Tomorrow you start kindergarten. Lunch has been packed, clothes are laid out, "jitter glitter" has been sprinkled under your pillow. Tomorrow you will finally be a big, bad kindergartener. At least that's what everyone will tell you. We'll all say how grown up you are and how great you're going to do and we'll wish you all the best. Everyone will be giving big smiles and big thumbs up. It'll feel like a party...a celebration...a major milestone!
But that may not match how you feel on the inside, and I want you to know that that is totally okay. For sure you'll feel some excitement. But you may also feel nervous and scared. You might worry about potty trips or mean kids or whether you'll be able to finish lunch in time (sorry...that one may be my fault for constantly telling you that you will never finish lunch at school if you eat at your normal pace.)
All of those feelings are completely normal. And do you want to know a secret? It's exactly how Mommy feels too. I will put on a brave face in front of you, but truthfully I am nervous, scared, and worried for you and your sister. What if you feel all alone? What if someone hurts your feelings? What if you learn words or ideals I'm not ready for you to know about? What if you get embarrassed or lost or overwhelmed? Just typing those things brings tears to my eyes because the truth is that I know you will experience all of that and more at one point or another. It's life, Bubba. I cannot always protect you and Audrey from it. And just the knowledge of that is enough to suck the air out of my lungs.
But here's my other secret: Jesus. He and I have already had a lot (I mean a LOT) of conversations about this new chapter. And He has promised me that He will not leave you. He keeps trying to remind me that He loves you more than I do. Isn't that a crazy thought?! But it's the Truth. And if Jesus loves you more than I do, than that must be a million billion trillion GAJILLION percent. He is going to be right there when you're scared, worried, or lonely and He will not take His eyes off of you. He has every hair on your adorable blonde head numbered. Tomorrow morning my grip on you may have to loosen a little, but His never will.
You have a heart of gold, Luke. You are smart, you are hilarious, and you are generous to a fault. You are true and loyal to those lucky enough to call you friend and you are sensitive to others in a way that most grown-ups will never be. You know how to make any situation fun and those dimples can melt the coldest of hearts. But more than ALL of that, you are a child of God. And He's got you in His capable hands.
So remember that. And then remember what we always tell you: bravery doesn't mean not feeling scared. Bravery is feeling scared and then doing the hard thing anyway. I will be praying and cheering you on the whole way. I may not be there with you, but I will be here waiting. To comfort you on the hard days, to celebrate with you on the good ones, and to guide you in the uncertain stuff. After all, I am your biggest fan. No matter what. Every time. Always.
You and Audrey are the lights of my life, Lukey. Now go shine bright.
Love,
Mommy
xoxoxo
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