1,000 Miles

But I would walk 500 miles

And I would walk 500 more

Just to be the man who walked 1,000 miles 

To fall down at your door

I've had these lyrics by The Proclaimers stuck in my head for weeks ever since I noticed my Nike running app ticking closer to 1,000 miles on its odometer.  

I am admittedly proud to say that, after nearly two years, I achieved that benchmark yesterday:

1,000 miles in 202 runs over the course of two years.  A THOUSAND MILES.  And that does not include the 100 or so I've probably logged on treadmills or completed untracked.  

That's an average of 41.7 miles per month, or 9.6 miles per week, of running.  My biggest month was 83.2 and my smallest was a lowly 9.1 (February of this year, actually.)   But you know what?  Every month had a number in it.  All 24 of them.   

Of course I didn't just begin running two years ago.  I have run off and on since high school, doing a dozen or more 5Ks and a couple of 10Ks through the years.  But this is certainly the most consistently committed I've ever been to the sport.

Oh, don't get me wrong.  I'm not an expert.  Those miles were S-L-O-W and often ugly.  And I'd say that out of those 202 runs, I probably really only felt like doing about 1/4 of them.  Maybe not even that many.  The vast majority of them were run at least partially in the dark early morning hours.  Many were freezing (or below), many were hot and humid, and some left me soaking wet with rain or snow.  Some were while pushing a jogging stroller full of a heavy, whiney child.  There was soreness and dehydration to contend with and, as all runners know, the mental hurdles were a beast.  Those are always far worse than the physical struggles.  

But here's another secret:  When I finished each run, I never once regretted going.  Not a single time did I think, "I really wish I hadn't run today."  Not EVER.

There wasn't any fanfare when my app rolled over that mark yesterday.  The monumental mile happened at dawn on my neighborhood streets, like most of the 999 miles before it.  It was quite fitting, actually.  Because here's what it confirmed for me:  Most of the greatest successes in life happen at a painstakingly slow pace, over a long period of time, without a ticker tape parade for every little victory.  It's showing up and doing your best to put one foot in front of the other over and over and OVER again even when you don't feel like it.  

Actually, especially when you don't feel like it.  (See also: Relationships, parenting, marriage, career, homemaking, etc.)  I guess you could say it's like running with endurance the race that is set before you.  (Hebrews 12:1)

Thank you, Lord, for the health and strength to have accomplished this.  I so enjoyed our talks during a great many of those miles.  Sorry for huffing and puffing so much.  

Here's to another 1,000.  Y'all let me know if you want to go out for a jog.  

April 2015 Recap

April kicked off with a quick visit from Kara, Easter, and then Spring Break, which was a lovely way to begin a month.  It ended a lot busier with less fun things, but we'll get to that shortly.

Kara swung by with the kids on Friday (her girls had off from school, but unfortunately AJ did not) and we caught up about as much as we could in between Luke's Superman interruptions.  That night the kids spent the night at David's parents and we went for a run together, had dinner, and came home for a DVR marathon.  The next day we laid 20+ bags of wood chips on the playground, put out a dozen bails of pine straw, and finished clearing out the woods just on the other side of our fence.  It's still our property back there and had begun to encroach on our backyard and look a mess.  I had started the project earlier in the week and made an impressive dent, but was no match for David with a chainsaw.  We joked that there had once been a time we could've gone for a run together and then done all that yard work, but sadly, that day ceased with our twenties.  I think we might could have pulled it off, but not without still maintaining mobility.    

We met Ed and Pam to pick up the kids and came home to dye Easter eggs.  Stuff like that really gets easier and more fun every year.  On Sunday morning, we went to church and enjoyed a great service.  Back home, the Easter bunny had stopped by and the kids dug into their baskets.  Afterward, everyone humored me through taking some pictures and then we had an egg hunt in the backyard.  At some point a few days earlier, I realized that Audrey had gone from having about five egg hunts a year between preschool, Kara's that she did when she lived here, Alabama (we didn't get together this year), our neighborhood's, and then ours in the backyard to having just the one in our backyard.  And I also realized I was totally fine with that.  Kinda bummed for Luke, but he'll get one at preschool next year.  

After hunting eggs, we ate a quick lunch and the kids went down for rest/nap while I started cooking a couple of things for dinner.  We went for a little hike on one of the neighborhood trails and then back home for dinner.  (That's another thing that has gotten a lot easier and more fun as the kids have gotten older - hiking/taking walks.  They're able to go farther and there is a lot less whining from Luke begging for us to hold him halfway in.)  I was really excited about dinner because it was the first gluten-free "holiday meal" I'd made and everyone enjoyed it.  We rounded out the weekend by playing the game Headbandz that the Easter Bunny had given them.  It was a wonderful Easter full of spending time with my biggest blessings and the perfect way to kick off Spring Break.

The week of Spring Break was a great mix of fun stuff and relaxation.  I asked Audrey to pick three things she really wanted to do and she chose spending the night at her grandparents' (which they did the Friday before), having a play date with her friend across the street (which we couldn't because they were traveling, so we had play dates with several other friends), and going to the children's museum (which we did with friends on Wednesday.  It was insanely crowded  because of a field trip, but we made the best of it and ended with a picnic in the backs of our vans, which the kids thought was cool.)  We also went to Kids Up and then ended the week with my mom coming out to spend the night.  She brought along my niece Annelise who was in town and they all had a blast playing together.  

The second Saturday of the break, David and I got up early and drove down to Roswell to do a 10K that ran by the Chattahoochee River.  It was perfect weather, the pollen count was low (if you don't live in GA, you don't even know how big of a deal this is but trust me), and the course was extremely flat.  All of that made for a great race and, despite his less-than-consistent training schedule, David ran the whole thing.  We were super proud of ourselves and celebrated by swinging by Martin's for a biscuit...our first trip there in probably six years.  It was as good as we remembered.

Unfortunately, David had to go into work that day as well as the next.  My brother met us at church in the morning and then he left to get Annelise from her grandparents' and go back to Savannah while we grabbed lunch and surprised David at work.  It was good to see him and lift his spirits for a little while and the kids always love checking out his office.  

We drove home, I put the kids down for rest/nap, and started cleaning up the house for small group.  David got home just in time to lead it and then we ate, put the kids down, and he went out to cut the grass while I worked.  Suddenly that relaxing Easter weekend seemed far away!  Still, it was a great break for Audrey and just left me wanting summer all the more.  

We got back into the routine of things relatively quickly that next week.  We didn't have much of a choice, though, as Kindergarten Market Day was the Friday after Spring Break and there was work to be done.  (If you're unfamiliar with what that is, each class transforms into a place of business and half the kids are consumers while the other half are workers and then they switch after about 30 minutes.) On top of that, Luke had a check-up that Tuesday and I had a Volunteer Appreciation Brunch that Wednesday.  All turned out well and Audrey had a fantastic time at her little Market Day.  I told the other parents I felt like it was Black Friday for five and six year olds.  They were insane running from class to class.  There was a little bowling alley, a jewelry shop, a candy store, a disco, a movie theater, and her class was a pet store with live animals you could learn about.  It cracked me up when about halfway into being worker she whined, "Mommy!  This is boooooring!  I want to be finished working."  Well.  Welcome to the real world, kid.  Turns out everything you need to know you really do learn in kindergarten.

That night David and I celebrated making it through the week by going out on a dinner date and then picking up approximately thirty paint swatches from the paint store to begin the process of choosing a color for our exterior.  He may have gone into work that Saturday, but truth be told, I can't even remember.  I do know that on Sunday after church, we drove out to Douglasville for my nephew's seventh (wha?!) birthday party at a bounce house place.  The kids were amazingly fearless trying out everything and had so much fun celebrating Carson.  While watching him and the little boys he'd invited, I realized how glad I am to have a son.  Their sweaty hair plastered to their little heads and the way they saved seats (by putting their hand in the actual chair, of course) is just precious.  Of course I'm very glad to have a daughter, too.  The best of both worlds for sure.

The next week was slightly slower.  We celebrated Audrey's pretend birthday at school (since hers is in the summer) and I ate lunch with her and took the class popsicles to eat after lunch.  She was so upset that morning as she worried about standing in front of the class and having them sing to her.  I explained that sometimes the things we want to do (celebrate our birthday by sharing popsicles with the class) come with things that we don't care for (standing up and having them sing.)  Good and bad.  Pros and cons.  You know, LIFE.  I even had her sing it to me that morning while I counted and explained it was about 20 seconds and it would be over.  That didn't placate her a bit.  Finally I told her she could ask Mrs. Lynn if she could skip that part, but that if she answered no, that was that.  She asked me to please write a note to "excuse" her.  I said absolutely not.  Back and forth drama all morning.  Long story short, I showed up at lunch and asked her how it went.  Her answer?  "AWESOME!  I LOVED IT!"  :)

The rest of the week was filled with paint samples and play dates.  David worked late nearly every night that week, missing dinner and bedtime.  By Friday afternoon, I was done.  I loaded the kids into the car and took them to the gym for a while.  They were entertained and I got some stress out on the treadmill and bike.  I picked them up from childcare and we walked out into the parking lot to find that someone had backed into my van.  UGG.

Thankfully the guy had left a note and David called him and then the insurance company that night.  We're still in the middle of getting all of that handled.  But just, UGG.

The last week of the month we had an orthopedic check-up for Audrey.  We saw a different doctor who said that either the first doctor was full of crap about her muscles shortening or that the stretching had done it's job, because she is fine.  He also said most kids don't outgrow toe walking until the age of seven or eight.  We'll continue to work with her and stretch this summer and follow up with one more doc that he recommended in about three months.  

On Wednesday, I sent Luke to Pam's for the day because I just needed some time to get things done at home. I used the opportunity to catch up on some projects that have fallen by the wayside since I started work and, yes, I also admittedly used some of the time to catch up on the DVR a little too.  Later that week I drove the van in for a repair quote and then met with the insurance adjuster for his quote.  Turns out it's going to take 4-5 days to fix and involve a rental car.  (Did I mention UGG...but still, yay for honest people?!)

I also had a realtor/designer that lives in our neighborhood come by and talk through some paint samples with me.  When I thought we were just changing the siding color, I felt semi-capable.  When it became evident that we probably needed to switch up trim and shutter color as well, it was more than I could handle.  She offered some great tips and narrowed it down quite a bit for me.  I think we may actually be able to make a decision sometime before the painters show up in a few weeks.  We ended the month preparing for out-of-town guests and a crazy hectic first weekend of May, but that's next week's recap.

So, there's April.  Its slogan should be:  "Busier than March, but not quite as crazy as May." I could've saved both of us a lot of time if I'd just recapped with that statement, but where would the fun be in that?!  

Catch up more soon! :)

Plateaus

I've hit a couple of plateaus here lately that I feel the need to lament about for a moment.  Spoiler Alert:  I promise I'll finish on a good note.

The first is in the area of weight and fitness.  I'm well aware of the shallowness in that and that I've already dedicated way too much blog space lately on the subject.  That being said:  C'MON, MAN.  

I've lost 7 of the 12 lbs I want to lose, but cannot seem to break past this point.  I'll usually get to this number and, having had endured dieting for 4-6 weeks already, I'll throw in the towel and gain it all back.  I've been at this on and off since November ("off" being pretty much all of December and a good chunk of January), but with slightly more regularity since February and I'm just kinda over it.

At the risk of getting the "just wait" comments, I gotta say I am not at all pleased with what age and this post-baby stage of life has done to my metabolism.  I used to be able to reign it in diet-wise for a week or two and jog around the block and the weight would come off.  (Okay, that's not entirely true, but I swear this did used to come a little easier.)  Now I take one cheat day, or lately, just a cheat MEAL over the weekend, and I spend three to four days getting it back off, which does not equal a lot of progress.  

There are a few other areas that I'm feeling these plateaus as well:  a couple of different friendships, organization projects around the house, and, the hardest hitting one right now, the neighborhood 5K I'm trying to put together.  

I haven't shared a whole lot about the project, but I've been working on it in the background.  I can't remember where I left off or what I've already written, so let me give you a quick recap of the timeline:

Late October - I got things rolling and submitted a proposal to the HOA board.

November - I met with the Board and presented the proposal.

Mid-January - I finally heard back from the Board with a green light.  Unfortunately, all of the spring dates were booked already with the organization I wanted to partner with.  We began to look at Fall, but only two dates were open.  Due to an oversight by the race organization, one filled up and we were left with a less-than-desirable mid-November date.

Mid-March - The race organization added a new employee and tons of Fall dates opened up.

Early April - After running it through several channels, a date was chosen:  September 26th.  Glory be.  We secured the a website domain name and got to work on drafting publicity.

Mid April - I submitted an official announcement and two proposed course options to the HOA Board for approval.

Now, if you read in between the lines of the above, you will see some struggle.  There have been some serious back and forth and ups and downs and excitement and disappointment over this already.  So, when I got an email earlier this week from a Board member stating we needed to talk about "some things that would definitely have to change before the Board could give a thumbs up" you can imagine my discouragement.

Again I say, C'MON MAN.

In my previous life, I was in charge of a lot of volunteers.  I recruited them, trained them, and celebrated them.  It was my world for a period of time.  

Here is one of the many things that I learned during that time:  When someone competent is willing to step up and do something for your business/organization/community FOR FREE that falls within its vision/goals/priorities, you do not make it difficult for them.  You empower them.  You support them, encourage them, and give them the tools they need to succeed.  You do not want to make them jump through hoops or micromanage them or make them wish they'd never volunteered in the first place.  That is a no-no.  Duh, right?  That is Managing Volunteers 101.  

And yet, that's been my experience and it's all been so...defeating.  I feel tired.  And the real work of organizing, registering, drumming up sponsorships, etc. has not even begun yet!  Ugg.

I was in the mental thick of it Wednesday night and had a hard time sleeping.  I was rudely awaken by my alarm at 5:45am Thursday morning.  I got dressed and sleepily drove to the gym in the dark.  I prayed on the way, asking God to help me push through these walls that seemed to be cropping up everywhere.  As I pulled into a parking space, I ended my prayer by asking Him to just give me some signs and encouragement that day.  I needed to know He saw my weariness and I needed a "fresh word" as they say in churchspeak.  

I walked through the gym doors and immediately noticed a new display of t-shirts for sale.  The one in front jumped out at me.  It read:  "Remember Why You Started."

Huh.  That's a coincidence.

I did my workout and drove home to finish getting the kids ready and take Audrey to school.  Flipping through the radio channels on the way, I stopped on the local Christian station and heard a song I hadn't heard in awhile.  The song was "Our God" by Chris Tomlin and talks about how God is greater, stronger, and higher than any other and that if He is for us (which He is) then no one can ever stop us or stand against us.  (Romans 8:31)

Well.

My outlook and mood were starting to slowly shift, thankfully.  What really sealed the deal, however, was a devotional I read later that day.  The title drew me in immediately.  It was so fitting, I actually laughed out loud.  It was...get ready...Did I Hear God Wrong?

Perfection.  Please stop and read it right now.  I could summarize all of the key points, but I wouldn't dare be able to do the great job that Lysa TerKeurst did.  

It was everything I needed at the very moment that I needed it.  Just as I was wondering whether I'd really been called to do the race...whether I'd misunderstood God's prompts...I received multiple signs and a breath of fresh air from Him that renewed my resolve.  Obedience to God rarely means walking an easy path.  It's a road full of valleys, peaks, and a few plateaus, but oh, the view at the next level is worth it.  

Stay tuned for more race news and in the meantime, please pray for favor and support from the HOA Board!

Thankful Thursday

It's been a busy week as I've been prepping for this Friday's Kindergarten Market Day.  I was up at the school for a couple of hours yesterday and am headed back up in a little bit to help get the classroom organized and put up a few decorations.  I'm definitely not doing near what I did for the class's winter party as I'm trying to save some money and sanity for the end of the year party that happens in about a month.  As I heard somewhere recently (and may have already posted because my brain is just that good these days), April and May are the November and December of Spring.  It's hectic!  Chick-fil-A for dinner tonight?  Why yes, I think we will.

Here is this week's list:

1.  A healthy three year check-up for Luke.  My favorite part was when I was answering the development questions and the form read "Does your child use 3-4 word sentences when speaking?  Give an example."  I looked at Luke who had not stopped talking all morning just as he said, "Mommy? Am I going to have to get a shot today?  Because I'm a little nervous about that.  I really don't want to get a shot today.  Will they listen to my heart with a stethoscope?  Will I get to pick out a sticker at the end?  Where are we going after the doctor's office?"  Yeah.  I think we're good with speech development. 

I am a little concerned about his lisp when using "s" and "th" words, but the doctor explained that that is a motor skill that usually takes until the age of five to master, so we'll wait a little longer.  Only a little though, because, as you know, we've had an awesome track record so far about playing the "just wait it out game."  (See also: AJ's toe walking, amblyopia, and ignoring her decreased growth rate...)

2.  A great race!  David and I had our 10K on Saturday and it was awesome!  He surprised me with his endurance and we made really good time (for us.)  The course was super flat, the weather was gorgeous, and the pollen count was low.  We celebrated with a Martin's biscuit on the way home, which I don't think we've had in a solid seven years at least.  Delicious!

3.  A good Spring Break.  I had the best of intentions to write a post about our Easter and AJ's Spring Break, but I guess it'll just have to wait and be included in the April recap.  The gist: We had several fun play dates with friends and grandparents, we went to a children's museum and a bouncy house place, we had a pajama day, and we got a lot of extra sleep.  It was low key, but it was nice.  Getting up Monday morning was no joke.  I posted my feelings about it on Facebook:

Truth.  I'm so ready for summer...and I'm definitely not the only one!

4.  The wardrobe switch-a-roo.  I did the kids' closets a couple of weeks ago, only leaving a handful of long sleeves and pants.  I've been swapping out my stuff bit by bit and have made a decent dent in it this week.  Though I'm not quite physically ready for shorts and sleeveless tops, I am ready for a change and some brighter prints.  

5.  Tomorrow night's date with my husband.  It hasn't happened yet and it's not going to be anything big, but I am so looking forward to spending a little quality time with David just the two of us.  He's been killing himself at work lately, even going in last Saturday afternoon and most of the day Sunday, and we just need a breather for a minute even if it's a short one.  I don't know where we're going or what we're doing, but I do know it'll a) be relaxing and b) involve gluten.  

Hope y'all have a great Friday and a restful, fun weekend!

Happy 6th Birthday, Blog!

Today is this blog's 6th birthday.  SIXTH. 

I wish I had something profound or special to share on such a momentous occasion, but alas, I do not.  It is the Monday after Spring Break and therefore it is quite profound enough that everyone got fed and dressed on time this morning.  

All I really want to say is that I am super proud that this little corner of the web has been around for six years and has offered 375 posts for your reading pleasure.  (Okay, probably only about 100 of them were really pleasant, but you know what I mean...)

There have been a lot of gaps and breaks and streams of consciousness and rants and I appreciate you sticking it out with me.  If I never publish another post, I am so happy to have the documentation of our lives that I do.  

To say "here's to another six years" seems a little far-fetched, so we'll just go with "here's to another six posts."  (I'm nothing if not a realist.)

Thanks for reading, y'all.  Truly.

March 2015 Recap

Well, this month started with an endoscopy and ended with a kindergarten spring musical.  If that doesn't just sum up the emotion of the whole month, I don't know what does. 

Of course, if I was content with leaving it at that, I wouldn't have a blog.  Here's the scoop in more detail:

Celiac Update:  Audrey is doing amazingly well with all of the diet changes.  She even handled her first birthday party experiences with her own cupcake in tow and did fine.  I am doing pretty good with the shift in shopping/cooking.  The first few weeks I just attempted to adjust our usual recipes and now I'm branching out and trying new things.  

Using Pinterest and Whole Foods as resources overwhelmed me and I steered clear for awhile, but I've tackled both now.  (And, may I just say, I felt like a complete foreigner walking into Whole Foods.  A lot of my judgmental stereotypes held strong as I walked around feeling completely out of place without my yoga pants on or my face makeup-free or my hair in a messy bun.  And is it necessary to have that weird-smelling essential oil diffuser pumping throughout the store?  It may help improve my brain function, but it stinks!  To my credit, I've come a long way with this health-shift, but, alas, I have a ways to go...)  

Anyway, some recipes are hits, some are not, but as I told David, she didn't love everything we ate for dinner pre-Celiac diagnosis, so it's not a requirement that she do so now.  We've found great cereals, pastas, crackers, and sandwich bread, but tasty bagels, hamburger/hotdog buns, and waffles still allude us.  There are more brands out there to try, though, so we haven't given up the quest yet.    

I met with a nutritionist and got another level of education.  Like anything else, when I think too far out, I get overwhelmed.  The "she'll have to do this f-o-r-e-v-e-r" thought makes me tear up every time.  I just try to handle one week of meal planning at a time and, eventually, those will add up to months of this way of life and it will be her/our new normal.  I keep reminding myself that it really is a healthier diet.  It's going to prevent her from going to college because of the cost, but it's healthier.  

Potty Training Update:  Luke has been clearing his own hurdles like a champ.  In addition to tackling the food changes with the rest of us, he's been conquering the potty.  In a completely unexpected turn of events, he took about four days to become officially potty trained.  On the second Saturday of the month, we began the "bootcamp" method, put him in underwear, and stayed home for about 5-6 days in a row to hit it hard.  He had approximately five or six accidents the first two days, but by the end of day three, the worst was over.  We have to take it to another level and make him go completely on his own on a big potty (we help him with his pants and he uses a small kid one right now), but we have until September to get there, so I'm hopeful.  He's done such an amazing job and I'm so grateful it wasn't a battle this go-round.  Let that be a lesson to you first-time mamas:  When the timing is right, it's right.  DO NOT FORCE IT.  They'll be ready when they're ready and not a second before.  David said he was talking to a friend at work who has one 18 month old and raised his eyebrows in surprise when David said we were just now potty training Luke.  Yeah, I knew a lot about parenting when I had one 18 month old, too.  

Other News (because, amazingly, life still goes on in the midst of bowel changes):

• David and I had our health screenings for insurance and, though my weight is still higher than I'd like, the rest of my numbers looked really good.  And not that I would ever turn it into a competition, but I creamed D on, well, everything.  Which would be more satisfying if the stakes weren't so high.  I mean, what's the "prize" here?  I outlast him?  NOT an option.  So instead, I just signed us both up for a 10K and use it as an excuse to nag him about running.  

• We had Teacher Appreciation Week, which I wrote about here.  

• We had my niece's birthday party at a pottery painting place in Cobb.  It was so nice to get to celebrate with her since they live in Savannah and usually do a party down there.  

• Audrey rode her first horse while at a friend's birthday party.  I was so proud of her for being brave and giving it a try.  She was super nervous, but she went for it anyway - twice, actually!  It was also great when Luke decided to throw a stick at the ground because he was made at Audrey and it narrowly missed one of the mom's feet.  Yes son, make sure a bunch of parents I barely know are gathered around when you decide to act like a three year old boy, please.

• Audrey had a spring musical at her school and it was darling.  The kindergarten classes stood on risers in the school cafeteria and sang about 7 or 8 songs.  As usual, she was very nervous about it, but got up there and sang every word.  (She didn't, however, do most of the motions.  When I asked her about it she said, "I was doing well with the words and just really didn't want to add anything else."  I hear ya, sister.  Know your limits.)  When we finally made our way to her in the crowded hall afterward, she jumped up into my arms and squeezed my neck as hard as she could.  Oh, that level of being loved...and that lack of embarrassment about needing your mama.  Precious.  We celebrated her spring debut with dinner and dessert at Chick-fil-A.  

We had a couple of other play dates and such, but nothing too exciting.  This month was mostly about adjusting to change - new diets, new skills, and new weather - and I'm really proud of my people and how they're doing!  

Maybe one day I'll get caught up on the Picasa albums, but until then, you can view the March photos here, even if you don't have a FB account.  

Hope your April is off to a good start!  

The Idiot/Maniac Mentality

"Have you ever noticed that everyone driving slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin

You've no doubt heard that quote, especially if you live in Atlanta.  Lately it seems that measure-up mentality has started to creep into other areas of our lives, specifically in the parenting realm.  It's a new spin on the old comparison game.  There has been such an outcry against the over-the-top Pinterest pressure that now the tables have turned.  Not only are we judging those parents that do things we see as "less than", but now we're also quick to call out parents on being excessive when they do more than we deem they should.  In an effort to relieve the guilt we felt from being judged - whether internal, external, real, or perceived - we've turned the judgment on others. 

So as long as I'm hitting somewhere in the middle, I'm winning?  Who is this judge that decides what this perfect balance is? 

See if you can relate to any of these inner dialogues:

• A mom whose house is cleaner than ours must not spend enough quality time with her kids and a mom whose house is messier must be lazy.

• Families that eat all-organic, unprocessed foods are obsessive health nuts and families that eat out five days a week are unhealthy bums.

• The mom that breastfeeds/co-sleeps/baby wears for less time than us gave up too soon, but the mom who does it for longer is creating long term dependency issues.   

• A parent that does more for their kid's birthday party than we would is spoiling them, but a parent that does less than we would is not giving the celebration its due.

• Kids that are involved in more extra curricular activities than our kids are over-scheduled and pushed too hard and those not involved in as many are destined to be anti-social klutzes.  

• The parent that works more hours than we do is too committed to the job and the one that works less is not committed enough. 

Jen Hatmaker, whom I adore, recently posted this article about how "precious" parenting has become in our generation.  There are a lot of points in it that I agree with, such as "...making [children] the center of the universe is actually terribly detrimental.  A good parent prepares the child for the path, but not the path for the child.  We can still demonstrate a gentle and attached parenting without raising children who melt on a warm day." 

But here is my rub with her post:  in the opening paragraph, Jen writes about a mom who made an antique trunk time capsule each year for her son's birthday with the plan to present them all to him when he turned eighteen.  Her response on the subject:  "Holy. Crap.  CANNOT. DEAL."  I admit, that does seem over the top.  But WHO CARES?  We don't know why this mom did it.  Maybe she lost her own mother when she was young and lives in fear of dying an early death so she wants her son to have these mementos just in case.  Maybe she's a college history professor who enjoys collecting and documenting things.  Maybe she owns a museum or an antique trunk business.  I don't know, and frankly, it doesn't matter a lick to me. 

I get the overall point that my dear friend Jen (who has no idea I exist, by the way) is making and I do appreciate it.  But my point is this:  Can we just start figuring out what works for us as individual parents without doing so out of guilt from being torn down OR out of pride from tearing others down?  

A friend and I were texting back and forth about this and she suggested that maybe the judgment comes from a place of defensiveness or even passion about a particular stance.  I totally agree, but that doesn't make it right or healthy.  I am slowly getting over the need to justify my actions to others.  It takes work, but I've been trying to give my answers without following up with detailed reasoning.  "No, we don't watch that show."  "Yes, the kids do have a strict schedule."  "No, we don't do extra curricular stuff right now."  "Yes, we are gluten-free."  See those periods?  They can be really hard for me, but I'm learning that not everyone needs to know why.  It doesn't mean I'm not open to answering questions or having a dialogue, but it does mean I need to quit wasting my breath and energy when it's unnecessary.  

I do believe there are some absolute Truths in this world and I try to live my life in a way that honors them and the God I love.  However, the longer I live, the more I realize there is a whole lot of grey area.  A WHOLE lot.  And also, that there is always more to a person's story than meets the eye.  

So the mom you see in her pajamas in carpool every day cut you off?  Maybe her husband is out of town, she has been up with a sick baby all night, and she's rushing to make it to the first available pediatrician's appointment.  

That daddy hovering over his daughter at the playground?  Perhaps she just got the cast off yesterday.  

That one mom in your kid's class who is hogging all the volunteer opportunities?  Maybe her child struggles terribly with anxiety and separation and it helps for her to be there when she can.  

Your "helicopter parent" neighbor won't allow her kids to do sleepovers?  Maybe she was teased merciless (or worse, abused by a trusted adult) at one as a child.

We are rarely given the whole picture.  This article puts it beautifully and offers more great real-life examples of learning the back story.  She wisely writes: "I truly believe that if anyone should have compassion for parents, it's other parents.  What we really need is support, not judgment." 

Instead of focusing inward and deciding how another parent's actions and decisions may intentionally or unintentionally make us feel about ourselves, may I suggest we instead spend our energy on these steps: 

1) Get to know them a little more in hopes of making an ally instead of an enemy (and maybe even find someone to swap strengths with!) 

2) Flip our mindset to one of encouragement and compassion, not comparison and judgment.  It's healthier for us and them.  

3) Find the thing that works for us and our family in our current season and just GO WITH IT.  No comparing, no justifying, no excusing.  

In other words, and as a perfectly-timed devotional I read recently put it:  You be you.  We are not perfect, but we have so much to offer...sometimes it will be more than what others do, sometimes it will be less, but we don't need to look at a single other soul to determine that.  It is between us and the Lord.  He made us who we are - strengths, weaknesses, and everything in between - and gave us the people in our lives He did for a reason.  Make YOUR contribution to YOUR family and rest in knowing that IT IS JUST RIGHT.