Too Much & Not Enough

One of my latest reads has been "Wild and Free:  A Hope Filled Anthem for the Woman who Feels She is Both Too Much and Not Enough."  Though I find it a little wordy (I know...pot and kettle and all that), there are some excellent, scripture-based truths in it that I found very encouraging.  It's also made me call to mind one or a thousand times in my own life when I've felt like too much or not enough.

One particular instance took place about four years ago.  I remember his words as if they'd been spoken yesterday.  Our realtor sat beside me at the attorney's office as we waited for the clerk to bring in the last stack of paperwork for us to sign.  We were finally at the end of a hellish seven month journey that had involved going on and off the housing market four times, sometimes just days away from closing. Contract after contract had fallen through and each time left us scrambling to get the house show-ready again while also procuring extensions on the foreclosure we were trying to purchase. I should also mention that it was just two weeks shy of Christmas and we had a three year old and a nine month old.  It was not the easiest season of life.

So there we sat, waiting in the attorney's office when my realtor turned to me and said, "You didn't think about how all of this was affecting the buyers or me or the sellers.  You just got so dogmatic and kept plowing forward without thinking about anyone else's schedule or preferences."  He was referring to that week when closing had changed and how I'd become determined to make it happen and see it through, pulling all strings and cashing in all favors to keep it from shifting yet again.  

Now let me pause here and explain that I adore our realtor and had a great relationship with him.  His wife had been my leader for several Bible studies and his daughter was my friend and co-room mom.  He had fought through the muck and mire of the entire journey with us and been there 24/7 without fail for months.  I would hire him again in a heartbeat.  We were definitely close enough that he had the freedom to speak to me so personally.  But that didn't mean that his words didn't sting.  Badly.

The truth was, I HAD been thinking about everyone else.  Constantly.  I kept worrying about calling my in-laws back to change childcare plans again.  I stressed over David missing work to handle inspections and closings.  I called the moving company and texted the carpet cleaning guy, apologizing profusely over and over for having to change things around yet again.  How could I tell family and friends who were helping us move that we'd have to RE- reschedule?! And of course my children and their needs and adjustments were my primary concern. Would I be able to pull off Audrey's class party?  Could we make it to Luke's check-up appointment?  When and where would he eat and sleep in the middle of all of the craziness this week?  Did I have enough breastmilk in the freezer if I was running late to get him? When/where/how could I pump?  What if I was late to carpool for Audrey?  And HOW could we make sure they didn't miss Christmas and all its festivities in the midst of this?!

So NO, I wasn't really thinking about our realtor, buyers, or sellers.  I didn't have the brain capacity or emotional energy.  Of course I didn't say all this.  I just sat in stunned silence for a moment and then shoved it out of my mind as the clerk brought in the paperwork.  We closed, moved, and managed to adjust just fine with God's grace and favor.

But that conversation marked me in a major way.  (Clearly, since I'm writing about it over four years later.) I wasn't putting the people first that he deemed the highest priorities, but that didn't mean I was wrong.  I learned an important lesson that day:  For some people, you will always be either too much or not enough...or both.    

There are people at church that feel I don't volunteer enough and people on some boards that wish I would take on more. ("NOT ENOUGH!")  Conversely, it's a rare week that goes by that someone doesn't make a joke about my type-A personality or perfectionist tendencies.  ("TOO MUCH!")  

Here is what I'm slowly learning with age:  the sooner you get over the fear of being too much/not enough for people and become confident in your calling, priorities, and methods, the better off you'll be.  Of course you should prayerfully evaluate from time to time and check in with your spouse and family to make sure you're on the right track.  But when you're there, you'll know it.  You will feel freer, act happier, and be healthier in all areas of your life. 

I'm certainly not 100% there 100% of the time yet, but I'm a lot closer than I was four years ago.  And that feels just right to me.

"You are not 'too much' for His love and grace, and you have never been 'not enough' for His affection and devotion.  It isn't your goodness that drew Him to you, and God's love isn't dependent on your ability to stay inside the lines and hold it all together." - Wild and Free

And praise the Lord for that!

P.S.  If you want to read more (and why wouldn't you?!), check out this post I wrote a few years back on a similar topic.  Turns out this is a lesson I'll probably never get too much of. ;)

Proud Mama - Warning: Boasting Below

It's Friday, it's 70+ degrees outside in January, and Audrey is feeling MUCH better - praise God!

What all this means is that we simply must get outdoors and soak up some sunshine and warmth, especially since there is a 100% chance of thunderstorms all weekend.  But before we do that, I have to take a quick second and brag on the kiddos.  (Hey, I was nice enough to keep all the blubbering off Facebook, but I couldn't miss the chance to do it here!)

Both of them brought home awesome progress reports and we are incredibly proud.  Audrey also got chosen by her class to receive the "Be the Leader" Award.  The class voted on a person that they believe exhibits leadership qualities and then they had to write out their explanation, which showed they really did think it through.  She and one other girl tied and a boy won.  Her CogAT scores were phenomenal, too...everything was 97th percentile or higher.  Amazing!

Luke's Progress Report

Way to go, Audrey and Luke!  We're proud of your amazing hard work and grades, but we're even more pleased with your leadership and friendship skills.  GREAT JOB!

MLK Weekend 2017

Welp, we started off this long holiday weekend with a fun family adventure:

Aaaaand then there's today:

So you could say things kinda went downhill. 

Let me back up and fill in some details for you.  The January blues had me hankerin' for some adventure, but I decided that $180 for the Medieval Times night out that I'd been considering was just a little too steep (tell me, good sirs, do we get to take home a real horse as a souvenir?!)  There wasn't much going on around our neck of the woods, so I did some research and decided we'd venture downtown and try the Atlanta Children's Museum. Somehow in our many years of attempting to entertain our kids we'd never been to that one before.  They had a Magic Tree House exhibit based on the popular book series, which we thought would be really fun for Audrey.  

Of course, with the Falcons playoff game, the boat show, and the Atlanta Wholesale Market in full swing, we knew going downtown would not be an original idea and tried to get there early.  David had the great idea to park at the aquarium and cut through Centennial Park, so we only paid $12 as opposed to $30.  Good thinking, Daddy!

The museum was virtually empty when we arrived and we let the kids pick their top choices to do first.  The Magic Tree House area was really cool and it was exciting for Audrey to see certain books come alive through interactive displays.  We finished that and then hit the rocket launch area, the layers of the earth climbing mats, the kinetic sand troughs, and the simple machine ball play area before going up the piano steps to the science floor.  After we examined things through microscopes and moved a ball with our brain waves (yes, really!), we went back downstairs for the painting wall and the Fundamentally Food area that included farm, grocery store, and diner exhibits.  

Near the end of our visit I put my hand on Audrey and immediately knew she had a fever. She'd run a slight temperature the night before, but it was only a little high and then completely normal that morning so I thought it must have just been a fluke. Guess not.  

We left the museum debating about what to do next...eat lunch out as planned or just head home.  Audrey pitifully asked, "we're eating out, aren't we?!" and that settled it.  We decided to go through with our plan to eat at a flatbread place called Flats that we'd found online and talked up to the kids. People with Celiac don't get a lot of new and exciting restaurant choices.  Dining out fare that doesn't include salad (which she doesn't eat), grilled chicken, or bunless hamburgers is a treat, so we didn't have the heart to say no.  We walked a couple of blocks and found the spot, which thankfully wasn't crowded.  They brought out our yummy order and we gobbled it down, emptying the napkin dispensers in the process.  It was messy...tasty, but messy!

David left to go get the car so Audrey wouldn't have to walk so far while the kids and I began making our way back through Centennial Park.  I showed them where I used to go running in the park when I lived at the Georgia State dorms (formerly the Olympic Village, now given back to Georgia Tech after having been leased to Georgia State for ten years.)  We walked through the pretty rock waterfall sections and down to the playground where I let them do a little sliding until David called to tell us he was getting close.  He pulled up and we jumped in, waving goodbye to the beautiful tall buildings and exciting crowds of the city.  Man, I miss it. 

Once we were back home we spent the remainder of the day resting and finding calm ways to enjoy the unseasonably warm temperatures.  Audrey was feeling okay and the ibuprofen was holding off her fever.  She wrote out valentines on the back deck while I did some work and David and Luke hit golf balls in the yard.  The kids swayed in their eno hammocks and then we all cuddled up for Falcons football and Fixer Upper.  David and I ordered Chinese take-out for the first time in years (confession: ever?!) and it was a great end to an adventurous day.  

We decided to skip church the next morning and let Audrey sleep in, which was a good call because her coughing kept some of us up (read: me and AJ) quite a bit for the third night in a row. We had a family lunch planned and, since she wasn't running a fever that morning and we see that side of family so rarely, we decided to go.  It was nice to catch up with everyone and swap updates and stories.  That afternoon looked a lot like the one before it, with chill time and warm temperatures.  Audrey spiked another fever later in the day, so we tried to make her take it easy.  David grilled hamburgers (in January!) and we ate dinner on our back deck under the patio lights.  

After another tough night of coughing fits (a humidifier, Vick's, and children's cough syrup weren't doing anything to help), I woke up this morning and resolved to get her to the doctor today.  I knew that with her fever and the fact that this didn't start off with head congestion, there was a good chance she had either pneumonia or an upper respiratory infection.  I was tired of worrying and waiting to find out which.  I went to the gym early and came home to get the kids up and fed.  We got an appointment with our pediatrician and I scrambled to get everyone ready and out the door. Thankfully traffic wasn't bad since school was out, so the normal forty minute drive took about thirty.  

We arrived and waited and waited, but the kids did great being patient (they usually are when I'm not...maybe they sense Mama about to lose it.)  The nurse called us back and the doctor came in just after we got settled in an exam room.  I gave him a summary of what was going on and he listened to Audrey's lungs for all of three breaths before he heard and diagnosed pneumonia.  He listened some more, finished the exam, and talked us through the medicines he was prescribing.  I confirmed with him in front of Audrey that there would not be school tomorrow and maybe even the next day.  ("Sorry, honey, but the doctor said so." Why be the bad guy all the time if you don't have to?!  And yes, to her, missing school is bad news.)  He told me not to be overly concerned about contagiousness but that she still needed to be completely fever-free for 24 hours before going back to school.  

We headed back to our side of town and got the prescriptions filled.  I took the kids home, made them lunch, and gave her her first dose of medicine, which brings us up to the present point...the point at which I am trying to keep one healthy kid from bouncing off the walls and one sick kid from climbing them of boredom.  Sigh.  But at least we got a few fun things in before being couch-bound!  "We'll always have Paris Atlanta..."

Prayers appreciated! 

Things I'm Loving Lately

I'm going to be honest, I don't know if this will be both my first and last post of this type or whether this is the start of a new trend.  I hope it's the latter, but experience tells me it may be the former.  But let's not borrow trouble from tomorrow...

Here are three things I'm loving these days:  

1.  Halo ice cream.  Oh my.  Have you tried this?!  It's a low-cal, high protein, low-sugar ice cream and it's delicious.  I have tasted about four or five of the flavors (peanut butter cup and chocolate almond being my favs so far) and have been very impressed.  Does it taste like Ben and Jerry's?  No.  But do I love that if I wanted to, I could drown my sorrows in an entire pint and not have to run 15 miles to burn it off?  Uh, yes.  (Not that I have done that...yet.)

2.  The movie La La Land.  David and I went to see it on New Year's Day and y'all, I am still pumped about it.  Here's what you need to know:  We are NOT musical movie lovers.  In fact, we're not big movie fans in general.  We only go about once or twice a year, so we're always skeptical when we walk in.  When they opened the first scene with a cheesy musical number, I looked at David and we both whispered, "It's fine.  We'll stay.  It's gonna be fine." And it was.  More than fine, in fact.  It was a clean, vintage-Hollywood throw back with excellent acting and beautiful music (I've been listening to the soundtrack nonstop!)  It was magical and filling in a way that I didn't even know I needed.  As I heard a podcaster put it: "It felt like the opposite of 2016 to me.  It was chin up, American cinema." I don't know that the magic will translate to DVD, so if you get the chance, go see it on the big screen.  

3.  Lara Casey's Power Sheets.  I know, I know.  I already gushed ad nauseam about them in my resolutions post.  And then I had the nerve to tell you they were sold out!  BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.  This morning the shop announced that they are accepting pre-orders for the 6 month sheets that will ship in May and be good for June - December.  And there are tons of online resources on her site and blog that will tide you over until then! Don't miss this chance to set and meet some great goals this year.  You can place your order here.  And as a reminder, power sheets is a goal-setting tool with guided processes and monthly "tending lists", but it is not a traditional planner with calendars.  (I promise I am not a paid spokesperson, though I should be!) 

Snow Day #1 of ? 2017

Around this time last week we began to hear rumors about snow making its way to our fine southern state.  Within days the rumor had grown and milk and bread were flying off the grocery store shelves.  (Side note:  Why are people always flabbergasted by the purchase of these items?  They are staples that expire quickly and stores don't stock as much of them as they do fruits, meats, and other perishables.  I'm perplexed by their perplexity of the phenomenon.)  

Anyway, back on track:  The governor declared a state of emergency before the first flake even fell, likely to avoid a horrendous repeat of what happened in 2014.  (If you don't recall or live under a rock, we got a decent amount of snow and ice that began falling mid-morning. Everyone left work and schools let out at the same time and then they all got on unsalted roads, stranding motorists and crippling metro Atlanta for days afterward.) Meteorologists were quoting up to 5-6" in some areas for this one and we were told to be prepared to be stuck indoors for 2-3 days. 

Schools dismissed two hours early just in case and the governor asked everyone to be off the roads by 4pm.  We stocked up and hunkered ourselves down only to awake Saturday morning to a thin sheet of ice with a dusting of maybe 1/2" of snow on top.  Boo and sigh. The weather people had gotten it wrong, the government overreacted, and our Northern friends laughed at us once again. (GIT over y'allsselves.  Really.)

Oh well, the kids had fun regardless.  We went sledding on our tiny hill in our backyard (first with slip n' slide floats and then I busted out cookie sheets, which were way more fun).  We drank hot chocolate, cut paper snowflakes out of coffee filters, did a science experiment, and watched a movie while snacking on popcorn and m&ms.  Even if we didn't get a lot of snow, we still had a great snow day!

By Sunday, everything was fine and we went to church as usual.  I told the kids not to worry. It was January and there was still a good chance we'd see inclement weather again...maybe even enough to make a snowball fight possible.  And until then, it's going to be 70 degrees here by Friday, so how 'bout them apples, Yankees?

My snow bunnies in the...snow?

P.S.  If you haven't seen this video of the SNL skit of "Buford Calloway on the Atlanta Snowstorm", I highly recommend it:  http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/weekend-update-buford-calloway/n45830?snl=1

Word of the Year for 2017

In addition to some new specific goals for 2017, I decided to choose a word of the year for the first time.  This has become a super trendy thing over the last couple of years but I always resisted it because I didn't want to dedicate the brain space or be boxed in by a single word.  However, since I was doing all the prep work for Powersheets anyway and choosing a "WOTY" is part of that deal, I decided to give it a try.

I spent about a week thinking through ideas, making a list of possibilities, and praying about it.  I was so worried about picking just the right word that I almost didn't do one at all.  Then I remembered not to let perfect be the enemy of good and I finally settled on "faithful."  It calls to mind both my desire to be committed to my goals and how faithful God is to me.

Here is a picture of my card along with a definition and bible verses I chose to go with it:

My handwriting and the plainness of this card drives me nuts!  But the point is what it says, not how it looks.  Don't let perfect be the enemy of good!

I also came across a quote that I love that goes right along with my word and the heart behind it:  "You don't have to be the world's definition of success.  You only have to be God's definition of faithful."  That'll preach.

I encourage you to give this a shot.  Who cares if it's not January 1st!  If choosing something for the whole year feels overwhelming, just pick one for the rest of the month.  Or, one that encompasses a single goal you have.  And if a phrase works better, go with that!  Basically, make it your own and do what works best for you.  

2017 New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!  I hope yours is off to a great start so far.  Audrey started back to school today, which always makes me sad.  I spent the morning helping a friend pack for her move (and thanking God it wasn't me facing that particular mountain right now 😅 - sorry, LS!) while Luke played with his buddy.  It was a great distraction for both of us from Audrey not being around.  

Before we go any further, I have a little confession:  I am not a fan of January. Not at all. This is mainly why:

  
I get the post-holiday blues big time.  The cold temperatures and lack of vitamin D are no help, not to mention coming back to a reality that doesn't involve dessert after every meal. (SO SAD.)  

BUT, the one thing I do like about this month is the innate goal-setting spirit that comes along with it.  I realize not everyone is a fan of new year's resolutions, but I think that's because most people don't go about them the right way.  They make sweeping statements like "I'm going to lose 20 pounds" or "I'm going to pay off all my debt" or "I'm going to get organized" or worse, "This is going to be the year I lose 20 pounds, pay off all my debt, AND get organized."  They never dig deeper to find the "why" and they never make a purposeful, detailed plan for how to achieve those things.

There are a million articles and tools to help you do all that.  I even blogged some myself a few years back on my Imperfect Perfectionist site (And no, I don't keep up with that blog anymore...I never made it a goal/resolution!  Maybe in the future, but one blog is enough for now.)  

So this is not going to be a how-to post, but I do want to share my resolutions for 2017.  I've posted them on here the last couple of years and I think it helps keeps me focused and accountable. (If you're curious, here are the ones from 2015 and 2016 along with their respective end of year updates:  Original 2015 Resolutions, End of 2015 Resolutions Update, Original 2016 Resolutions, End of 2016 Resolutions Update)

I also want to tell you about a secret weapon I'm using this year:  Lara Casey's Powersheets. I heard about them awhile back and considered buying them for a few years, but never took the plunge.  This year I decided to finally go for it.  I placed my order right before Christmas and then obsessively refreshed the shipping link for days as I anxiously awaited their arrival. They came just in time for my birthday and I majorly geeked out.  I spent hours (yes HOURS) doing the prep work, which consists of identifying what you want most out of life, recognizing your fears, naming things you're letting go of, listing what has and has not worked for you, thinking through lessons you learned and challenges you've faced, etc.  I read and reread through her goal setting series and finally put pen to paper to get it all out. I must admit it felt arduous and a little...touch-feely/hocus pocus for my realistic self at times, but I trudged through.

And it was WELL worth it.  Drumroll, please...

Here are the 8 "big picture" goals I came up with this year:

1.  Spiritual Growth 
2.  Marriage Growth  
3.  Continue to stay on track with health and fitness (more races)
4.  Declutter (goal of room-by-room, closet-by-closet, drawer-by-drawer)
5.  Have some adventures (travel, try new things locally)
6.  Improve money management 
7.  Love and serve others well individually and as a family
8.  Reflect and celebrate more (specific events planned, blog more, stay on top of photo albums)

Now if I just left that list right there, I'd be in trouble.  Those are way too lofty, broad, and scary. But I didn't leave them like that.  What you don't see (mainly because it's personal) are the details of why and how.  I spent serious time mapping out a monthly "tending list" in my Powersheets workbook with monthly, weekly, and daily goals that will help me work towards my overarching eight goals of the year.  I will do that on a monthly basis throughout the year, revising and rewriting as necessary.  At the end of 2017, I hope the result will be some serious achievement and tangible progress in each of those eight areas.  

Unfortunately, Lara is all sold out of her Powersheets for the year, but I strongly recommend you read through her goal-setting series (complete with some free printables) and start following her online.  Gretchen Rubin is another a fantastic, helpful resource.  I've also posted pictures below of a blank goal action plan and a tending list from the Powersheets workbook in case you want to create a similarly formatted document for yourself.  

(Sidenote: If any of your own goals look similar to mine and you want to compare action steps and/or share a little accountability, let me know!)

So here's to good goal setting and tending and, as my favorite page in the entire Powersheets workbook says, "Progress over perfection!"