Misaligned Priorities

In an effort to avoid becoming overcommitted and over-scheduled,  I've had to learn to say "no" quite often.  I've become fairly decent at it over the last few years.  (Though admittedly I'm less proficient in the area of not caring who cares, but I'm getting better.)  I guard our family's calendar pretty fiercely and make sure we have plenty of down time and time for each other.  There is a fine line between living life to the fullest and living a too-full life, and it's one that I attempt to walk very carefully.  (Quick, somebody hand letter that onto a pretty floral background.)

However... 

Even when you make the choices that are only in line with your "best yes" and learn to say no to all of the other junk, there are times in life that are going to be just plain crazy (hello adulthood.)  A few months back I had a lot of balls in the air.  The Timber Trek was in full swing, I was planning my in-laws' 60th birthday party, room mom responsibilities were coming at me from both schools, and dear ones near me were requiring serious emotional support.  On top of that, the house stuff just seemed to keep piling up.  ("HOW do you people wear so many clothes and WHY do you need to eat ALL THE TIME?!")  I was overwhelmed and sinking fast.  

It came to a head one afternoon Audrey and Luke were playing and he did something he shouldn't have.  I called him into the kitchen and laid into him louder and more harshly than was necessary.  I don't even remember what he did, but I know my reaction didn't fit the crime.   His eyes welled with tears and I immediately thought, "I am failing.  I am failing miserably at this."  I calmed down and doled out time-outs for both of us.  As I tried to figure out what to do next, a realization came to me:  If I mess this up, nothing else matters.  If I succeed at everything else I'm responsible for but drop the ball with my family, we all lose.  

Ouch.

I read an article a few weeks ago that railed against the "constant sexist message women are sent: your 'job' will never be as important as your role as a mother — and if you try to do both you will always be failing."    

My blood boiled as I read the lies on the screen in front of me again.  Newsflash:  Your job WON'T ever be as important as your role as a mother.  Neither will any other parent's...male or female, Small Business Owner or POTUS.  Aside from your relationship with Christ, familial relationships are everything and should be treated accordingly.  

Let me be clear:  This is not about stay at home moms vs. working moms.  As was evident to me that afternoon (and a hundred others before it), it's possible for SAHMs to miss the boat. Just because we're there doesn't mean we're truly present and getting it right...oh lawd, it does not mean that.   And I'm also not talking about perfection nor the need to be 100% accessible to your family 100% of the time.  Balls will be dropped.  Family members are going to get short-changed during busy seasons.  Kids need to know your entire universe doesn't revolve around them.  We have to step up for each other and share the load.  But if it's too much for too long, something is broken.  

I wrote in this post two years ago, "Perfect balance doesn't exist, so the scale should always tip to the side that has your heart."  That afternoon I realized I was way off balance.  It wasn't a self-imposed guilt trip that I lamented over.  Instead it was actually a quiet, gentle reminder that my priorities had gotten misaligned.  Instead of letting it wash over me in a wave of discouragement, I took it as clarifying, freeing truth.  If I will run my next steps through the filter of correctly aligned priorities, what I need to do becomes crystal clear.  At that very moment, it was about asking my four year old for forgiveness and grace.  

The busyness remained constant over the next few weeks, but God shifted my attitude. Another message came to mind that I clung to:  if my kids see me serving others with a bad attitude and constantly doing so at their expense, what good is that example?  They need to know they matter and I need to remember to let go of what doesn't and hold on tight to who does.

September/Timber Trek 2016 Recap

As I write this, we are nearly at the end of October.  I don't know how it happened, but it's true.  Audrey asked me the other day how to write the date in numerical form and I responded "8/21/16"...apparently I am still very much in August.  Which is unfortunate, as I think September was a great month and I hate that I missed it.  

Here are the things I *think* happened last month, but I'm not sure I can be trusted:

• Labor Day weekend was crazy, but fun.  We were in Alabama on Saturday, over my dad and stepmom's on Sunday, and in Cobb visiting friends on Monday.  Nearly eight hours in the car total, but it was time spend with lots of people we love, which made it very much worth it.  

• Audrey's school fundraiser was at the beginning of the month, which meant a lot of communication and a lot of counting.  ("Really, Tommy?  Did you have to collect $0.16 from each of 32 relatives?"  Can I just write a check for $20 and NOT have to count all these coins?!)  Nonetheless, the school exceeded their goal and the class reached all of their personal incentives, which meant I got to supervise a "field trip" to the park next to the school for lunch and recess.  It was great to get the time with the class, as AJ's teacher isn't too keen on parent helpers this year.  

• Luke started Pre-K!!!  Unbelievable.  He was ready and excited.  Since he has the same teachers that Audrey did and a couple of buddies in his class, we were all pretty comfortable.  (But mark my words:  I will be a wreck next year.) 

• My mom came out and spent the night with us one Friday.  I had a cold and wasn't feeling the best, which put an unfortunate damper on things.  David and I still got a little date in and we all went to the neighborhood pool for a final swim of the season.  The kids bid it farewell through chattering teeth and blue lips.  

• We attended Suwanee Fest and enjoyed seeing the sights and overpaying for spray painted tattoos and bouncy houses for the kids.  

• Luke had a playdate with his friend Lilly that absolutely adores him.  (I can't remember if I wrote about it before, but she gave him a Bible for Valentine's Day last year and is head over heels for him.)  Her mom had been asking about a time they could get together and I finally relented.  She brought her older brother and Audrey came too.  Unfortunately, Luke was more content to run around than pay much attention to Lilly.  He tried, but he didn't cater to her quite like she expected.  I heard later that Lilly's feelings were a little hurt.  Sigh.  I'm not sure it's going to be longterm match.  I guess she's learning the hard lesson of managing expectations and he's learning that girls are often guilty of not communicating those expectations.  Plus, you know...they're FOUR. 

• We started back up with our small group.  We're co-leading with the Kirkleys again and discussing the sermon series.  We have mostly the same couples this time around, with the exception of one that left and a new one that came in.  It's actually Audrey's friend Kaelyn's family, whose mom I've known for years and did women's Bible study with.  

• Audrey began attending art club after school one day a week.  This girl of mine continues to knock my socks off with her artistic abilities.  At her parent-teacher conference at the end of the month, her teacher commented on how balanced she is and that she's great at doing a variety of things.  She's reading on an end-of-fourth-grade level and earning some "E's" in her gifted class, which is quite rare (S's are the norm). We are so proud of her for all of her achievements.  More than any of that, though, we're ecstatic that once a week she chooses to sit with a little boy in her class at the allergy table so he won't eat lunch alone.  (Others rotate with him too.)  As we told her, it doesn't matter how smart or talented you are if you're a jerk (we used nicer words.)  I pray she always has a heart for others.  

And of course, the Timber Trek happened this month!  Had I written this a few weeks ago, I'd have a lot more detail and umph for ya, but as it stands, it already seems like a million years ago and just thinking about it again makes me exhausted.  Here are a few highlights:

• Over 100 participated (half of which were from the neighborhood)

• $2,400 was raised for Family Promise and The SaltLight Center

• 22 businesses sponsored (And y'all, these were hard-won.)

We came in almost exactly where we did last year in terms of participation and money raised.  It was great weather and everything went very smoothly.  I am so grateful for the volunteers (many of them return helpers that got duped again!) and the support.  I love that people now know a little bit of the story of Family Promise and The SaltLight Center and can no longer say "I had no idea!" when they hear the staggering statistics of homelessness in our county.  I also love how the kids get to see me bust my butt for something that matters and join in as helpers.  

I'm still uncertain about whether there will be another race next year.  It's SO MUCH WORK.  Just so much.  Even though dealing with the HOA was much easier this year (non-existent, really), securing sponsorships nearly sucked the life out of me.  I hit up 70 businesses, most of them in person.  Every time someone made me do 7-8 follow-ups for a $75 level sponsorship, I was again reminded how very much I want to be a generous giver. Almost without exception, those at a $300 level or higher were the easiest and nicest to work with and those that gave the least were as stingy/flakey as could be.  

I know I won't do another one with Fundracers unless they take a smaller cut (and I don't want to take it on solo, especially since I wouldn't be able to offer tax deductions unless I incorporate), so we'll see what I can negotiate.  For now, we'll count this one a success and thank God for his blessing and favor on it.  

That's it for September!  Resolution updates will come for October's recap, which should be very soon.  In theory...

Life Lessons from the Timber Trek

It's been almost three weeks since the Timber Trek and I think I've finally wrapped my head around it being over.  After nearly a year of planning and preparation, it took a while not to wake up every morning and think "What needs to be done for the race today?  Who needs to be emailed/called/coerced/blackmailed into something?"  I've finished up all of the post-race to-dos:  mailing ghost runner t-shirts, selling extra shirts, delivering leftover goodie bag items to the sponsors, putting my pile of papers and notes in some semblance of order...okay, well I haven't done that yet.  But I'm almost finished. 

When I first began mulling over what to write in this post, I imagined it would be a full recap of the entire event from start to finish.  Instead, I realized that while I do want to capture some specific memories of that incredible day, it is more important to me to articulate the lessons I gleaned from the whole experience.  

So first, here are some details that I want to remember:

• The weather was supposed to be rainy and awful.  I had watched the forecast like a hawk all week, but never really freaked out about it.  I prayed and knew that beyond that, there was nothing that could be done.  When I stepped out of the shower around 4:15am the morning of, I heard it pouring outside.  I frustratingly vented to God as I pulled up the weather app on my phone.  It read 5am: 30%, 6am: 30%, 7am: 30%, 8am: 0%.  No joke.  The very start time of the race had a ZERO percent chance.  It was if God was telling me, "I have told you a thousand times that I've got this.  Trust me."  And He did have it.  It sprinkled a bit during set-up and break-down, but not a single drop fell during the races.  Amazing.

• The incredible sense of calm as Sarah (my Fundracers point person) and I drove around the neighborhood in the dark in a golf cart marking the course before dawn.  As we drove, we prayed for the event as we'd done so many times before.  I was excited but calm and in proper "event mode", which can't be attributed to anything but the Holy Spirit's peace.  

• The overall spirit and sense of community was almost palpable.  Watching neighbors introduce themselves to others and strike up conversations and then later cheer one another on was just the neatest!  Beyond raising money and awareness for Street Grace, this was about building community in our neighborhood.  It's cheesy, but I was literally watching my dreams come true.  

• Getting to run the Fun Run with David, Luke, Audrey, and David's parents and having my family cheer on the kids.  Audrey and Luke had been hearing about this for so long and had sacrificed time with me while I worked on it.  They even put in time serving by putting up and taking down signs, making posters, stuffing bags, etc.  Watching it come to fruition through their eyes was just as cool as seeing it myself.  

• Everything ran smoothly, even when it didn't.  There were a few hiccups, but we all rolled with it and everyone kept their cool.  I've done enough events to know this is not something to take for granted.    

• After the race, I received an email from one of the board members who had never been  supportive of the event.  In the note, he congratulated me and complimented how smoothly it went and how clean the areas were post-race.  From him, these were hard-earned nuggets of gold. 

• My friends and family are just amazing.  They are truly the BEST.  Over and over again I was reminded of this.  Sweet friends stayed late with me on Friday night while I was waiting for t-shirts to arrive so we could finish stuffing bags.  Some drove for hours to be a part of it.  Some gave hundreds of dollars.  Some got up at 5am or earlier to come out, point people in the right direction, and cheer because they knew that simple act could help make all the difference to participants.  Professional t-shirt design and photography were possible because of generous friends.  So many prayed.  So many listened and encouraged.  So many believed in this and showed up, ready and willing.  Simply put:  I could not have done this without David and our small group, friends, and family and I will NEVER forget that support.  

And in case you missed me shouting it from the rooftop, here are some stats from the race:

• Over 100 people came out to participate in the 5k and Fun Run

• $2,500 was raised for Street Grace

• 30+ volunteers came out to stuff bags, set-up, check-in registrants, cheer and guide participants, provide music and sound, hand out water and bananas, break-down, and clean up

• 20 businesses sponsored the race

And finally, the Top 5 Life Lessons I learned from putting on a 5k:

1)  A courteous and prompt "no" is almost as nice as a "yes."  I learned this from asking 50+ businesses for sponsorships.  If they couldn't/wouldn't do it, the next best thing was respecting me enough to tell me quickly so I could move on and not waste my time with 2-3 follow-ups.  In fact, I found myself nearly hugging several business owners after they'd just flat out said no.  I now try to take that respect into consideration when I know I have to turn others down!

2)  Don't assume.  (You know what they say about that.)  People you thought would be a sure thing may not be and those you almost didn't approach could come through in a huge way.  You'll never know if you don't ask.

3)  God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.  Cliche?  Yes. But OH so true.  And if you are operating under your calling, WHEN (not if) adversity crops up, it's a lot easier to deal with.  Not easy, mind you, but easiER.

4)  Keeping calm really does make all the difference.  In event planning, as in life, things are going to go wrong.  Something will happen, whether big or small.  You can do everything in your power to plan, prep for, and attempt to prevent this, but when it does occur, your attitude about it is everything.  As a leader - be it in the home or elsewhere - that attitude is contagious.  If I had freaked that the music was late or complained about a screw-up, the entire tone of the event could have been very different.  You don't have to be flippant, but you do need to stay positive and in calm control of the situation if you want the outcome to be the best it can be.  (If only I could remember this when my three year old loses his ever lovin' mind over a missing acorn.)  

5)  Celebrate the heck out of a victory.  I mean really milk the thing for all it's worth.  One of the very best lessons I learned from my grandmother was to "work hard, play hard."  I built in several big and small celebrations months in advance so I could look forward to them and to ease the post-event funk.  The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to stop, celebrate, and reflect on the awesomeness of a big accomplishment before just plowing ahead to the next goal.  Taking that down time gives you pause to appropriately thank God and others as well as giving you a chance to refuel yourself. 

So that's it.  That's the gist of the day plus what I learned from the whole experience.

I don't know if there will be a second one next year (hint: probably).  Even if this was a one-time deal, however, I am so glad I said yes to God's calling.  It was not easy and was often met with hurdles and push-back from our HOA board.  Even when they finally came around, I had sponsors let me down and registrations were so slow that I wondered if anyone would show up.  And yet, people came through and numbers rolled in last minute just as everyone told me they would.  

God was faithful time and time again and showed up in a bigger way than I could have ever imagined.  And just in case I didn't express it enough, there is no way I could've done this without my family, friends, small group, and neighbors.  I keep trying to put it into words, but I know I'm falling short.  The bottom line is that I am grateful and forever changed by the experience!

My awesome small group presented this to me the week after the race.  Aren't they just the sweetest?!  It was so thoughtful and meant a great deal.  
There may have been some choking up...it was all David, though.