An Update on AJ

I wanted to take a moment outside of a monthly recap post and fill you in on how Audrey has been doing.  She's had a lot going on lately beyond just starting kindergarten, as if that wasn't a big enough adjustment by itself.  I honestly can't remember what I've already written about, so I'll cover everything here but please excuse any repetitiveness. 

As you may recall, she got glasses back in May.  I had a lot to say about the subject (imagine) and wrote about it at length here.  The doctor wanted to see her six weeks later, so we went back in July for a check-up.  At that point, the doctor was pleased, but wanted to see us again in six more weeks.  She wanted to make sure there was at least as much improvement in that time span or we would have to start patching her strong eye to force the brain to use the weak one.  I was optimistic that we'd make great strides and didn't really think much else about it.  When we returned in August, the level of improvement was not up to where the doctor wanted it to be, so she instructed us to begin patching her strong eye two hours a day.  Audrey broke my heart when she turned to me and whispered, "Mommy?  I'm not too sure about this."  Feeling guilty that I hadn't better prepared her for the possibility, I reassured her it would be just fine.  I listened to the doctor give examples of hand-eye coordination activities that would be good to do while she was "patching" and then we picked out the cutest possible patch (no small feat) and went home feeling a little bummed.  

That night, we tried it out for about half an hour and she was a trooper.  She has said to me several times that she really doesn't want to do this at school.  I don't have an honest answer that she'll never have to, so I just say that's not what we're doing right now and bring her back to the task at hand.  Since that first week, we've worked our way up to the prescribed two consecutive hours per day, sometimes aiming a bit higher on weekends.  

Two days after that appointment, we had an appointment with a pediatric orthopedist about her toe-walking.  It's something that she's done since she started walking and her pediatrician has always dismissed it, saying she would grow out of it.  After an intense conversation with a well-meaning loved one, I couldn't get it out of my head and started researching online (which is the best possible thing to do when you're worried about a medical condition, by the way.)  

After reading that most kids do indeed grow out of it by the age of five or six, I decided I didn't want to wait any longer and made a call to her pediatrician for a referral.  We went in and the orthopedist had her do some stretching as he pushed and pulled on her legs.  He watched her walk and asked me questions.  He concluded that we've gotten ourselves into a tough cycle:  She has walked on her tiptoes so much for so long that her calf muscle is shortening and her tendons are tightening so now it's more comfortable for her to walk on her tiptoes.  He listed out the less-than-ideal options in progressive order: stretching at home, physical therapy, serial casting, and, finally, surgery, which they wouldn't even consider before she's ten because they'd have to redo it after she grew.  We left the office with instructions to stretch for 15 minutes a night every night and come back in six months.  We promptly walked over (on "flat feet", of course) to Stride Rite and spent $50 on a pair of high-back, thicker soled tennis shoes to aid in keeping her heels on the ground.  The doctor didn't seem to think they'd help, but I figure they can't hurt.  I just can't bring myself to put my five year old in heels yet, so we're going to start with boots and shoes that come up high and are difficult to bend.  

Since that appointment, I've spoken with a friend who is a physician's assistant and whose daughter has gone through all of the treatment options for toe-walking short of surgery, which she'll be getting at the end of the month.  She gave me a lot of hope and encouragement.  I've also talked with another children's orthopedist who lives in our neighborhood.  Without having actually seen her and just going by what I said, he's not concerned and said, "There is NO way I'd even consider serial casting as long as she has the ability to walk heel-to-toe."  He went on to say physical therapy sounded like an option for us if we wanted it, but doubted we'd need to go more than once a week.  He calmly reiterated what I've heard for years ("she'll likely grow out of it") and followed up by saying that even if she doesn't, it's not that big of deal.  If she wants to participate in sports, she'll just need to stretch really well before playing.  

I hate to be so pessimistic when it's only been two weeks, but I'm doubtful anything but a physical reminder in some orthotic form is going to help.  We can do all the stretching in the world but the mental habit is ingrained.  I've read about something called "AFOs" (ankle foot orthosis...basically a splint) and am wondering if the physical therapist would offer that down the road.  Our plan right now is to keep stretching for another couple of weeks and then maybe make an appointment with a physical therapist just to get evaluated.  After being told by Thomas Eye Group that things were inconclusive and to wait six months only to find out that was far from the truth, you'll certainly understand my restlessness not to wait around.  If it needs to be fixed, let's do all we can to fix it now.  If she really is okay according to three different experts (2 children's orthos and a PT), then we'll chill.  

Lastly, a quick update on school:  We had her parent-teacher conference on Tuesday.  It was a huge relief to me because her teacher understands a) how bright she is and b) how sweet she is, but c) has already identified how to challenge her, namely by drawing her out of herself and into more of a leadership role.  Those that know AJ on a personal level probably find this hilarious, because she is NOT shy at home or in small, comfortable groups.  At school, however, she's timid and blends into the background.  The teacher gushed about how she has so much to offer and outlined ways that she's slowly pulling her more into the forefront.  As I listened to her heart and passion for these kids, I wanted to cry.  This teacher may not be the best at communicating, but she knows what she's doing.  And she's good at it.  Everything else is secondary because she SEES my daughter.  What an answered prayer.  

So that's where we are.  I know that I know that I know that it could be SO much more and that we are so, so blessed to have to mostly-healthy kids.  But, if I'm honest and transparent (which I try to be since it's my blog and all), it's still kind of a lot.  It's a lot on AJ and, selfishly, it's a lot on me.  Or, more accurately, it's not how I want to fill my limited time with her these days:  nagging and stretching and patching and nagging and WORRYING...and then nagging some more.  

Will you please pray for us?  Will you pray that all of this makes Audrey stronger?  Not just her eye and her legs, but her will and her determination to do the hard things.  Pray that it strengthens our family's relationships as she sees us as all being on the same team helping her.  She feels alone and a little like an outsider right now because "none of you know how this stuff feels", as she puts it.  I hate she has to deal with this, but I also...maybe more so...hate that at five years old, she's so concerned with being made fun of and being different.  I want this challenge to build her up and, in turn, help her build up others.  I want her to know how beautiful she is, inside and out, and how loved she is by God and her family no matter what.  Please join me in praying that she feels that to the depth of her soul.  

I don't care if she's a ballet-dancing pirate (and no, I've never called her that!) She is my ballet-dancing pirate and I love her so much it hurts...especially when I have to watch her struggle.  

I'll update you more later, but in the meantime, thanks for "listening" and praying!