year with our friends the Kirkleys as we rang in 2018 with London at 7pm and were in bed by 9pm.  Early to bed and early to rise, as they say...

Here's to another happy and healthy December in the books.  

Many wishes for a wonderful 2018!

2017 Resolutions Recap

This year has been the most goal-oriented and productive year I think I've ever had.  If you've read my blog for any length of time you know why:  PowerSheets.  I'll spare you the sales pitch, especially because I think they're already sold out, but they are definitely the main reason behind my progress.  

I didn't do them perfectly (a couple of months I skipped completely!), but when I did take the time to "work the system", it paid off in big and small ways. 

As a reminder, here were my 8 "Big Picture" goals for the year:

1.  Spiritual Growth 
2.  Marriage Growth  
3.  Continue to stay on track with health and fitness (more races)
4.  Declutter (goal of room-by-room, closet-by-closet, drawer-by-drawer)
5.  Have some adventures (travel, try new things locally)
6.  Improve money management 
7.  Love and serve others well individually and as a family
8.  Reflect and celebrate more (specific events planned, blog more, stay on top of photo albums)

Each of those came with much more detailed goals and action steps.  Some of them are too personal for me to dive into, but I will share a few small victories along with areas I'm still working on:  

1.  Spiritual Growth - I read more of the Bible this year than ever before (as in, reading the actual Word, not Bible studies) and loved it.  What still needs improvement:  consistency, memorization.  

2.  Marriage Growth  - David and I did pretty well with date nights, we took a trip together, and we did a marriage small group study that gave us a few new communication tools.  What still needs improvement:  devotionals together.

3.  Continue to stay on track with health and fitness:  I did very well with workouts this year.  I trained for and completed two more triathlons, including my first terrifying open water swim.  I also discovered some really delicious healthy food choices like hummus and kale chips.  What still needs improvement:  This time of year, my diet does!  It's unfair, but it doesn't matter one bit that you're killing it with workouts if you're still eating dessert three times a day.  

4.  Declutter - I did a complete room-by-room, closet-by-closet, drawer-by-drawer decluttering of the entire house.  It. Was.  AWESOME.  What still needs improvement:  Several spaces I did at the beginning of last year need redoing again already.  

5.  Have some adventures - We traveled a bunch (Savannah, Chattanooga, Greenville, Callaway Gardens, Boston, New Smyrna Beach) and did some really cool things locally (hiked Tallulah Gorge, canoed down a new part of the Chattahoochee, tried new restaurants, and attended some local events.)  What still needs improvement:  Nothing!  More of the same, please!

6.  Improve money management - We met a few goals.  What still needs improvement:  detailed tracking.

7.  Love and serve others well - We continued serving at church through leading small group and greeting, did another year of the Timber Trek, and I took on a new role with the PTA Board as Community Outreach Co-chair.  We did several projects as a family, which was really cool.  I also attempted to do a better job of showing up for friends in tangible ways (providing a meal, sending encouraging notes, etc.), but that is definitely what still needs improvement.

8.  Reflect and celebrate more - We hosted a big anniversary party and two baby showers, I blogged more (barely...but more), and I mostly stayed on top of photo albums.  What needs improvement:  maybe all of the above, but I don't think it's going to happen.  

It's been a year of great goal progress, for sure.  If I'm being completely honest, it's also been too hectic of a year, and I need to make some adjustments.  But I'll get into that a little more when I share my 2018 list later.

Remember, if you don't have PowerSheets, you can look into Lara Casey's or Gretchen Rubin's sites to find plenty of useful tools to help you get started.  Good luck and Happy New Year!

Books I Read in 2017

I read 31 books this year, which is more than I have in the past several years!  

My biggest, simplest tip for how to squeeze in more reading:  download a reading app on your phone (many county libraries offer free access!)  Every time you're tempted to open social media, read instead.  It's also a much better, more peaceful way to go to sleep at night.

Here is my list, with those I recommend asterisked:

• Wild and Free 
• The Invention of Wings* 
• Notes from a Blue Bicycle*
• The All Girl Filling Station's Last Reunion* 
• Daisy Fay and the Miracle Man
• Made to Crave (for a second time)*
• Everybody's Got Something*
• The Year of Pleasures
• Grace Based Discipline
• Scrappy Little Nobody
• A Year of Living Danishly
• Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant
• Let's Take the Long Way Home
• The Whole Town is Talking
• The Bookshop on the Corner*
• The Secret of Sara Revere*
• The 5th of March*
• Cape Cod
• The Nightingale* 
• Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World*
• When Breath Becomes Air 
• Little Beach Street Bakery
• Summer at the Little Beach Street Bakery
• Finish*
• Magic of Motherhood*
• Church of the Small Things*
• Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake
• Simplified Life*
• Love Does*
• Unseen
• Organized Simplicity

5 Year Anniversary of Our House

Earlier in December we celebrated the 5th anniversary of living in our house.  When we moved in, Audrey was three and Luke was 9 months.  That seems like a lifetime ago.

I started to write a list of all of the projects we've done since we signed the closing papers, but it got so overwhelming that I stopped.  The short version is that we've painted nearly every room; tiled, carpeted, or refinished nearly every floor; and changed nearly every light fixture and piece of door hardware.  We extended our deck, have done several huge landscape overhauls, had the exterior painted, and had a new roof and two new HVAC units installed.  We've decorated and and redecorated several rooms in big and small ways and organized and reorganized every single drawer, closet, and cabinet multiple times.  And of course there is our most recent and biggest renovation of moving the laundry room upstairs and creating a mudroom in its former space.  

All of this has most certainly made the house feel more like our own.  You can't walk into a room without seeing evidence of our family and our style.  We have poured our blood, sweat, and tears into every corner of this house...literally, in many instances.

But here is something that dawned on me recently:  If we lost every bit of it tomorrow, we'd be just fine.  We'd be devastated, of course, and heartbroken.  But we'd be okay.  Because more than the home we've created for ourselves over the past five years, we have developed a community here that is indestructible.  

Last weekend we drove over to Cobb County to celebrate Christmas at David's aunt and uncle's house.  For years whenever we crossed into the county line, it felt like coming home.  I was born in Smyrna, moved to Powder Springs/Kennesaw area in second grade, moved downtown Atlanta for my Freshmen year of college, and then moved among various apartments in Smyrna until David and I got married and settled in Gwinnett during my senior year of college.  Cobb held all of my major life moments and memories.  I would drive onto the 75 North exit off of 285 and immediately search the skies for the familiar and comforting signs of the C-130s flying training loops out of Dobbins Air Reserve Base.  

I'm not sure when it first happened, but that feeling hasn't hit me in awhile.  Cobb County will always have a special place in my history and in my heart, but it isn't home to me anymore.  My home is now Gwinnett.  

It took a very, very long time for that to hold true...thirteen years in fact.  When I think of why, it all points to establishing community and traditions here.  It's moments that have taken place inside the walls of our house of course, but it's also all the big and small ones that have taken place outside of them too.  It's the local park where we go see fireworks with friends on the 4th of July.  It's running into people you know at the grocery store (always without make-up on, of course).  It's chatting with the owner at a local deli about his family.  It's dropping off borrowed items in a neighbor's mailbox.  It's looking forward to seeing the crazy Christmas decorations at that one house on the carpool route.  It's memories from annual festivals and celebration desserts at the usual spot and knowing the best hill to catch a beautiful sunset. 

When I go out for my early morning run around these oh-so-hilly neighborhood streets, I think about the families inside. Even though we have a huge neighborhood, between the kids' school and the Timber Trek, I know quite a few of them now.  Thoughts about them drift through my mind as I plod past their driveway:  "I bet their daughter is home from college this week."  "I wonder how her mom is doing."  "I need to text her about that recipe she asked for."  "I wonder how her son did in his tennis match."

If anything ever happened to the house we've made here, the community would join in with our families and carry us through.  I know because I've watch them - us - do it for so many others over the years.  

I adore our house and all the work we've done to it to make it ours.  But what I really love is how much the people around it have come to mean to me.  There is no where else I'd rather be.  

School Days Update, Part II - My Experience

In case you missed it, I wrote a post about two weeks ago with a quick update on the kids' first few months of school.  (Scroll down to read or click here.)  I knew my own update and experiences would take a little longer to process.

In short, it's been crazy.  Yes, it's been emotional and sadly quiet and strange (for 8 years my whole world centered around getting back home around 1pm or naps and rest), but mostly, it's just been too insanely busy to contemplate it.  I went back and read over my "Now What?" post and laughed and laughed and laughed.  Then I cried a little.  And then I laughed some more.  

Oh my WORD, I have not had ANY trouble at all figuring out what to do with my time.  To refresh your memory, I signed on to be both kids' room mom and co-chair of the Community Outreach Committee.  I thought, "I've always been room mom for both.  How hard could it be?"  In fact, I may have even entertained the idea that it would be a little easier because there aren't as many cutsie parties and celebrations like there are in preschool.  Well, stupidly, I did not consider the fact that everything comes due at the exact same time.  

Duh.

The community outreach committee workload hasn't been heavy, but it hasn't been nonexistent either.  And then there was a consignment sale, a Baby Sprinkle for friends, the massive undertaking of the Timber Trek, a family baby shower, David's chaotic travel schedule, and our laundry room renovation project that, as projects like that always do, turned into a much bigger thing than we thought it would.  There is our small group, which when paired with morning church, means most of our Sundays are full.  And then there's just everyday LIFE with kids.  Family birthdays, car repairs, illness, appointments.  In the span of eight days, we had six doctor/dentist check-ups.  SIX.  (Idiotic planning on my part, but I was trying to get it over with before the holidays.)  

And even handling all of that wouldn't have been unfeasible.  It would've been a lot, yes, but it wouldn't have awful.  My background is management and event planning.  I got this!  No sweat!  (Am I sweating?  Why am I sweating?!) 

I think what pushed it over the edge into too much is all of the "extras" that came my way unexpectedly.  Within the first few weeks of school, one of my teachers had a birthday and the other was nominated for Teacher of the Year.  Both of things deserved celebration of course, but that required extra time and coordination.  I spent hours creating class directories for both classes only to have the files lost in a computer glitch and then had to redo them.  There have been storybook pumpkins to decorate and a silent auction raffle basket to assemble and special snacks and projects in both kids' classes and school-wide.  And of course let's not forget the hurricane (?!) and subsequent days off of school.  The expected stuff plus all of the unexpected stuff resulted in way too many days that started at 5 or 5:30am and went nonstop until 9:30pm.  I'm talking hustling hard for 15-16 hours a day.  

Of course I realize that there are women holding down full-time jobs that, for them, this is every single day.  It's their whole life, always, without reprieve.  I don't know what to say about that except that I don't want that to be my life.  I don't think it's healthy for me or my family.  I like keeping busy, yes, but I also like margin.  I like my house to be organized, I like being able to plan ahead for holidays and events, I like to work out (okay, I don't always like it, but it's important to me), and I like the availability to be able to do a small act of service for someone or take a meal to a family without having to put it on my calendar for two months from now. 

The older I get the more I realize it's okay if those characteristics and preferences are true of me.  I'm trying to stop apologizing or justifying it to people who might think it's over the top.  Of course I have to learn to let stuff go and I can't expect everyone else to operate like I do, but if that's what works best for me, I only have a few options:  change, find a way to make it keep working, or some combination of the two. 

I have always done a pretty good job of choosing my "best yes" and saying no loudly and proudly if something comes across my plate that doesn't fit in.  It's why I made the tough decision to quit my part time job after a year.  It's why I consistently turn down a lot of invitations to acquaintance's parties and neighborhood events, even if they would be fun.  I unapologetically protect my family's calendar and only have the kids in one low-key activity at a time.  

But I have failed doing that well for myself these last few months.  I think in part because I completely overestimated how much time I would have with both of them in school.  I didn't allow each role I took on to have margin within itself for the extra requirements that would come.  The other reason that is a little harder for me to confess is that I think I wanted to ensure my decision to not go back to work was justified.  That I was still "valuable" even if I didn't contribute to the economy or my family's income.  (And let me say, this is in NO WAY coming from David or anyone else...this is the innate "disease to achieve" that's wired into my DNA.)

So that's the problem.  But what's the answer?  I have read multiple books on slowing down, being present over perfect, saying no to say yes, etc. and I get all of that.  I know I cannot take on anything else right now (unless I release something first) and I don't plan on it.  

But what about the things I've already said yes to?  I have signed on to fulfill these rolls for this school year and I would sooner die than back out on a commitment.  But I may die if I have to live at this pace until the end of May.  And what if...gasp...I don't want to give up any of these roles and I'm crazy enough to sign on for them again?!  How can I ensure I don't find myself in the same overwhelmed state next year?

Here's some things I've come up with that I think will help:

1.  Negotiate.  When I was talking through all of this with a friend recently, she pointed out something I'd never considered.  She told me I was very accommodating to teachers and that I always jump in and do everything they ask of me without question.  "You don't have to say no, but it's okay for it to be a dialogue, you know."  IT IS?  So when a teacher asked me to take a picture with a different background for every month for every student in the class (meaning the result would be handing over 228 different and edited pictures, therefore taking and culling through approximately 500 pictures)  I could have said, "what if I do half and someone else takes the other half?"  MIND BLOWN.  Seriously.  

2.  Delegate.  David sometimes tells me I need to delegate more or recruit other volunteers, which honestly drives me nuts.  Sorry honey, but I don't have a team of people that work for me like you do.  (Or rather I do, but one of them is five and one is eight so their skills are limited.)

Everyone I know is equally busy, if not busier, I am.  I've never met a good volunteer that didn't have her hands in five other projects.  BUT, I can ask for help in other areas so that I'm freed up to do the things that only I can do.  If that means I lean on the grandparents a little more or outsource dinner to Chick-fil-A or splurge on a cleaning lady every once in a while, then so be it.  I cannot delegate 80% of my tasks (I've yet to find a company where you can hire volunteers to fill your volunteer jobs), which means I have to be ruthless about the 20% that I can delegate.  

3.  Build in space for personal projects...or just for rest.  I had a few projects I wanted to get caught up on that haven't happened yet.  They don't matter to anyone else but me, which is probably why they keep getting deferred.  I'm slowly realizing that if I don't actually schedule time for them (and fiercely protect that time), the space will get filled with other things.  

Similarly, if I don't actually write in time to chill out with some fulfilling rest/treats, it won't happen.  And I mean things like dates with David, breakfast with a friend, a pedicure, reading a good book...NOT Netflix or Facebook.  (And P.S. Self, cleaning the house or making the meal plan for the week isn't rest just because you do it in your pajamas.  That's fake rest.)  

4.  Reframe my thinking.  I do not want to be the grumbling, griping volunteer that views all of her roles as burdens.  I do not want my kids to think I resent their school or teachers... or worse, that I resent them.  If I'm going to continue wearing all of these hats, I need to do it in a way that honors God, who is my ultimate Boss.  I need to remember that these are things I chose because they matter a great deal to me.  I need to think about them not in terms of I "HAVE" to, but rather I "GET" to.  

I GET to have a hands-on role in my kids' education.  I GET to spend time with them in their classrooms.  I GET to support their teachers and interact with their friends.  I GET to serve the school and the community.  I'm not going to be perfect at this (it's so much easier and more fun to bellyache!), but I'm going to try to do better.

So those are some of my suggestions on coping.  Let me know if you have any to add.  We'll see how it goes.  In the meantime, if you see me in the grocery store at 9pm muttering to myself about how in the world they can make milk expiration dates so far out before I realize that date is actually a week away (true story...), you have my permission to slap me across the face, lead me to the chocolate aisle to pick out something nice, and then send me home.  

School Days Update

I cannot believe the kids have been in school for nearly three months already.  Almost as equally unbelievable is that I haven't blogged a single word about it.  I know if I try to capture all that has happened in the last quarter of a year (yeesh) this post will take a sweet forever to write, so I'm going to try to just hit the highlights for each kid.

For Luke, there was definitely a "honeymoon period" for the first week or two.  He enjoyed finally getting to be in the same building as his big sister and loved meeting so many new friends.  Sometime around the end of the second or third week, however, he began asking "Is today a school day?" every morning when I woke him up.  Yes, bless your heart.  Most days are going to be a school day for a long, long time, Bubba.  

He doesn't hate it, he just doesn't love it.  And I can't say I blame him.  Kindergarten is no joke anymore...there are no building blocks, painting projects, or nap times.  It's a lot of work and it's a long day!  The good news is that Audrey wasn't crazy about kindergarten either but grew to love school in first grade, so hopefully he'll be the same way.  

It helps that the school does a phenomenal job of keeping the kindergarteners engaged and interested with the curriculum and programs.  They have already had several STEM projects, in-school field trips with "High-Touch, High-Tech" science programs, career day (where a lifeline helicopter landed on the PE field!), and visits to their school's interactive "career lab".  They've watched the fifth graders put on a play of The Three Billy Goats Gruff and done fun Halloween rotations between the other classes.  They keep them busy learning in fun ways, that's for sure!

His teacher is wonderful and his class has a lot of sweet friends.  There are a few ESL (English as a second language) students in there, and he has taken to a couple of them as a quasi-guardian, which is precious.  I've always said he would have made a fantastic big brother, so I like that he gets to use some of those nurturing and leadership skills in his class.

In his own words, he loves recess and riding the bus home and, as of this morning, his favorite special is "Art.  No, Think Lab.  Maybe both."  

Audrey has settled into third grade well.  The first week was a little tough because her teacher last year was super bubbly whereas this year's teacher is a little more reserved.  When I pointed out that maybe she was more introverted like Audrey is herself, she started to see her through a different lens.  I  challenged her to come up with a couple of good traits her current teacher had instead of just comparing her to former teachers and that helped a lot too.  And let me clarify that I adore her teacher.  She is a wonderful instructor and has a fantastic sense of humor, which I so appreciate.  She was one of the three finalists for the school's teacher of the year, which speaks volumes about her skills and reputation. 

The workload and intensity has increased quite a bit this year.  She has accelerated math every day and Focus (gifted class) twice a week, which means she's changing classes and has multiple teachers...something I didn't do until middle school.  There is at least one test every week and her homework load is heavier.   We're still only spending an average of about 20 minutes every night (not including her 20 minutes of reading because she covers that on her own no problem), but it's one more thing to keep track of and remind her about.  I'm trying to follow some advice their preschool teacher once gave me in this area and create good habits of independence now.  Beginning with third graders, the school requires them to buy an agenda in which they are responsible for writing down assignments, due dates, tests, etc.  Of course my little mini-me enjoys that and stays on top of it.  

Socially she is doing great.  She started the year with a few familiar friends in her class, but it takes her a little more effort and time to make new friends.  Once she was able to break the ice, things definitely got better.

When I asked her this morning about her favorite parts of third grade so far she replied, "Recess, art, technology lab, and writing."  

So that is a fly-by overview of how they're both doing with school.  As for me and my own personal adjustments, well, that's another post for another time.  Hopefully in less than three more months!

A Letter to Luke on Kindergarten Eve

Dear Luke,

Tomorrow you start kindergarten.  Lunch has been packed, clothes are laid out, "jitter glitter" has been sprinkled under your pillow.  Tomorrow you will finally be a big, bad kindergartener.  At least that's what everyone will tell you.  We'll all say how grown up you are and how great you're going to do and we'll wish you all the best.  Everyone will be giving big smiles and big thumbs up.  It'll feel like a party...a celebration...a major milestone! 

But that may not match how you feel on the inside, and I want you to know that that is totally okay.  For sure you'll feel some excitement.  But you may also feel nervous and scared.  You might worry about potty trips or mean kids or whether you'll be able to finish lunch in time (sorry...that one may be my fault for constantly telling you that you will never finish lunch at school if you eat at your normal pace.)  

All of those feelings are completely normal.  And do you want to know a secret?  It's exactly how Mommy feels too.  I will put on a brave face in front of you, but truthfully I am nervous, scared, and worried for you and your sister.  What if you feel all alone?  What if someone hurts your feelings?  What if you learn words or ideals I'm not ready for you to know about?  What if you get embarrassed or lost or overwhelmed? Just typing those things brings tears to my eyes because the truth is that I know you will experience all of that and more at one point or another.  It's life, Bubba.  I cannot always protect you and Audrey from it.  And just the knowledge of that is enough to suck the air out of my lungs.

But here's my other secret:  Jesus.  He and I have already had a lot (I mean a LOT) of conversations about this new chapter.  And He has promised me that He will not leave you. He keeps trying to remind me that He loves you more than I do.  Isn't that a crazy thought?! But it's the Truth.  And if Jesus loves you more than I do, than that must be a million billion trillion GAJILLION percent.  He is going to be right there when you're scared, worried, or lonely and He will not take His eyes off of you.  He has every hair on your adorable blonde head numbered.  Tomorrow morning my grip on you may have to loosen a little, but His never will.  

You have a heart of gold, Luke.  You are smart, you are hilarious, and you are generous to a fault.  You are true and loyal to those lucky enough to call you friend and you are sensitive to others in a way that most grown-ups will never be.  You know how to make any situation fun and those dimples can melt the coldest of hearts.  But more than ALL of that, you are a child of God.  And He's got you in His capable hands.  

So remember that.  And then remember what we always tell you: bravery doesn't mean not feeling scared.  Bravery is feeling scared and then doing the hard thing anyway.  I will be praying and cheering you on the whole way.  I may not be there with you, but I will be here waiting. To comfort you on the hard days, to celebrate with you on the good ones, and to guide you in the uncertain stuff.  After all, I am your biggest fan.  No matter what.  Every time.  Always.  

You and Audrey are the lights of my life, Lukey.  Now go shine bright.  

Love,

Mommy
xoxoxo

Now What?

It's hard for me to believe, but in less than a week Luke will be starting kindergarten.  Like my heartbeat when I write that, I have started and stopped this blog post several times because I'm not quite sure how to articulate my feelings about this milestone.  

(If you missed my many, MANY words on this situation when we first went through it with Audrey, here the links to my three-part blog series: Kindergarten, Part I , Kindergarten, Part II, Kindergarten, Part III: A Letter to My Daughter.  Lawdy did I have some thoughts.)

Some of those emotions are the same.  I am anxious and worried about him, just as I was with her.  I have a better idea of what to expect this time around, but he is a different kid in a different class with a different teacher.  Add to that that he is my baby.  He still says things like "putend" (pretend) and "disdusting" (disgusting).  Audrey seemed so much bigger and older to us because Luke was just two years old when she started.  Now that I don't have a younger one around for comparison, I realize just how itty bitty a five year old is.  

Though the worry is similar, there is a deeper level of heartache this go-round.  It's also a little more self-centered this time.  What has been my job for the past 8+ years is about to change.  Drastically.  I feel it the most every time someone asks "What are you going to do with all that time on your hands?!"  I usually offer a half-hearted chuckle and mutter a joke about taking a nap before changing the subject.  But as we move on, the validity of their question lingers.      

I am clear on one thing:  I am not interested in going back to work yet, even part time.  (Nor am I interested in selling anything, so please don't ask.)  After some quick math, I calculated that there are approximately 81 weekdays that the kids are out of school each year.  That is 22 percent of the year.  Not to mention any sick days or the three hours each afternoon when they are dismissed before usual office hours are over.  Unless I found a job inside the same school system, I would have to work some or all of that time, which I definitely do not want to do.  (Obviously it is not lost on me that this is a very special position to be in, and I am incredibly grateful to even have the choice.)

Of course I know what I'll do with a big bulk of my time.  I'll be at the school with them pulling double room mom duty for their classes, being a classroom volunteer (different thing) for both their classes, and filling my new PTA Board position as Community Outreach Co-Chair.  I will continue to support their teachers and love on their peers in big and small ways.  There is always, always something that needs doing up there and I can stay as busy as I want to be.    

And there will always be something else going on, too.  In addition to the two PTA meetings I have the first week, there is also a consignment sale to finish pricing for and dropping-off and we're hosting a cookout/baby "sprinkle" that first weekend.  To say nothing of the Timber Trek work that I am behind on.  And that's just during their first week!

There will be special PTA events, personal races, holidays, and small group/church responsibilities that will all vie for my attention.  We will host showers and gatherings that will also keep me busy.  Plus our nearly twenty year old house is constantly needing something done, including an upcoming project we may be about to start that involves a sledgehammer.  FUN!

But.  BUT.  I'd be lying if I didn't confess that there is another feeling at play here.  I can't quite put a label on it, but the closest thing I can come up with is "obsolete."  As in, run out of use.  Unnecessary.  Now I know that is a lie.  Of course my kids will still need me very much.  But it doesn't change the fact that I am feeling a bit of that right now.  As I shared with a girlfriend this week, unless you are a stay at home parent who is going to continue being a stay at home parent, I don't think you can fully grasp the shift and the sadness.  Does it mean I'd go back and do things differently to avoid it?  Not a chance.  

The truth is, I don't yet know exactly how things are going to look.  If there is one lesson parenting has taught me, it's not to make sweeping statements about how things are going to be in a certain stage before I am actually in that stage.  As the old joke goes:  I was a perfect parent until I had kids!  

I do know that I'll have to put some guards in place.  Just because I will be more available doesn't mean I have to say yes to every opportunity or need that comes up.  People will undoubtedly make assumptions about my availability and may get disappointed or judgmental when I turn them down.  But let me go ahead and make it clear now: I will turn stuff down. Being involved in their school will be the big majority of my "job", but it cannot be everything for a number of reasons, namely both my sanity and David's.  I'm determined to work hard to keep discerning my "best yes" and manage my calendar, including being fiercely protective of our family time.  

I also know that I am not going to allow myself to be sucked into a new level of perfectionism or performance.  Just because I may have the time to needlepoint 24 stockings for a class Christmas party does not mean I will (...or should.  Seriously.  I can barely sew on a button.) Rest assured that this mama will still be bringing store-bought treats and phoning it in on occasion, just like people with outside jobs do from time to time with their work responsibilities.

So there are some things I am sure of:  I'm not going back to work and I don't have to say yes to or be perfect at every volunteer role that comes across my lap.  But there is still an awful lot of unknown ahead of me.  I'm trying to reframe my thinking to look at it as possibility. Maybe I'll start leading women's Bible Study again.  Maybe I'll take on a few pro-bono babysitting gigs for nearby mamas with little ones.  Maybe I'll exercise at some hour other than 5:30am.  Maybe I'll finally finish Luke's baby book or not wait until the witching hour to cook dinner every day or be able to clean my house all at once without being interrupted. (I will desperately miss having them nearby while I'm doing some things...most things...but cleaning and grocery shopping are NOT on that list.)  

Yes, things are about to change drastically for both me and Luke.  He will undoubtedly handle it like a champ.  I will probably fumble a little more and change my direction a few times, but we'll both eventually figure it out.  I've had a very clear-cut purpose and routine for 8+ years.  It's okay if it takes me a minute to write this next chapter.  And it's okay if I have some heartache as I do.  Like I tell the kids:  If you're sad it's over, that's a sign that you had a great time.  These last eight years have been a lot of things:  hard, imperfect, exhausting, etc.  But oh my have they also been wonderful.  So sweet and so full and so very, very worth it.  Here's to the next phase...and maybe a short congratulatory nap, too. 

July 2013

June 2017/Audrey's 8th Birthday Recap

I know I've been trying to get away from doing the monthly recaps, but I can justify this one because I think it'll be pretty short and easy.  

(Sidenote:  If you missed it, I already covered a lot of the activity of last month in these in-depth posts:  Triathlon #3 - June 3, 2017 in Greenville, Trip to Boston, and Triathlon #4 - June 17, 2017 in Callaway Gardens.)

So between all of that, what else did we possibly have time for?!  

Well the biggest thing of course was that Audrey turned 8!  That morning before David left for work we gave her her birthday present from us:  a new desk and chair for her bedroom, complete with stationary supplies.  She adored it and immediately began organizing her rubber bands and new pink accessories, just as I knew she would.   

She got to plan out the day from start to finish, so after I tore her away from her new desk, we began at Kids Up (where I think she and Luke quickly realized they are now too old for Kids Up. Sad.)  Afterward we stopped by Jilly's Cupcakery to pick out her birthday cupcake and then came home for lunch and rest.  That afternoon we went back out to Queen of Hearts (a big antique store that she loves to roam around in) and the mall, where David met us for some shopping and dinner.  She chose a dress from Gymboree and hairbands and stick-on earrings from Claire's.  Per her request, we searched fruitlessly for a tankini bathing suit that looked appropriate and finally gave up and rode the merry-go-round.  She chose Tin Lizzy's restaurant for dinner, but obviously refused to let us tell them it was her special day, so there was no embarrassing singing.  David drove the kids home in the van while I went by the Dollar Tree to grab the last few favors for her birthday party.  I walked in the door around 7:25 and by 7:29 (the time of her birth), we were singing to her and enjoying our cupcakes. It was a simple but really fun day that was full of both "she's getting so old" moments (choosing shopping at the mall as your birthday activity?!) but also a feeling of "she's still firmly planted in kid world, thank the Lord" (you want to ride the merry-go-round? Of course!)

We celebrated with family and friends at her "Cartwheels and Cupcakes"-themed birthday party that Saturday held at her gymnastics gym.  She had about 14 friends (mostly friends plus their little brothers!) and they spent an hour on the floor doing an obstacle course, bar work, and rope swinging. Afterward we went into the party room where they got to decorate their own cupcakes and pose for pictures with photo booth props.  Audrey decided to open her presents there and it was a flurry of wrapping paper and ribbon.  Before we knew it, it was time to pack up and head home.  The only consolation was that my mom came back and stayed the night with us so she could start her "shift" for mine and David's trip to Boston the next morning.  We had pizza and then watched Little Big Shots before turning in.  

Other highlights of the month included a week of gymnastics camp for the kids, a few playdates, some trips to the pool, a splash pad gathering with our small group buddies, visits to the library, a couple of dentist appointments, a trip to the dollar movies to see Trolls, Father's day celebration meals, and a girls' night in for our small group.  Our church also broke ground on their new campus, which means our days of meeting in a nearby high school are numbered.  We're excited, but since we're not the ones getting up at 4:30am every Sunday to get there for set-up, it's not quite as big of a deal to us!

So I guess we did find time to squeeze in a few other things in June after all!  It was a really good month with a bunch of summertime adventures, but I do hope we get a little more taste of the lazy side of the season next month.  Pictures will be up on Facebook soon, so check them out there.