Misaligned Priorities

In an effort to avoid becoming overcommitted and over-scheduled,  I've had to learn to say "no" quite often.  I've become fairly decent at it over the last few years.  (Though admittedly I'm less proficient in the area of not caring who cares, but I'm getting better.)  I guard our family's calendar pretty fiercely and make sure we have plenty of down time and time for each other.  There is a fine line between living life to the fullest and living a too-full life, and it's one that I attempt to walk very carefully.  (Quick, somebody hand letter that onto a pretty floral background.)

However... 

Even when you make the choices that are only in line with your "best yes" and learn to say no to all of the other junk, there are times in life that are going to be just plain crazy (hello adulthood.)  A few months back I had a lot of balls in the air.  The Timber Trek was in full swing, I was planning my in-laws' 60th birthday party, room mom responsibilities were coming at me from both schools, and dear ones near me were requiring serious emotional support.  On top of that, the house stuff just seemed to keep piling up.  ("HOW do you people wear so many clothes and WHY do you need to eat ALL THE TIME?!")  I was overwhelmed and sinking fast.  

It came to a head one afternoon Audrey and Luke were playing and he did something he shouldn't have.  I called him into the kitchen and laid into him louder and more harshly than was necessary.  I don't even remember what he did, but I know my reaction didn't fit the crime.   His eyes welled with tears and I immediately thought, "I am failing.  I am failing miserably at this."  I calmed down and doled out time-outs for both of us.  As I tried to figure out what to do next, a realization came to me:  If I mess this up, nothing else matters.  If I succeed at everything else I'm responsible for but drop the ball with my family, we all lose.  

Ouch.

I read an article a few weeks ago that railed against the "constant sexist message women are sent: your 'job' will never be as important as your role as a mother — and if you try to do both you will always be failing."    

My blood boiled as I read the lies on the screen in front of me again.  Newsflash:  Your job WON'T ever be as important as your role as a mother.  Neither will any other parent's...male or female, Small Business Owner or POTUS.  Aside from your relationship with Christ, familial relationships are everything and should be treated accordingly.  

Let me be clear:  This is not about stay at home moms vs. working moms.  As was evident to me that afternoon (and a hundred others before it), it's possible for SAHMs to miss the boat. Just because we're there doesn't mean we're truly present and getting it right...oh lawd, it does not mean that.   And I'm also not talking about perfection nor the need to be 100% accessible to your family 100% of the time.  Balls will be dropped.  Family members are going to get short-changed during busy seasons.  Kids need to know your entire universe doesn't revolve around them.  We have to step up for each other and share the load.  But if it's too much for too long, something is broken.  

I wrote in this post two years ago, "Perfect balance doesn't exist, so the scale should always tip to the side that has your heart."  That afternoon I realized I was way off balance.  It wasn't a self-imposed guilt trip that I lamented over.  Instead it was actually a quiet, gentle reminder that my priorities had gotten misaligned.  Instead of letting it wash over me in a wave of discouragement, I took it as clarifying, freeing truth.  If I will run my next steps through the filter of correctly aligned priorities, what I need to do becomes crystal clear.  At that very moment, it was about asking my four year old for forgiveness and grace.  

The busyness remained constant over the next few weeks, but God shifted my attitude. Another message came to mind that I clung to:  if my kids see me serving others with a bad attitude and constantly doing so at their expense, what good is that example?  They need to know they matter and I need to remember to let go of what doesn't and hold on tight to who does.