Thoughts On My Thirtieth

As I lied awake unable to sleep from my bronchitis-wrought coughing fits, I glanced over at the clock.  11:15pm.  In just forty-five short minutes, I'll be leaving my twenties behind and entering a new decade.

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this.

My twenties have been really quite good to me.  In short, I began the decade as an engaged college student and am ending it a happily married stay-at-home mom of two precious little ones.

...No, that's too easy.

My twenties held more major life changes than any other decade likely will for the remainder of my time on Earth. To name a few:  multiple moves, marriage, college graduation, new job/house/car, new church, leaving job, new business, old-new job, pregnancy, leaving job, first child, leaving church, new church, new car, pregnancy, second child, selling house, new house.  There were mission trips, leisure trips, and a million little road trips.  There were many, many business trips that kept us a half a world apart for longer than I care to think about.  I said good-bye to older generations and buried loved ones.  I said hello to new generations and held tiny babies so fresh that the vernix was still matted in their hair.  I started friendships.  I ended friendships.  I ran more miles than I count and finished enough races to be proud of.  I overcame crises in our family and in my faith.  Although I was blessed not to face any serious medical issues, I certainly endured plenty of sickness and a broken ankle.  The parties, the celebrations, the holidays that we've had.  The Bible studies and small groups I've been in and grown from.  The adventures.  The hairstyle changes.  The tears.  The laughter.  And oh the weight gain and loss.

This past year alone has been the most stressful of my life to date, filled with both very high highs and very low lows:  Adding Luke to our family, gaining a stepmother, selling the best home I've ever had, and finally moving to a new dream house that was an exhausting nightmare to get to.  We've had cancer scares and very ill grandparents on both sides of our families this year.  It seems that just about everyone close to us has faced really tough challenges.  I've never felt so unheard by God in my spiritual life and so confused as to which path He wanted me to take.  It was frustrating and it was humbling and it brought about major lessons and permanent change.

...There, that's a little more like it.  A more accurate description of what the last ten years, specifically the last twelve months, have held.

So how do I feel about saying goodbye to all of that?  Well...I'm okay with it.  It brought me to where I am, which is snuggled beside my sleeping husband just down the hall from my two sweet babies in a amazing new house that friends and family spent all day working their tails off to improve as a celebration of my 30th.  How can I be anything less than grateful to be entering a new decade?  I can't.

I may not know what the next ten are going to hold, but I do know this:  My God does.  And He's FOR ME.  And, oh, is He faithful:

Your love is waiting for me to come chasing, 
revealing the depths of Your heart
Mystery unfolding, Your plan lies before me
I'll stand and sing for you are
Faithful.  

Thank you, Jesus.  For all that you've brought me through to get me here.  For loving me too much to leave me unchanged.  For the gifts of my salvation, my freedom, my family, my friends, my health.  For thinking me worthy of these when I am not.

Guide and protect me as I head into this new decade, Lord.  Whatever it may bring, I pray for more joy than sorrow and more laughter than tears. Mostly, though, Father, help me point others, especially those tucked inside these walls tonight, to You.  Amen.