Okay, faithful readers, here are the details you've been waiting for about the big day:
We woke Audrey up from her morning nap and got her dressed in her pretty party dress (black with white polka dots and pink butterflies at the bottom). Everyone began arriving, and we kicked off with a laid-back lunch buffet. BBQ from Jim N' Nicks (with sweet sauce from Sonny's), Grandma's Famous Cole Slaw, Grandmother's Famous Potato Salad, Pam's Famous Baked Beans, fruit, and chips. We tried to mingle with everyone as we scarfed down the delicious food. After lunch, we gathered in the backyard to do some group pictures. My photographer friend, Camille, was there to capture everything that day so I didn't have to worry about it. It was so hot and humid, but people indulged me and smiled through their heat strokes. They probably only complied because I withheld cake until after pictures so they had to stick around. We went back inside, got Audrey set up in her booster chair, and took several dozen pictures while she wondered what on earth was going on. She didn't know quite what to think when we set the little cake in front of her. She kind of dragged her fingers through the icing and gummed it a little. I put some on my finger and then tried to give her a bite, but she just wasn't sure about the whole thing - not to mention all the people staring at her! Thankfully, the party guests enjoyed their own slices of delicious cake (that was shaped like a giant #1 with butterflies and a caterpillar on it to match the theme) without hesitation. We cleaned her up, changed her outfit (a light plaid swing top and white capris with butterflies on them), and began a marathon of gift opening. She got a ton of wonderful new toys, some cute outfits, and a few gift cards and moolah. We are so thankful to everyone for their generosity. Once we cleaned up the aftermath, we took more pictures and passed her around. She played with her cousins, practiced walking in between her aunts and I, and showed off her new toys. I finally stole her away for a nap and she recouped while we packed everything up.
I couldn't have asked for a better day. At every personal event that I do, I always try to take a minute and soak it in. It's so easy for me to get wrapped up in playing hostess or looking after Audrey or taking pictures (though thankfully I didn't have to worry about that this time). But I've learned, after many events/parties that I felt like I "missed", that it's important to stop and reflect on what the event means...what all the hard work was for...what and who we're celebrating. That moment came for me as I was holding Audrey's smash cake and everyone began to sing to her. Behind me I heard the voices of so many friends and family that love her and I was overjoyed. There were people in that room that stood by our side the day her Daddy and I were married, long before she was even a dream. There were people there that paced the waiting room as she was born and held her minutes later, amazed at how gorgeous our little alien was. So many of them worried when we worried, cheered her on as she reached each little milestone, and have lifted her and us up in prayer over and over again. In that moment, time graciously slowed down and I was overcome with gratitude. I joined them in singing for my precious baby girl and wished her all of God's best as I blew out her candle.
The day was perfect and went by way too fast, just as her first year did. I can't wait to see what this next year holds. Pictures will take longer than usual since Camille has to edit them. They'll be worth the wait, though, so be patient!
My Sweet Audrey (a.k.a. Sugar, Baby, Pumpkin, Baby Girl, Love, Honey, Sweet Girl),
I am overwhelmed with emotions on this, the eve of your first birthday. I have thought about writing this letter many times over the past year, knowing that it was something that I wanted to do for you. Of course, now that I’m doing it, I'm not sure what I want to say. (One day, you’ll probably laugh at how unusual that is for me.)
Everyone keeps asking whether I can believe it’s been a year already. For the most part, I can…though certainly not in a dreadful way. Yes, we’ve had our long days (and nights), especially when your Daddy was away on one of his international business trips. But really, it’s just felt like time has marched on at the same pace it always has. I’m sure I’ll blink and you’ll be 5…then driving…then graduating…then getting married. But for right now, you’re still my baby girl. Even if you don’t fit in my arms like you used to. Even if you are eating finger foods and drinking from a sippy cup. Even if you can say “Mama” and “Da-da” and “Baby”. Even if you know where your eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and toes are. Even if you are just weeks away from walking on your own. On second thought, maybe it has gone by far too quickly.
When we brought you home from the hospital, I think we were in a bit of shock. We’d done all that we knew to do to prepare for you: read books, taken classes, bought everything we could think of that you’d need and then organized it. But we walked out the door on the afternoon of the 20th as a family of two and walked back in on the afternoon of the 22nd as a family of three. We were exhausted and overwhelmed, but mostly we were head over heels in love. We made you. God gave you to us. And you were finally home.
One thing that stands out in my mind about those first few weeks was how much your Daddy and I laughed. (I did a good bit of crying too, but I'll explain hormones to you later.) Even during one of your many middle of the night feedings, we’d be cracking jokes and giggling in the dark. Before you ever smiled your first smile or laughed your precious laugh, you brought us happiness like we’d never known.
In the weeks and months that followed, we had our ups and downs. I worried a lot about whether you were eating enough, sleeping enough, and, yes, even pooping enough. Then, slowly, things started to shift. You became a little less fragile, and I became a little less OCD. I remember thinking on the 20th of each month how much more confident I was becoming. By your fifth and sixth months, you really started showing personality, eating solids, and sleeping through the night (again). We’d settled into a groove and were having fun. I did, and still do, run a tight ship with regard to your schedule, but I also decided to live life a little more. There is hardly a corner of our county you haven’t seen or a parking lot you haven’t been nursed in.
Even though I’m sad your Daddy had to travel so much this year, I think it bonded you and I in a way that wouldn’t have otherwise happened. You knew you were stuck with me, and I knew I had to step up. During those times, we proved to be the strong women we are.
I tried to make every holiday and major “first” this year a special one. As your Daddy says, I love having you because it gives me something else to decorate. The truth is, though, you were the one that made those times special for us. The traditions we started – opening your own ornament and pajamas on Christmas Eve, eating green food on a green plate for St. Patrick’s Day, getting a Berenstain Bear book for almost every occasion – will only become more special in the coming years. (Tomorrow we'll start a new tradition of singing to you at 7:29pm on your birthday.) Even our nightly routine of bath time, playtime in the tub, pajamas, brushing your teeth, reading a story, doing a devotion, saying prayers, and nursing you to sleep has become a comforting ritual that I’ll remember long after it turns into me waiting up for you to make curfew.
In addition to wanting to create new traditions and happy memories, I have so many hopes and dreams and prayers for you. Above them all, I want you to know Jesus. You see, Audrey, knowing Him is the only way you can ever have true joy and peace in your life. He already knows you and loves you more than you can imagine. He loves you even more than your Daddy and I do, which seems impossible.
As much as I hope the absolute best for you, there will be times in your life that people will let you down (even your Daddy and I), but Jesus will always, always be there. You are going to experience tough times and failure in your life. You will be sick, lonely, hurt, angry, and sad. Your heart will break, and mine will break right along with it. You will make mistakes, and your response to them will determine who you become. Occasionally, there will be times in your life that you don’t feel Jesus’ presence. Times when you feel deserted and may even question whether He exists. But He does. And He loves you.
I want you to learn the lessons you are meant to learn. I hope you become strong in mind, body, and spirit, and that you gain and utilize the tools you need to make it through both the rough patches and the good times. And, Audrey, I pray there are many, many good times.
The second prayer I have for you is that you meet a man who loves Jesus too. Someone who loves Him, then you, like no one else and can lead you and your family down the path that God has in mind for you. I can’t tell you how much it means to be married to your Daddy, who is my best friend in the world and reflects Jesus' love to me like no one else. That foundation of friendship and faith has brought us through more than one storm. I want you to find someone you can talk to, laugh with, cry on, and be a true partner with.
Beyond those prayers, I hope so many other things for you. Here are just a few of those wishes and pieces of advice: That you grow up to be considerate, kind, and gracious. That you listen more than you speak, but when you do speak, that you speak with confidence, wisdom, and intelligence. I want you to treat others the way you want to be treated, but when they don’t treat you with the same consideration, forgive them the way you’d want to be forgiven. Don’t give your heart or your body away to every boy who flatters you. Wait for the one God intends for you to spend your whole life with. And even then, wait until you’re 30. Maybe 40. Be nice. Remember the manners I will teach you. Believe people when they tell you not to be in a hurry to grow up. Respect your elders. Be good to your body - not because you need to worry about how you look, but because it is the Holy Temple of God and it’s the only one you’ve got. Manage your finances well and be smart about your spending. When it’s appropriate, be satisfied with where you are…when it’s not, strive for more. Set goals, reach them, and set more. Laugh. Don’t let fear, worry, or selfishness dictate your actions. Instead, trust your instincts and let the Holy Spirit guide you. Buy a good mattress...you'll spend 1/3 to 1/4 of your life on it. From ages 13-25, you’ll probably need to apply less make-up and put on more clothing than you think you need. (I’m sure your Daddy and I will help you with this.) Always wash your face before you go to bed. Think about the worst case scenario only long enough to have a back-up plan for it, then pray for the best possible outcome. Choose optimism. Don’t smoke or do drugs. Invest in a good camera. Work hard and be professional, no matter how menial the job may seem. Spend lots of time with family and take care of them…they’ll be there for you when you need a kidney or bail money and you can’t say that about just anybody. Travel and document your journeys. Learn how to shoot a gun and protect yourself. Work hard, play hard. Get a good education, because no one can ever take that away from you. Have a servant spirit and exercise it often. Drive defensively and focused. Don’t expect people to read your mind – tell them what you need. Show up early…and remember that if you’re not ten minutes early, you’re late. Don’t wait for a special occasion to use “the good stuff.” Be a loyal friend to those that you can trust and let the others go. Wear comfortable shoes, unless the uncomfortable ones are really amazing, then be sure to have a back-up close by. Celebrate the milestones and victories in your life, both the big ones and the small ones. Find something you love to do and then figure out a way to get paid for it. That way, you'll never have to "work". Remember that honesty is always the best policy, except when it’s not…I’ll teach you the difference. Never underestimate the power of prayer, hugs, and good music. Smile a lot. Cry when you need to. But mostly smile. You’ve got an amazing smile.
I have so much else to write, but it’s late and my typing is probably disturbing your sleeping Daddy. There are countless other lessons I have to teach you…so much I want to share with you. You have a lot to teach me, too, no doubt. I hope we’ll both be open to learning from each other in the precious years to come.
Both then and now, come what may, know that you are the love of my life. Happy Birthday, Audrey.
Your Mommy
xoxoxo
xoxoxo
Beautiful post, Heather! Audrey is going to grow up into such a wonderful person (with such a clean face) with you as her mom. :)
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