Happy First Birthday, Luke!

So I'm a little behind in blog posting.  The good news is that life has the potential to slow down in March and April and I may actually get to write a little more.  Maybe at least squeeze in a tidbit about Christmas for pete's sake.  But this post couldn't wait until then.  Even if it bugs my OCD heart that it'll make my catch-up ones out of order, I couldn't put it off.

So here is a letter to my sweet birthday boy on his first birthday:

Dear Luke,

It's 4:21am on your birthday and as I lie here unable to sleep, my mind drifts back to the day you were born.  I went in to the hospital the night before for an induction and, as I recall, did very little sleeping then as well.  I was so uncomfortable with all of the monitors and IVs hooked up to me, not to mention the mental anguish that comes in the hours just before giving birth.  The sound of your heartbeat pounding on the fetal monitor filled the room.  It made such an impression in my brain that I heard phantom echos of it for several days after.

I'll skip the details of that morning and fast forward to when they placed you on my chest.  You were perfect.  I had been so worried that delivering you two and a half weeks early was too soon, but the doctor was right.  At 8 lbs 13 oz, it was time.  I stared down at your blonde hair and hugged you close as I inspected each tiny finger, toe, and everything in between.  You wailed, then blinked, then met my eyes and settled down.  It was a dream come true.  You were here.  You were mine.  And, oh, was I yours.

I never would've believed what lay ahead as we drove you home from the hospital the next day.  This past year has not been easy for our family.  In fact, sometimes I get angry and fear that too much time was spent on the selling and moving drama among 800 other things going on.  Sometimes I worry I let it rob my attention and my focus from treasuring those days.  But then I recall how for weeks (months?!) I let you nap on my chest each afternoon.  How I would hold you until my arm felt like it would fall off because I just didn't want to put you down.  The times I would drop everything just to rock you or sing to you.  The hundreds of pictures I just finished sifting through for your slideshow are proof...I didn't miss a thing.  And I am so grateful to have been a part of each of the past 365 days.

It won't always be like that, though, will it?  I ache just thinking about how fast it's gone and how you already need me less.  We love to play a game with you where we all get down and crawl around, squealing as you chase us behind the couches and around corners.  We always let you catch us and you always greet my face with a open-mouth slobbery kiss.  It is the sweetest thing.  But my mother's heart knows that you're not always going to come chase me.  That there will come a day that you head the opposite direction.  I can only pray that that direction is always towards the Lord...and that you will still come home and greet me with a kiss.

You are such a source of joy to our family, Luke.  You have completed us.  You balance us.  Not because you're a boy.  Not because of anything you have done or will do.  Simply by existing, you
have made our family a whole family.

I see so much of each of us in you, but I want you to know that I also see YOU.  And I very much look forward to learning more about that little person and helping guide him into childhood.  It will not be an easy task.  I will not be perfect at it.  Some days I will not even be good at it.  But I will try my best and God's grace will fill in the gaps.

Lord, bless this child.  Make him strong and healthy in body and in character.  Give him a hunger for You and a passion to seek You and Your will.  Protect him from the enemy.  Give him clarity of purpose, of right and wrong, of good and bad.  I pray he works hard doing something he loves and that it wouldn't return void.  I pray that You would bless him with a perfectly-matched soul mate who loves You.  I pray he grows to be a godly man who leads his family in Your ways.  I ask You to fill Him with the fruits of Your Spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control.  Thank you for his life, Father, and may it ever point towards You and Your goodness.  Amen.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.  As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.

Happy Birthday, Bubba.  

Love,

Mommy
xoxoxo