She Works Hard for No Money

A friend of ours contacted me on Monday with a potential job offer. He is a co-owner in a small company that does marketing strategies and website design and was looking for someone to handle a little part-time project management from home. My initial reaction was something like, "OH, pick me! Pick me!"

 Lately I've been feeling...restless...for lack of a better word. After over four years of staying at home, I'm hitting that "mundane lane" stage. I am desperate to stretch myself, be professional for two seconds, and contribute financially. David has never, ever made me feel even for a second that what I do here doesn't have extreme value or that I need to work outside the home. I know you can't put a price tag on all I do as a stay-at-home wife and Momma (and if you could, it would be in the neighborhood of, say, a million gabillion dollars.) However, wrong or right, I feel there is just something about a paycheck. It proves you are capable of doing a job and getting compensated for it. There's something about having a task, completing it, and then getting immediate feedback instead of waiting 18 years to see if your "work" winds up in juve.

 So, I spoke with my friend for awhile about it. It would be about 10 hours a week for a good hourly rate and most of it could be handled before the kids woke up, during naps, or after they were in bed. I asked a few more questions and then we agreed we'd talk again later in the week. I got off the phone and went about my day, feeling excited about the prospect. I talked to David about it that night and, as usual, he was supportive. He voiced a little concern about where the time was going to come from, but said it was up to me and he'd be on board either way.

I breathed a sigh of thankfulness for my sweet husband. Then I looked around my house and saw hampers overflowing with dirty clothes, a pile of half-paid bills on the desk, and a bathroom shower with mold in the corners. I thought of the million projects I still wanted to get done in our new place. I calculated that most of my days already start at 6am with running and don't end until 10 or 10:30pm. And come September, I'll be leading a small group and beginning a very involved year in AJ's pre-K class.

I realized that yes, it was only 10 hours a week. But that was 10 hours I didn't have without killing myself and putting my family through unnecessary stress and struggle. I might could come up with it if I stopped running, working out, blogging, or doing trivial things like taking showers. But those few things are the only outlets I have at the moment and other things already take a backseat so I can do them.

I wrestled with it through most of my night's sleep and when I woke up, I knew the decision had been made. Being so early, I sent him an email thanking him profusely for the compliment of asking me but explaining I just couldn't move forward. I asked him to promise to take my calls in a few years when Luke is in school and his company is on the Fortune 500 list. He wrote back saying he understood. Having four kids of his own, I know he does. He said we'd try to work something out in a few years.

My heart was both heavy and relieved. The offer was perfect, the timing was just wrong. I'll reconsider when Luke isn't just 18 months old. Or maybe I won't. I don't know whether or when I'll reenter the work force. But boy, was it nice for someone to remember that I'm capable of it.  However, my ego and attempt to prove that I can manage it all are poor reasons to make such a big decision.  So, for now, I'll focus on my main job and recommit to doing it as if I'm getting paid the big bucks.  My "clients" are certainly worth it. 

(P.S. Please, please don't contact me in an attempt to try to get me to sell Thirty-One, Premier, Mary Kay, Thrive, or sign on to any other MLM company.  I'm sure these companies have their perks and I wish you the best of luck with them, but I am not interested right now!)