Marriage is Hard Work...and other marital cliches I can now vouch for

"Marriage is hard work."

I remember the thoughts that would run through my mind when people would say that.  There they would be, humbly admitting a struggle in an attempt to find common ground and I just didn't get it.  I'd nod politely and agree, but would think, admittedly a little too smugly, "No.  It's really not.  Ours isn't, at least."

And then something happened.  Or rather, a lot of somethings.  

We dealt with pain and loss. We dealt with happiness and gain.  We traveled.  We served alongside each other.  We had a child.  Jobs changed.  We made major financial decision and big purchases. Churches changed.  Business trips seemed to last forever.  We had another child.  We tried to sell our house four times and finally moved.  Friendships ended.  Friendships started.  We faced joy and sorrow, ups and downs, ebbs and flows. 

In other words, time passed and LIFE happened.  And as it did, marriage became...well, hard work.  

I remember the day I had the epiphany.  We had just come back from our trip to Seattle and Vancouver.  We had spent five days together and it had been great!  We hadn't fought or argued over anything.  Even still, there was this sinking feeling inside of me that I couldn't push away.  It was the feeling that for two people who had just come back from five days away together without kids, we sure didn't seem to be very connected.  I was starting to understand another cliche I'd heard all my life:

"People change.  He/She is not the person I married."

I always chalked that up to a lazy bunch of bunk.  It was what people said when they wanted out and didn't want to take any of the responsibility.  

But as I thought it through, I realized something: OF COURSE PEOPLE CHANGE.  How can they not?  How can someone encounter new life-altering experiences and not be fundamentally shifted?  Yes, there are always innate traits and in general one's personality is pretty set, but there is a whole lot of wiggle room in there.  Every time a major life event occurs - a birth, a death, a move, a new job, an illness -  it effects everything from your day to day routine to your outlook to your priorities.  Change changes you.  And therefore, it alters your relationships.  It's inevitable and it's rarely avoidable.  What is up to you is whether it'll be for better or for worse.  Then it's up to your spouse to decide if he or she is going to stick out that little tidbit of your vows.

I was oblivious to this at first.  We went through some pretty major shifts in the first years, but somehow we'd bounced back and adjusted pretty well.  Then suddenly, in less than eleven months, we had a second kid, I had a new stepmom, we painstakingly sold our house and bought a new one, and my mom had a lumpectomy.  I kept thinking, "well, things will return to normal when Luke gets out of the demanding newborn and infant stage."  When they didn't, I thought, "Well, we just moved.  It's been a ton of stress and it'll get better after we settle in."  Months ticked by and it finally dawned on me:  Things had changed and we had changed.  The old normal was long gone...and we weren't exactly flourishing in the midst of the new normal.  

For the first time in my life, if I squinted hard enough, I could sort of kind of see how people say they grew apart and fell out of love.  And frankly, it scared me to death.  

So, what did we do?  Well, we started with what I like to call a "comin' to Jesus" meeting.  David and I don't fight much.  There have probably only been about a dozen big doozies in our ten years of marriage, but this was one of them.  Of course it masked itself as something totally different (doesn't it always?) but as we laid in bed in the dark we slowly started sharing truths and deep-seated feelings that hadn't been spoken aloud in far too long.  

Naturally, it smarted a little bit.  But then, slowly, we tried on another marital cliche:  "It's the little things."  

We both started - and I know this is going to sound crazy, so hold on to your seat - putting forth some effort in our marriage.  Not giving each other our end-of-the-day exhausted selves that were worn out from giving to everyone else first.  Not checking out as soon as the kids were in bed and turning to our various screens.  I mean actually starting to behave like our marriage was the crazy important priority that it is.  

It certainly did not come in the form of grand romantic gestures for us.  Instead, it was things like sending a "I'm praying for you" text or the always sexy, "Thanks for taking out the garbage" text.  It was taking two seconds to say a proper goodbye in the morning or greeting each other with a hello kiss.  It meant asking about the other's day and listening to the answer and then staying current and following up.  It meant expressing gratitude and appreciation.  It meant swallowing snarkiness and criticism.  It meant praying for the other person and with the other person.  It meant getting involved with other Christian couples who supported our marriage and leading a small group to hold ourselves accountable.  It meant cutting back on or getting rid of relationships or things that didn't edify our marriage.  

It also meant adding back a regular date night.  That was HUGE for us.  Every break we'd gotten for months had become about finishing a project on the new house.  Those are okay from time to time, but we needed a chance to dress up, go out, look each other in the eyes, and have adult conversations.  We needed to break away and be us.  Not the "us" with kids or bills or to-do lists, but the "us" who have been best friends for 14 years with all of our inside jokes and quirky idiosyncrasies that only we understand.  As one pastor put it, "I have never seen a couple in marriage counseling that was having a regular, weekly date night."  Never stop dating your spouse.  Cliche, yes, but it matters, y'all.  

As I write this I realize how fitting it is that it was a lot of little acts of kindness that brought our marriage back around, because it had been a lot of little acts of unkindness, or it's sometimes-worse cousin apathy, that had gotten us to the state of disconnect that we were in.  We didn't get to that point overnight, and we didn't recover from it overnight either.  But, anything worth having is worth working for.  We're not experts at it by any means, but we're trying.  

I know that what worked for us won't work for everyone.  I know there are people out there who have suffered wounds much deeper and whose disagreements are much more serious and complicated than ours.  I'm not naive.  In fact, having grown up around it, I'm a little more familiar with that reality than I'd like to be.  To those people I would offer this:  FIGHT FOR IT.  Run as fast as you can to a godly Christian therapist and do whatever it takes.  

I realize that some marriages fall apart very loudly and chaotically, but as for most of them?  I think most just quietly starve to death while we're busy investing in every other thing in our own little worlds.  If we put half the effort into our relationships as we do our kids, our jobs, our volunteer positions, our hobbies...heck, even our trashy TV watching and Facebook following...we would be amazed at the results.  At least I was. 

To close, I'll leave you with a quote I heard from a friend:  "When you ask a newlywed couple how things are going in their relationship, they may respond with 'Well, there are good days and bad days.'  When you ask people who have been married a long time, they'll say, 'Well, there are good years and bad years.'"  

Ain't that the truth?  We've had some really awesome years, but we've had a few tough ones as well.  I haven't loved every minute but I've never regretted saying "I Do" to my best friend.  And I also know this:  Marriage is hard work...but OH MY is it worth it.  

Happy 10th Anniversary to My Favorite.  Thanks for thinking me worth the effort. ;)

Kindergarten, Part II

I reread my last blog on this subject and had two simultaneous thoughts (which they say is the definition of a genius, you know, but whatever...) :  1) Calm down.  She's not going off to war.  2) Holy cow, you're way too chill about this.  It's PUBLIC SCHOOL!

So that's where I'm at.  Somewhere in between getting a grip and losing my mind...knowing it'll be okay and knowing it's going to be very tough.  

In an effort to move myself more towards the getting a grip and knowing it'll be okay, I'm trying to sort through what, specifically, I'm struggling with about the situation.  There are just so many dadgum aspects to it that I'm not sure where to begin!

It's not just about putting my daughter into someone else's care for 35 hours a week, though that's certainly a big chunk of it.  It's that I won't be the loudest voice in her life any more.  She'll be exposed to teachers (some of which will be awesome and some of which won't) and peers (again, some good, some bad) who will be pouring into her little mind for hours and hours a day and I am not there to filter any of it.  Most of it will be positive, yes.  But some of it won't.  And I can't control when or how the negative stuff sneaks in.  I can't be in the lunch room or on the playground when some kid says something to her that breaks her heart or tells her what french kissing means or teases her about her glasses.  We have been so careful about what she watches and hears for the last five years and now she'll be surrounded by dozens of sources that we cannot prescreen or turn off.

Add to that worry the worries of practical things.  Will she find her classroom okay?  What if she's hungry at 11am and has to wait two more hours before lunch?  Will she be able to open up her lunch box items?  What if she forgets to lock the bathroom stall door and gets embarrassed?  Will she speak up for herself on the playground?  Will she speak up for others when they need it?  When will the teacher figure out she can read as well as she can and how bright she is? Is she going to be bored all day long?  What if she gets on the wrong bus home?  And that's the "light" stuff.  I can't even let myself go down the mental road thinking about the psychos and sickos that exist in this world.  OH, the worry!

Another part of my struggle is the stupid schedule and calendar.  Her days of waking up at 8:00am and going to bed at 8:30 are about to be over.  We'll have to leave the house at 7:30am every day.  So much for me working out and showering before the kids got up.  Of course she had set days, times, and holidays in preschool, but it was different.  If we wanted to take a long weekend trip to somewhere, we did.  If I woke up one morning and decided I didn't feel like taking her to school, I didn't have to.  (That never happened, but the point is it could have.)  Now I have to consult the school calendar before I make appointments for her.  I have to think about when we want to take our trips based on the holiday breaks.  Sure, we'll probably skip every now and then for our "mental health days" or miss a day or two for family vacations, but the whole truancy thing is really going to put a damper on me deciding what works best for us all the time.  

And finally, I think the biggest struggle of all is my own selfishness.  I just don't want her to go because I want her with me.  Her absence is going to leave a huge hole in my day to day.  Hearing her little voice and giggles, talking to her about big and small things, having her help me with Luke or chores or to find my phone...again.  I'm just flat-out going to miss her.  Achingly, painfully miss her.  To paraphrase my friend Lauren, mothers sacrifice a part of ourselves so that our children can always have a piece of us with them.  It becomes the voice in their head and their base to stand on.  But of course it hurts to amputate part of your heart, and that's exactly what I feel like I'm doing.  

Make no mistake, my children are not my whole world.  I have Jesus and David and friends and hobbies and commitments and soon, a part-time job.  But they ARE the sunshine in my day and the stars in my night.  They are the lights of my life.  And it's time for one of them to share some of her shine with others. 

Trip to New Smyrna Beach 2014

Last week we took our annual vacation down to New Smyrna Beach Florida with David's parents and his mom's side of the family.  The ride down took 8 1/2 hours and half of it was spent navigating through hard thunderstorms, but the kids did a fantastic job.  I'd put together a box for each of them full of activities and books to hold their interest.  That plus a couple of shows and some tablet time saved everyone's sanity and we made it there late Saturday afternoon.

We stayed in a 3 bedroom condo on the beach with David's parents and the rest of the family stayed in a condo building next door, which was about a 2-3 minute walk by beach or by road.  The kids slept in the same room this year (as opposed to last year when we shoved a rental crib in the bathroom for Luke.  Poor second child.)  Audrey was in one of the two twin beds, but we opted to put Luke on an air mattress in the floor.  They both did really well with their unusual surroundings (and light pouring in the windows at 6:30am.  PSA to all you condo owners reading this: invest in good blinds and window coverings!  People want to sleep on vacation!)

Unfortunately, Luke came down with a cold on the Thursday before we left, so the poor guy was not at his best all week.  By Monday, he had passed it on to me and most everyone was feeling a little more sneezy than usual, but thankfully we all bounced back within two days and he was the only one still coughing and snotty.  It didn't seem to bother him too much until nighttime, when he'd get into coughing fits from the drainage.  Even then, though, he only had 1-2 really rough nights and slept pretty well the rest of the week.  

Instead of going into great detail of each day, I decided to do a bullet-point highlight reel.  It takes the pressure and time requirement off of me and, frankly, probably means you'll actually read it all the way to the end.  (Sidenote:  It did take the time requirement off of me until I went to post this and half of it was missing.  Grrrr.)  Anyway, here are some of our favorite things about the trip:

• Flitters!  As has become tradition, David's grandma cooked us flitters several mornings.  If I haven't explained these before, they're kind of a cross between pancakes and biscuits.  David likes his with jelly, I prefer peanut butter, and the kids do syrup on theirs.  However you top them, they are so tasty and a big part of the trip for us!

• Running on the beach.  I didn't go often or far this year, but there is still something wonderful and exhilarating about running beside the ocean.  

• Branching out.  Sometimes when you vacation in the same spot every year, you can get stuck in a rut going to all of the same places.  We definitely didn't this year, though!  We tried a new pizza place (Planet Pizza - pretty good.  HUGE portions), a new bakery (Mon Delice - yummy!), a new restaurant (Lost Lagoon at the airport - delicious burgers and great service), and a new seafood place (Blackbeard's Inn - pretty good.)  

• Watching the kids have such a blast in the water.  Audrey loved the pool, but Luke was more into the beach and digging into the sand.  Both of them really enjoyed jumping waves in the ocean, though (well, Luke if he was in our arms).  I'd hold him and he would keep saying "Go out there, Mommy!" wanting me to go farther and farther into the ocean.  Audrey would hold each of our hands and squeal as we pulled her up just in time to escape them crashing over her.

• Swimming with Audrey, especially when I got out my goggles and could do underwater tea party and races.  She loves the pool!

• A crab hunt!  We even let Luke stay up for this year's.  We went out just as it was getting dark and David's cousin, aunt, grandma, and parents joined us.  David and his cousin would try to catch them in their nets and then dump them in the bucket.  We collected 13 and then released them.  As we were walking back to our condo, a few fireworks went off in the distance.  It was a magical ending to a really fun night.  

• David's golf.  He got to play three rounds with his uncle and Pawpaw.  I know he had a wonderful time!

• A Mommy-Daddy-Daughter Date.  This was the third year of our tradition and it was just as fun as the last two times.  It was raining, so we couldn't do the all-outdoor seating DQ that we've gone to the last two years.  We did manage to find another place that did hot dogs and ice cream and it was delicious.  David and I took turns telling Audrey some of our favorite memories of kindergarten and she loved it.  After she finished her bubble-gum flavored ice cream cone, we splashed our way through puddles and over to the souvenir shop across the street.  We tried on silly hats, hunted for "Audrey" on the million personalized trinkets they had, and let her pick out a shell to buy (yes - we bought a shell at the beach.  There aren't many whole ones on our stretch!)  It was a lot of fun and we look forward to adding a Mommy-Daddy-Son Date next year with Luke.  

• Playing cards with family after the kids were in bed.  Getting out some snacks and gathering around the table for some good gab (the actual game is secondary) is one of my favorite parts of beach trips.  We learned a new one this year called Skip-Bo that will definitely be added to the rotation.  

• A date night.  David and I took an evening off and went strolling around the shops on Flagler and then had a great dinner at Norwood's.  We drove back to the condo and took a short stroll on the beach.  I wonder how many times we've walked those spaces together?  How our conversations have changed over the years!

• Getting to blog.  I wrote 4.5 posts while I was down there, which is more than the entire month of June...and May and April, for that matter!  That plus 2 naps were my goals for this trip and I'm proud to say I accomplished them.  I wish I'd have snuck in a book, but you gotta leave a little room for growth for the next time, right?

• Extra time with extra family.  We got to see David's parents and most of his mom's side, but we also stopped by my Great Uncle Ben and Aunt Bonnie's for a visit and then David's dad's brother came over for two separate visits while he was in Orlando for work.  Great bonuses!  

• Watching everyone enjoy and love on our kids.  I don't think they had a single day without getting a little toy from someone nor were they ever at a loss for someone to entertain and snuggle them.  We so appreciated it!

Another great vacation in NSB is in the books!  Pictures are up and can be viewed by clicking here.  

Kindergarten, Part I

I've been trying to figure out how to put this impending milestone into words.  I don't think it can really be done adequately, I just know I have to try.  I also know that I have so much to digest about the situation, that it's going to take a couple of posts to work it all out.  I appreciate your patience in the process.   

I'll start with how I attempted to describe it to David in terms he could relate to:  "It's like you have this hugely important project at your job that you've been working on for over five years.  And not just during office hours.  You have been toiling away 24 hours a day, 7 days a week through weekends and holidays.  Of course you sleep...well not a lot in the first year, but some later on.  But even still, this project is the first thing you think of when you open your eyes and one of your last thoughts before you close them at night.  And even when you sleep, it appears in your dreams.  You've spent money, time, and energy and experienced worry, heartache, and joy like you've never known about this project.  Now I want you to imagine you're about to hand this project over to another person for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.  You can help a little now and then during that time, but for the most part, this project is completely in their sometimes capable, sometimes erroneously human hands.  Plus, they have around 20 other projects going on at the same time.  However, you are still responsible for the outcome of your project.  Crazy, right?  Now replace this "project" with a priceless human being that you had a part in creating."  

He nodded slowly as he let the mediocre metaphor sink in.  It seemed to strike a bit of chord.  

I went on to remind him that his weekday time with Audrey was going to essentially be cut in half because she'd have to go to bed earlier.  His forehead creased some more.  

But try as he might, he still doesn't truly get it.  There are few who do.  At the risk of alienating my working mama friends, even they have a different perspective.  Most of them had to let go and say their "goodbyes" at an earlier stage when their children started daycare.  

Then there's David's Great Aunt, with whom I had a good talk at a recent reunion. She described the sight in her rearview mirror of her little one sitting on the steps outside the school on the first day of kindergarten.  She admitted to sobbing the whole way home.  The next day, she put her child on the bus, went inside, and laid on the bathroom floor crying uncontrollably.  She wondered what was wrong with her and if she would ever get over it.  As I listened to her, my eyes welled up with tears and I nodded in agreement.  

"I tried to explain it to David." I said.  She just shook her head 'no'.  She said, "They don't understand.  It's different for them."  It wasn't meant disrespectfully.  It was just a fact.

It only seems overdramatic to those that haven't been there, but this is seriously one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.  I know she's not mine.  She is on loan from God.  A gift for me to cherish and treasure and raise up right.  To give roots and wings and all that.  But I'm not ready for her little wings to spread out this much.  They're strong enough, but I don't know if my heart is.  

More later...  

June 2014 Recap

Here we are again halfway into the next month when I realize I haven't recapped the previous one!  I want to get caught up before our upcoming vacation so that maybe I'll have time to write something other than an update while we're away.  

June was a great start to summer.  We returned from our anniversary trip feeling really refreshed and I had a renewed energy to take on the next 10 weeks.  Of course, it also helped that I got to ease into it a little more while Audrey had a week of Vacation Bible School.  She was very nervous about it the first day, but when we pulled into the parking lot and saw bouncy houses I think the uneasiness disappeared.  She had a blast and learned a lot through the "Secret Agent D3" curriculum.  Luke wasn't old enough to go, but I still made sure he had a fun few days by swapping play dates with his buddy Patrick and giving him some one-on-one time with his Grandmom.  

Audrey began once-a-week gymnastics that first week as well.  I wanted something very low-key for the summer and didn't want to spend a lot of money, so when I stumbled on a Groupon for a gymnastics place that a friend recommended, I jumped on it.  Again, she was very nervous to give it a try, but bounced and jumped around excitedly every second of the class that she wasn't doing something, so I think it was another hit.  

We headed to Alabama the first weekend and celebrated Audrey's birthday early as well as two of her second cousins' birthdays and Father's Day.  The next day after church, David and I snuck in a lunch date before attending a couples' shower for friends of ours that are getting married in August.  

The second week consisted of my swim lessons, hosting a cookout for one of David's new coworkers and his family that will be moving into our neighborhood this summer, and having a neighbor over for a play date.  Party planning and house prep kicked into high gear, especially over the second weekend when the kids spent a night at David's parents' house.  While they were away, David installed a custom wench system (see album for pics) for a new chandelier, which was an awesome feat.  We also replaced the front door knobs, laid about a dozen bails of pine straw, trimmed bushes, and did some serious tree trimming in the back yard.   We did get a chance to relax after all that work, though, when we took a nice boat ride at his parents'.  Luke was apprehensive and had a hard time getting used to it.  I wondered if he has his mother's uneasy stomach.  He finally calmed down and we sat at the dock and ate a picnic on the boat.  That and splashing his feet off the back were his favorite parts.  We ended that weekend celebrating the best Daddy in the world on Father's Day, mostly by showering him with all of his favorite foods.  Afterall, the way to a man's heart and all that...

Week three started off with a couple of play dates:  one at our house with my friend Lauren and her two littles and then one in Greenville where we met Kara and her three at the children's museum there.  Wednesday and Thursday of that week were party/house prep and I wrote about the details of the big birthday on Friday and party on Saturday here.

That Sunday, David left for business trip to DC.  Audrey had swim lessons that week, which kept us busy during the mornings as nearly every day we would go down and splash around in the kiddie pool, have her lesson, eat a picnic lunch, and then play in the big pool.  She did great with lessons and one of the most impressive parts was her overcoming her fear of the big water slide.  Last year she barely managed to do it once with her coach.  This year, she conquered her fear and would walk up the tall tower of steps, slide down, and swim to the ladder (while I was in the splash pool at the bottom just in case) all by herself.  I have a feeling that that slide is going to be one of those things that 20+ years from now she'll look back and wonder who shrank it.  It's not a rinkie-dink size to begin with, but to a five year old I imagine it looks enormous!  

The rest of the week went pretty well.  We had a play date at the mall one evening with friends and then gymnastics on Thursday.  David was able to finish up his work trip a day earlier than expected, so he actually surprised the kids when they woke up Friday morning.  He took the whole day off and went to AJ's swim lesson with us.  That evening, we ate dinner at Chick-fil-A and then headed to a Gwinnett Braves game.  The kids had a blast running around in the general admission lawn area...probably more so than watching the actual game.  No matter, because it was a gorgeous weather night and we had a great time.  The next morning I went out for a run and a bike ride, then came home and we all went for a hike and a picnic near the river.  Sunday was church and a little work around the house.  We made homemade pizzas for dinner and had a pajama pizza picnic (we get in pjs and the kids watch a movie while eating pizza on a big tablecloth I spread out in front of the TV.)  It was such a good, fun family weekend full of a lot of quintessential summer-time things.  

We ended the month with a play date and picnic at the park with friends we hadn't seen in awhile and then began resting and gearing up for the 4th of July festivities that were approaching, but more on those next month.

To update on the kids specifically, they are doing so well.  The older they are, the easier it gets to do fun family things like Braves games and hikes with picnics.  Of course, the sibling rivalry and fights also increase as can the attitude, but it's still a lot easier being out of the "survival stage" of infancy and young toddlerhood.

Audrey is still my little bookworm and Nancy Drew and the Clue Crew are her absolute favorites (it's a mystery series by the same author as the regular Nancy Drew, but written for a younger audience.)  I like to read them with her the first time through and make sure they are appropriate (i.e. not too much name calling or valley girl-speak) and then she rereads ones we've already read at her daily rest time.  She still loves making up songs, has had a blast at gymnastics, and is becoming more and more skilled and detailed with her artwork and coloring.  She is 100% used to her glasses now.  She is often the one to remind me of bringing her case along, when to clean them, etc.  It took me a lot less time to get used to seeing her in them than I thought it would.  Now it seems strange to see her with them off. 

Luke is doing really well, too.  To answer your question:  No, we have not begun potty training and aren't sure when we will.  He doesn't "have" to be until September 2015 when he'll start three year preschool, so we're in no rush.  Especially after the scarring ordeal we went through training Audrey.  You're welcome to come do it for us any time you're ready...I'll pay big money!  In other areas, he's doing great.  His vocabulary is amazing and he cracks me up daily with new words and phrases.  He is definitely into his questioning phase and wants to know "'cuz why?" for everything.  Usually I attempt to explain my reasoning if I can. The other day, however, I was several layers deep into an answer and struggling to find words he could comprehend. He finally looked up at me, tilted his head to one side, and with an understanding nod said, "Cuz you said so, Mommy?" Exactly. 

At the beginning of the month we switched the big boy over to his toddler bed.  He has done amazingly well and not snuck out of it a single time since we made the transition!  He  is also reaching small but noticeable milestones:  eating cereal without dumping all the milk off the spoon into his lap (mostly), handling most restaurant meals without a bib, having so much hair that we have to blow dry it after bath, opening and closing doors with ease, following multi-step directions, reaching most light switches...those kinds of uncelebrated achievements and signs that signal the end of toddlerhood and the start of childhood.  No, that sounds too old and makes my heart hurt.  We'll say the start of preschoolerhood.  Yes, it's a thing.    

Funny quotes from this month:

- Last month, I wrote about Luke doing his encouraging "Go runner, go!" cheer when we pass joggers while we're driving.  Well come to find out on a recent hike, he also enjoys doing it in person. Loudly.  Without shame.  Oh well, it made her (and me) smile! 

- Speaking of exercise, I told Audrey one day that I was going to do a work out video.  Her reply?  "Good."  "Good?!" I asked. "Why 'good'?"  "Because, Mommy," she said, "I like doing them with you...and you haven't exercised in awhile."  Ouch. 

- When talking about body parts, Luke uses slightly off names for them that are still somewhat applicable but just not quite right.  For instance, he'll exclaim, "I can't see it with my FACE!" or "Cuz why you putting sunscreen on my brain?" (i.e. forehead)  or "Do you see that with your eyeballs, Mommy?"  I find it adorably cute. 

-  The boy also has very little sense of privacy. He opened the door to the bathroom the other day while I was...ahem...using it.  I said, "Luke, can you please close the door?  Mommy would like some privacy."  "Sure!" he said.  Then he promptly stepped inside and closed the door behind him.  

 - I have no idea where he got this, but Luke accidentally fell flat on his face the other day, jumped up, and exclaimed, "That was magic trick."  No, son.  That is called "male ego."

- I've started doing time lessons with Audrey, which I've learned can backfire.  She can mainly only do hours and halves on an analog clock, but there have already been a couple of instances where questions arise.  For example, we put the kids to bed a little early one night and she called us back in there and said, "Why is it so light out?  And how come my clock doesn't say 8:30 yet?"  Hmmm....

And with that, it's past time for me to wrap this up.  It's been a great June and we're excited about all that July...and AJ's final pre-kindergarten month...have in store!  Check out pictures in the gallery here.

Audrey's 5th Birthday & Party

A few weeks ago we celebrated our big girl turning five.  On Friday morning, her actual birthday, we woke her up singing Happy Birthday and giving her five kisses.  We all sat down together for a chocolate chip pancake breakfast and gushed over how big she was. After we ate, we surprised her with a new bike, complete with training wheels, streamers on the handlebars, and a baby seat in the back for her to take along her favorite doll.  She was ecstatic...well, after my little rule-follower got over her meltdown about her old helmet no longer fitting ("but the bike SAYS I have to wear a helmet!") Luke was so happy for her, too, which was almost as cool to see as her reaction.  

David went in to work for a few hours and Luke, Audrey, and I headed to a local park to let her practice on her new ride (by way of Walmart for a new helmet, of course.)  She rode back and forth, not caring about the excruciating heat.  She would stop from time to time to open her little zippered handlebar bag and take a sip of her water.  I watched her maneuver and steer like a pro and teared up from the shade where Luke and I were hiding out.  When did this happen?  How could she be FIVE on a BIKE?  I thought back to that day on 2009 in a hospital room at 7:29pm and how my life has changed since that moment.  Her little hand waved at me and I remembered her tiny fingers curling around mine when she was a baby.  It seemed like both a blink and a lifetime ago at the same time.  The fear of the kids dehydrating interrupted my reflection and I moved all of us back to the van to change the kids into their bathing suits for the fountains.  

Audrey splashed and played and Luke stood around and mostly whined for about 45 minutes before we packed it in and went home for lunch.  I put Luke down for a nap and Audrey down for a rest and worked on party stuff until my brother and my niece arrived from out of town.  The girls played while my brother and I visited until Luke woke up.  David came home and cut the grass, I decorated some more, and then we all went out to Steak and Shake (the birthday girl's choice) for dinner.  When we got home, we put a candle in a little miniature cupcake for Audrey and sang to her before piling all three kids on the couch for bedtime stories.  It was a great day filled with a lot of fun.  We tucked the kids in and headed to bed to rest up (okay, finish up a balloon wreath) for the big party the next day. 

On Saturday morning, we rushed around getting everything ready for Audrey's party.  Her theme this year was "Arts and Crafts" and I had several stations of activities to prepare for the kids on top of the usual decor.  At least I wizened up this year and outsourced the food to our favorite local pizza spot. (I did, however, talk them into making three artist pallete-shaped pizzas for the kids.  They turned out so well!)  

Guests began to arrive a few minutes before 10am, and I ushered the littles downstairs to get started on their crafts.  They grabbed their initial-monogrammed apron (iron-on because I do not sew) and dove right in.  I think the girls could've stayed there forever, but at noon I made everyone break for lunch.  We ate then did cake.  Audrey giggled and grinned while everyone sang to her and then attempted to blow out her candles as I held her over the island.  (I imagine next year I won't be picking up a six year old to do that.)  The kids decorated their cupcakes and the adults enjoyed the delicious artist palette-shape cake masterpiece that my SIL made.  

When everyone had finished dessert, we moved into the family room and Audrey opened her presents.  I put her in a chair so as to fend off so many "helpers" and she graciously opened each card and read it then opened the gift.  She got a bunch of little craft-themed items, a lot of books, a necklace, a sleeping bag, and some money/gift card.  She oohed and aahed over all of it and did a pretty good job of audibly saying thank you to each guest. 

After gifts, she and most of her friends went back down to the patio to make some jewelry.  I remembered toward the end of the party that I hadn't taken many posed pictures, so that meant grabbing tired kids and attempting to force smiles as everyone was trying to leave.  Oh well...I'll try to remember earlier next year.  

The party was a huge success, but not because of the decorations and the activities.  The kids, especially Audrey, had a blast and told me it was "awesome" and "rocking", which I count as my highest compliments of the day.  I've done and enjoyed party planning long before Pinterest was even a thing, so I don't like people to think I do it for show or to outdo other moms.  I do it because one day I want my kids to look back and remember, "Yeah, mom wasn't the best cook.  She didn't sew our clothes or build us a treehouse or grow a garden, but man she threw us some kick-butt birthday parties!"  Of course, I realize by having this dream that I'm probably setting myself up for the complete opposite to be true, but I can hope they'll remember and appreciate the work I put into their big day for them.  

Here are the other event details of the party:

Colors:  Hot pink and granny smith apple green (same as her first birthday) with chevron details

Centerpieces:  Handmade crayon flowers in a plastic paint bucket with balloons tied to the handle

Other Decor:  Two birthday banners, various ceramic paint cans, a homemade balloon wreath, an art easel with a handwritten welcome from the birthday girl, a beautiful gallery displaying Audrey's finest works of art, a colorful bouquet of flowers, green paper lanterns hanging from the deck, paint cans pouring paint (clear cans with colored tablecloths hanging out) hanging in the foyer, tiny paint-splattered canvas signs on tiny easels.  

Audrey's outfit:  A pink tutu and a custom-embroidered white tee with a "5", "Audrey", and a painter's palette on it.  

Food:  Artist palette pizza, chips, cupcakes, and a gorgeous homemade artist palette cake with a detailed paintbrush on top by my sister-in-law Jenny.  

Activities:  Painting taped-off initials on canvases, coloring t-shirts or aprons with fabric markers, making jewelry, and decorating cupcakes.

Favors:  A painter's palette with paint and a Rice Krispie Treat "paintbrush" dipped in pink or green "paint" (colored chocolate) with their canvases and aprons, of course.

Happy 5th Birthday, Audrey!  I cannot believe you are five and I cannot believe God saw fit to entrust you to us.  You are so smart, funny, and beautiful.  May you always trust Jesus as much as you do now, love your brother as fiercely as you do now, and have as big of a hunger to learn and create as you do now.  You are amazing & we love you!


Click here for Birthday and Party Pictures