Even When It's Easy, It's Hard

That title can pertain to a lot of things. This post is going to focus on it’s applicability to parenting and breastfeeding, so be forewarned about the latter.

Audrey has, overall, been a relatively easy baby. At least compared to some of the horror stories I’ve heard from family and friends about what they went through with their little ones. Her arrival, though incredibly painful and not at all according to the plan for me, was safe and healthy. And except for having her nights and days switched that first week, she has been a decent sleeper. In fact, she is already down to one feeding per night, with several nights lately of none at all! She has her fussy time in the evenings like most babies do, but we’ve just about mastered a technique that soothes her. She has not been sick yet, thank God, and she seems to be right on track developmentally.

All that being said, I’m going to admit something that most everybody in the world already knows: parenting is hard. And the bigger secret that everyone seems SO eager to tell me: it doesn’t get any easier. You just trade the types of problems.

One such example of people’s over eagerness to tell me about what lies ahead: I was at the mall with Audrey a while back when a stranger that had his 4ish year old with him told me that he and his wife were expecting another one soon. “Really? That’s great! Congrats!” I said, while continuing to push the stroller. He started walking beside me and began to tell me how easy I had it. He proceeded to explain that the real difficulty starts when they can walk and talk. I just smiled politely and started walking faster. With everything in me, I swallowed the urge to shout: “Oh! Well thank you for that lovely bit of encouragement! If I may ask, how much sleep did YOU get last night, how sore are YOUR boobs and nether regions at the moment, and when was the last time YOU had five minutes to yourself to shower or eat in peace?” ….. But I decided that wouldn’t be very Christlike.

ANYWAY, back to the “parenting being hard” thing. It is. And here is another dirty secret: you get very little positive feedback. Your sweet baby can’t say “Thanks Mom! You’re doing a great job!” She can’t yet exhibit any signs that your hard work is paying off, other than physical growth. (And when that goes haywire, it really throws you for a loop, as I mentioned in an earlier post.) Audrey can’t reach up and give me a hug after we finish reviewing the ABC cards or reading a story. She mainly just looks at me with this perplexed expression that seems to say “Who are you again?” I will tell you, though, it’s made a huge difference since she has started to smile. Something about that adorable grin makes a 3 am diaper change much easier to deal with.

If you are pregnant with your first, I don’t mean to scare you. I don’t want to become one of “those people” like the guy in the mall was to me. I hated, and still hate, when people would say “If you think it’s hard now, just wait!” or “Life as you knew it is over!”

95% of the time, I enjoy what I’m doing. That's way better job satisfaction than I've had working anywhere else. But it’s also the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. And I’ve handled some pretty hard things in my life. 2005, for example. But that’s another story.

Breastfeeding is another area that is ridiculously hard even when it’s going well. No one really explained that to me. I was so worried about getting the hang of it and my body cooperating that I didn’t think past that to the level of commitment it requires when it does work. You have someone attached to your body approximately eight times per day for an average of thirty minutes each time. That’s four hours!

For me, it’s actually longer. Except for that short period when I lost my mind and allowed the lactation specialist to talk me into cutting AJ off, our nursing sessions are usually about 45 minutes long. (I have no idea where she gets this, because David and I are crazy fast eaters.) Supposedly the sessions should eventually get shorter – and some are already closer to 25 or 30 minutes – but she doesn’t see a need to consistently speed things up yet.

Regardless, I’ve learned that it’s better not to rush her and more important that she gets a full meal. So, since we’re down to one feeding per night (and, as I said, have had a few nights lately with none at all!), that means we’ve cut back from eight feedings a day to seven. Seven feedings at 45 minutes each means that 5 hours 15 minutes of my day is spent providing nourishment to this baby. Throw in one twenty minute pumping session since I’m trying to build up a little bit of back-up supply for the freezer and you’re over 5 ½ hours. That’s dang close to full-time employment!

And I have a confession. I thought this commitment was “only” for six months. Now I’ve discovered that “THEY” recommend breastfeeding up to your child’s first birthday. I tell you, when I found that out I had to choke back the tears. No lie. That was way longer than I thought. Twice as long, to be exact. Of course, the number of feedings supposedly drops off a little as babies age, but I’m pretty sure the minimum is still 4-5 times in a 24 hour period until they are weaned.

Other than the time commitment, though, and my short-term freak-out about supply, we haven’t had any problems in this area. I know mothers who have gone to amazing lengths to continue breastfeeding – pumping at work, completely changing their diet due to food allergies, exclusively pumping and measuring to ensure adequate supply, even going through excruciating pain and producing bottles of blood before their bodies began making milk correctly. These women are my heroes. I wish I could say I would do the same thing if I was in their shoes, but I’m not totally sure I would. It takes patience, commitment, and endurance even when it’s smooth sailing. When it’s not…well, that just takes sheer determination and an amazingly strong will.

(Side note: None of this is meant to offend mothers who formula-feed. Whether you made the choice willingly or not, I don’t think it says anything about you as a mom. I may even choose to make the switch before it’s all said and done. My only request is that you do us nursing mothers a favor and enjoy the longer leash. Enjoy waking up dry and pain-free. Get crazy and leave the baby with the grandparents for five or six hours one Saturday. I know I could do this too, but it requires a heck of a lot more work and planning on my part!)

So this post probably hasn’t told you anything you don’t already know. As usual, it's just been therapeutic for me to express my struggles to a faceless audience. Please know that we love parenting AJ and I love being able to breastfeed her. Nursing allows us some really sweet bonding moments together. And I must admit that I am so proud to see her little rolls getting bigger and know that it’s because of my hard work.

Audrey is an amazing, beautiful, precious gift from God that we are eternally grateful for and wouldn’t trade for the world. It’s totally worth every bit of sacrifice we’ve had to make. And it may or may not get more difficult as time goes by. I’m sure it’ll have moments of both. So far, it’s definitely gotten easier for us, but then again, we’re only two and a half months into this crazy adventure. We’ve got an awful lot left to experience. But we’ll try to share only the best moments with strangers in the mall.

I close with a voicemail my dear friend Lara Lynn left me a few days ago:

“Hey! It’s me. I don’t know what kind of day you’re having but I just wanted to let you know that motherhood keeps getting sweeter. We were driving home and Emma said ‘Mommy? Know what? I love you!’ That’s the first time she’s ever said that! It just gets better and better…”

Thanks, Lex. I needed to hear that.