I finally decided to bring my Imperfect Perfectionist readers up to speed on all of our house/moving drama. Below is the post I wrote and published on that site earlier today. It may offer you a bit of encouragement as you struggle through your own unknowns this week. If nothing else, it'll be a refresher and bring you up to speed on where we are now.
...My Bible Study leader made a comment last week about how much blog material I've had lately with our house selling drama and I realized how right she was. I don't think God intends for me to keep this story and the subsequent lessons I am learning just to myself. Knowing that I'm struggling with such drama may make you feel like you're not the only one whose life isn't going according to plan at the moment.
The Back Story
It all began in April when my husband and I decided to put our house on the market. We spent several weeks preparing the place by taking down most of our photos and personal knick-knacks, cleaning out closets and cabinets, and packing away as much "superfluous" stuff as we could per our realtor's recommendation. We hauled stuff to a storage unit and locked it up. We scrubbed and cleaned and made the place as show-ready as possible. On May 10th, we listed our house for sale.
We had plenty of showings and our first offer came in while we were on vacation at a family wedding. We rushed back and forth to the library fax machine with our counter offer and anxiously awaited an answer on what would turn out to be a bust. Then, a few weeks later on a Saturday night when I was up nursing my infant son at midnight, I checked my email to find another offer for full asking price. I woke up my husband and we were so incredibly excited neither of us could sleep for hours. Two days later, on June 19th, we were under contract. Two days and at least 10 house tours and a million online searches after that, we found a short-sale we fell in love with and put a contract on it. Then we started packing.
We were very anxious about how the timing of everything was going to turn out because short sales are notorious for taking a long time to close. (And, just to educate you on what I've found to be a common wrong assumption: They are called "short sales" because the owners are short what they owe/short what the house is worth, not because they take a short time to sell.) We wondered if we'd have to rent or move in with family until the new place was approved and we could close on it. We were able to negotiate over a week's worth of rental time back from our buyers, so we felt that helped a bit. We did the best we could to focus on packing and prayed God would allow the timing to come together.
Turns out we had no reason to worry. We were set to close on our current house on August 15th. On the 13th, we found out our buyers had failed to qualify for financing. Apparently the husband had claimed an $18,000 loss on an internet start-up business in 2011 and the underwriter did not approve. They scrambled around but could not find another lender and we were forced to terminate the contract.
Let me paint this picture for you in case you missed it: We were TWO DAYS away from closing. Granted, we had 1-2 weeks we were planning on renting back so not everything was packed, but a very good bit of it was. Curtains were down. Decorations were gone. Any kitchen bowl, serving platter, or small appliance we didn't use in the average week was in a box. So not only were we not moving, but suddenly we were supposed to be show-ready again?! And let's not forget to mention the $500 worth of work and many man hours we'd put in getting the buyers' requested repairs done.
We hauled boxes out to the garage. I was so upset that I did most of it in one day of my kids' nap time. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. 48 hours later, we were back up for sale.
The craziest part came just a few days later when our short sale approval came through. It had gone faster than just about any short sale approval our agent had ever heard of. Unfortunately, our sellers were not willing to let us extend the contract because we didn't have another buyer lined up so they let it expire. So now our house was for sale again and we'd lost our dream house to move to. Let me just say, I pitched a holy fit. Then cried, prayed, wondered, prayed, and pitched another holy fit. I specifically asked God that if this was not the right time, that we would not get any showings. Not just no offers, but NO SHOWINGS.
And yet they came. Day after day I had to leave the house spotless and ready, as most agents would give me very little notice before they wanted to stop by. Can you even imagine how rough this was with a six month old and a toddler?! Many wanted to come at nap time or at dinner. Very few were interested in what was convenient for us, but that's the name of the game. On several occasions I would have the place cleaned, haul two kids out, and make dinner plans to eat somewhere (this was getting costly!) only to have them call and cancel at the last minute.
But, alas, showings poured in at a rate of 13 in three weeks and a new offer quickly resulted. We went under our second contract on August 29th. We scrambled to try to get another contract drawn up on our short sale. They accepted it. We nervously sighed a sigh of relief.
An inspection took place and another due diligence period passed, but not long after that, on September 13th, we found out things were going south again. Our new buyers (the husband was a commercial fisherman in Alaska, just as a quirky side note) had a major debt they weren't aware of from a car sale transaction a few years prior. They were turned down.
We went back to market...AGAIN...but this time without the holy fit pitchin'. We knew God brought us through once and He'd somehow give us the strength to endure this again. In two days' time we had seven showings and three offers, two of which were for asking price. Tried as we might, we could not understand what God was doing! Why did we keep getting showings and amazing offers if this was not the right time? We pressed on cautiously, accepted one of the offers on September 25th, and were granted an extension by our sellers on our short sale. This time, however, we required our buyers to give us either a Loan Commitment or a Proof of Funds letter from their lender within 10 days. Yeah, fool me once...or, uh,...twice and all that. :)
Now I know what you're thinking: Surely the third time is a charm. That can't be a saying for nothing, right?!
Wrong.
On October 9th, we learned Buyer #3 (a single woman who owned several restaurants and was buying the place for her sister and putting 25% down) had a rather large discrepancy in her 2010 and 2011 income. She wanted to have her uncle step in as purchaser. Not a co-purchaser - just for us to start over with him as a new buyer.
We quickly went back to the other asking-price offer to see if they were still available and would agree to our terms. They were still interested and so we turned down the uncle, dissolved that contract, and entered in a new one with Buyer #4 on October 11th. That very day we received notice that our short sale package had been approved again from when we went back under contract with them. That meant the clock started ticking for us to close on it in 30 days.
Where We Are Now
So here we are on October 23rd. Over five months into this thing (six if you count the month of work we did to get it ready to sell, which I sure do). Six months. At least thirty showings. Four contracts. And a whole lot of extra side drama I didn't even bother to include. (Don't even get me started on the back and forth between my daughter's would-be preschools and making that decision!) Believe it or not, I just gave you the main points!
The contract on the short sale house we want to buy is about to expire again. In just over a week, our sellers will have to decide if they have any grace left in them to take another chance on us. Then, their lender will have to determine the same thing, because we are going to fail to close within the required 30 days of approval. We are both the sellers' and the lender's best hope of avoiding foreclosure, BUT, I can't say I'd blame them if they'd rather try to move on.
The good news is we still have an "out" if we want it. We're 99% sure that even IF our buyers qualify, they aren't going to be ready to close by the November 11th closing date listed in the contract. That means they'll have to file an extension. If we get turned down by our sellers or their lender for our extension, we could refuse to give our buyers their needed extension and just kill the deal. But oh, I can't even fathom listing this house again, even if we waited until Spring.
I'm exhausted. I'm frustrated. I'm ready to have my stuff back in one place and all the boxes gone from my home. I'm ready to know where we're going to be living in a matter of weeks.
Each month I take perspective pictures of my infant son. Every time I pose him in the glider next to that month's number and his teddy bear I think, "next month I'll be doing this in the new place."
When I buy a bottle of shampoo or open a new container of laundry detergent, I think, "the next time I have to open a new one of these, it'll surely be in our next house."
Each expiration date I see at the grocery store, I wonder, "What stage will we be at in the journey by then?" I know it sounds incredibly silly, but it's what I do.
Thinking like that - always waiting and counting days - robs you of the present. This whole process has shifted my focus for months. There's the actual phone calls, emails, discussions, etc. that take place that steal minutes and hours and then there's the wondering and obsessing and worrying that take up huge chunks of energy and time. Just the explaining to and updating friends and family takes an enormous amount of work.
It's brought up in just about every conversation I have. It fills just about every other thought I think. It prevents me from committing to people I love and things I want to do: "Yes, I can help you volunteer that day. IF we aren't moving." "Oh, we'd love to come for Thanksgiving. IF we're not moving!" "Start planning the class Christmas party? Why, yes, IF she's still at that preschool because, you know, we are moving." I even dream about it.
I've hesitated to draw this parallel because I was afraid of offending someone out there in blog land, but I'm going to take that chance because it helps me express what this has been like for us. I feel as though, in the tiniest of ways, this is somewhat like trying to get pregnant. Please note that I am NOT comparing it to facing infertility or the heartbreaking suffering of a miscarriage. I just imagine that the roller coaster ride is similar. Each month, I nervously keep my eye on the calendar. I've written down one closing date after another - August 15th, September 28th, October 26th, and now, the latest, somewhere around November 19th. Each deal that falls through and each date that passes, it's really sad for me to realize we've had yet another roadblock, another failure, another "not yet." I feel like I'm in this huge limbo stage, unable to make real, long-term plans for our family because I don't know where we'll be. And yes, I am incredibly blessed to have a family with which to make plans. I know that. I get that. And I am so grateful for the blessings we DO have. I'm just...so unsettled. And it's unsettling.
The Lessons
I wish I had a long, wise list to put here. The truth is, I'm still trying to figure out what the lessons are that I'm supposed to be learning. I get the obvious one: patience. Is that "it"? (Not that that isn't quite big enough, thank you very much!)
I know for sure I've gotten way better at being more flexible and releasing my need for control and preplanning. Not to mention that if you had told me a year ago that I'd have half of a garage and a storage unit filled to the brim with boxes and containers and I'd be functioning okay with such a disorganized mess, I would've told you there was no way.
I'm also cutting myself some slack about feeling guilty over being "materialistic." I miss my stuff. There. I said it. I want all of my possessions out of boxes and under one roof again. And I think that more than making me sound like a spoiled brat, this makes me realize how the things I own are actually worth something to me. I've missed each piece of decoration, each photo, that made our house our own. They all came with stories and memories. Those things gave it personality and warmth and it's okay that I want them to fill our walls and spaces again.
I'm moving ahead and doing the best I can. I'm making plans and committing to what I can.
I'm praying God's best for our family - and truly, truly meaning that. If He chooses to keep us here or move us there or do something else entirely, I have learned to trust His big picture.
So maybe I have learned more than I thought. Quite a lot, actually.
One of my favorite quotes is by Max Lucado and says: "God owes no one anything. No reasons. No explanations. Nothing. If He gave them, we couldn't understand them. God is God. He knows what He is doing. When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart."
I am, Lord. I'm trusting. I hope you are too out there in blog land. Whatever dream deferred or tough situation you're facing right now, seek His will and then trust it. You may be disappointed in the short run, but boy is it worth what He has in store in the end.
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