Babies Don't Keep

In one of my Bible Study classes a few months ago, a group of us moms were lamenting about how there is never enough time to get everything finished that needs to be done. One of the ladies spoke up and shared some wisdom that her mother-in-law had recently told her. She'd reminded the young mom that one day she would have nothing else to do but to clean house. As we all mumbled in agreement and solemnly nodded over that thought, another lady (who has 18 month old twins, God bless her) broke the silence and said, "That's all well and good. But seriously - who's going to do the laundry?" Hi-larious.

If only there were just a few more hours in the day, right? How would you spend them? Personally, and assuming Audrey was asleep, I'd probably catch up on housework, cook a decent dinner, or actually finish my Bible Study homework. Maybe I'd find time to get back into coupon clipping, return some calls, or write more blog posts (I know...you're begging for that to happen.) A few weeks ago I would've added exercise to that list, but I'm actually doing okay in that department at the moment...check back with me in another month.

However, the one thing I try really hard to keep off that "not enough time to do" list is spending time with Audrey. Yes, the laundry has to be done. Yes, the bills have to be paid. Of course there needs to be a level of basic housekeeping that gets accomplished to keep the bugs (and child services) away. But, after I lay her in her crib at night and go downstairs to put her toys away, I'm happy. As I throw everything in her toy basket, inevitably turning on the one with the most annoying music by accident, I smile. The mess means we played hard. It means I took time to get on the floor with her and interact. I'm not always the best at remembering how important that is.

And, though it sounds ridiculous because she's only seven months old, she has grown so fast! Everyone warned me ad nauseam how quickly it would go by. I already wish I'd held her more when she was teeny tiny and would sleep in my arms. Now she squirms like a big girl who has a million things to go discover and see and do. Breaks my heart.

So, yeah. I wish I had more time. But there will come a day when all I have to do is clean house. Or work out. Or read. Or do whatever else I want to do that I just can't seem to squeeze in right now. But if the to-do list is longer than the day is long, as it usually is, I think I'll err on the side of enjoying my kid.

I'll leave you with this precious poem I found that fits so perfectly:

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
The shopping is not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there is a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing "Kanga" and this is my "Roo."
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958

Another version:

I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

"Typical" Day

I don't think I realized how truly precious time is until I became a mother. Like most other
things, you don't learn to appreciate it until you don't have it anymore. Of course there are still 24 hours in my day like there were before. Nowadays, though, I feel like I'm living those 24 hours in short segments. Below is a rundown I promised I'd do of a "typical" day (any mom understands why I used quotes there)!

8:00/8:30 - Audrey wakes up or I wake her up. It took me forever to realize that if you don't start their day at the same time, you’ll never get them on a schedule. I felt really stupid when I read that advice. Duh.

8:30–9:15 - She eats. I talk or read to her. Sometimes I’m simultaneously scarfing down breakfast.

9:15–9:45 – I change and dress her, get myself dressed, eat a quick breakfast if I haven’t already, and drive to the local park. (If we’re meeting someone for lunch that day or skipping our walk, this becomes activity time until she goes down for a nap around 10, and then I get myself showered and dressed.)

9:45–10:30 – I walk and give her fascinating commentary on the surrounding sights and scenes. She typically falls asleep around 10, which I try not to take personally. At that point, I crank up my iPod and try to look as cool as I did when I had six-pack abs and was running those laps, as opposed to nowadays when I’m sweating like a pig, pushing a humongous stroller, and praying I don’t pass out because I can’t remember if I’ve brushed my teeth and I’d hate for someone to have to give me CPR.

10:30–10:40 – We drive home, while I bargain with God for Him to let her stay asleep long enough for me to shower. And shave both legs.

10:40–11:00 – I shower while she sleeps in her carrier in the bathroom. If she wakes up at some point during this process, I start talking and singing quite loudly in an effort to try to keep her calm until I’m finished. I think my record is the “ABC” song nine times in a row, with much effort taken to enunciate L, M, N, O, & P so as not to send her to preschool thinking LMNOP is one long letter. Yes, I really do think about such things.

11:00–11:30 – This time period is a total gamble. If she stays asleep, I can fix my hair, put on make-up, and finish getting ready. If she decides it’s time to eat, that gets put on hold and I feed her.

11:30–12:00 – She eats. I talk, put on make-up, read to her, or channel surf - only stopping on the really educational stuff, of course. :)

12:00–1:00 – “Activity time." This can include many things. Play mat time, reading, singing, dancing, bath time, diaper changes, clothing changes, flashcard drills (at this point, that means me holding up the flashcards while she drools on them.) One of my favorites is folding laundry and making funny faces with her while reviewing colors or trying to explain the concept of pairs. I can’t quite figure out how to clarify that some things that are pairs have two parts (i.e. socks) and some things that are referred to as pairs only have one part (i.e. a pair of pants, a pair of underwear, etc.) Anyway…

1:00-2:30 - She naps. I finish getting myself together if I haven’t already and eat lunch. Then I do some combination of washing/sterilizing bottles, straightening up, checking emails, blogging, doing my ab work-out, washing clothes, paying bills, organizing something, putting photos in albums, etc. etc. etc.

2:30-3:15 – She wakes up and eats.

3:15–4:30 – More “activity time” or we go run errands.

4:30–5:30 – She naps. I do more of the previously mentioned tasks and/or start dinner.

5:30–6:00 – She eats. David usually gets home during this window and we catch each other up about our days. More often than not, he usually has to finish fixing the mess of a dinner I started. I try really hard not to give him a play-by-play of the number and color of diapers I changed. Usually, if nothing else, I can fill him in on Facebook gossip.

6:00–6:30 – David gets in his Audrey fix, which usually involves the play mat or working on her standing.

6:30–7:15 – If we’re lucky, she sleeps while we chow down.

7:15–8:00 - She wakes up and eats.

8:00–8:30 – We do our nightly ritual of bedtime stories and prayers. I love this family time together. It's so sweet!

8:30–9:15 – She catnaps on one of our shoulders while the other of us picks up or does laundry. Or we both just sit in front of the TV like bums. We’ve tried to lay her down during this time, but she’ll have none of it. I suspect that eventually she’ll start going to bed around 8:30, but she doesn’t seem to want to give up that 9:15ish feeding quite yet.

9:15–9:45 - I feed her and then put her to bed.

9:45–10:15 – I try to avoid doing anything else productive and just enjoy a few moments alone with David. Then we go to bed and usually have very little trouble falling asleep.

Sometime between 3am and 6am - She awakes to eat. I feed her, put her back down, and go back to sleep. Some nights this is easier than others!

I might as well have put "ish" after each time frame. It's 5:00pm now and she is in there stirring - clearly she doesn't have a watch. I just wanted to record what a day in our life looks like for now so I can fondly reminisce down the road...in between all the naps I'll be taking once she starts school.

SO, What WILL You Be Up To?

A few days ago I wrote a post about what I'd been up to lately. I thought I'd follow up with one about what I plan on being up to in about 6 weeks.

During the last Baby Prep class we took, the instructor had us complete a worksheet about what a typical day with a newborn is like. Even though I knew the different elements and how often each took place/long each took, I had never added it up. Wow, is it overwhelming!

Feeding: 10 feedings per day x 45 minutes per feeding = 7.5 hours (Seriously?!)

Diapering: 10 changes per day x 5 minutes per change = Approx. 1 hour

Dressing: 5 changes per day x 10 minutes per change = Approx. 1 hour

Holding/Comforting/Playing not included in above activities: 3 hours

Total: 12.5 hours per day!

That's 12.5 hours of active, awake, "doing-something-for-the-baby-have-my-hands-full" time. It does not count laundry, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, or other errand running. It also doesn't include any time for my own personal grooming, eating, working out (eventually), or any other kind of personal/couple time. That is approx. 4 hours longer than a full-time job! I don't know how moms of multiples or moms with a newborn AND a toddler or two do it!

I think a huge part of preparing ourselves for this new chapter is knowing what to expect. That's not to say we can fully comprehend the challenges and adventures that are coming, but at least we can try to wrap our heads around what is going to be involved. Having this knowledge, we can line up support while letting go of lower priority items and commitments so that we're in a better place to manage our new lifestyle.

One of the best parts is that we have so many friends and family that have successfully survived this demanding stage. I know there will be plenty of people to turn to that understand and will listen and empathize! To them and everyone else, though: Just please understand if it takes me a while to return your phone calls and emails! School does start eventually, right?!

SO, What Have You Been Up To?

Since I quit work, I have been getting that question constantly. I don’t think the people asking mean anything negative or judgmental by it, but I do think they’re envisioning a lot of Oprah and bon-bons. (Which, by the way, I’ve never eaten. I actually have no idea what they are. Chocolate candies, I guess? Anyway, I digress…)

I just politely answer that I’ve been catching up on some projects. If they know me well, they immediately understand. If they don’t know me that well, they just nod and smile with visions of bon-bons dancing in their heads. So, for those people and for my own personal satisfaction and sense of accomplishment, here is a list of what I’ve done in the past 8 days:

• Took down all the window screens and scrubbed them with comet. I washed all the windows inside and out and scrubbed every sill spotless. Seriously, feel free to come eat off my window sills. Total time: 10-12 hours over 3 days. No joke. It was ridiculous. Next year we’re hiring someone.

• Wrote and mailed 15 thank you notes from my last baby shower. Total time: 2 hours

• Reorganized the kitchen cabinets, drawers, and pantry to make room for bottles, baby food, etc. Took a box full of stuff to Goodwill. That always makes me happy. Total time: 3 hours

• Removed the shelf liner from all of the kitchen cabinets and drawers, scraped off the residue of the old contact paper, cleaned each and every cranny, and relined the shelves and drawers with new liner. Total time: 10 hours over 2 days, not including the time it took to make three trips to Walmart for more shelf liner. I’m not planning on doing this again while we live in this house, I don’t care if it needs it or not.
  
  
• Took apart, cleaned, spray painted countless coats onto, and reassembled all of our outdoor light fixtures. (David did the actual taking down and putting up, being the electrical engineer and all.) Total time: 2.5 hours
  
  
• Researched and created a birth plan. I’ll spare you the details, but the hardest and most time-consuming part was keeping it to one page (I do want them to actually read the thing.) Total time: 2 hours
  
  
• Straightened up the garage. More tossing of junk. We did a major cleaning out last spring, so it wasn’t too bad, but it did need a touch-up. Total time: 2.5 hours
  
  
• Put together a Family Emergency Kit based on http://www.ready.gov/ recommendation. Yes, I realize this makes me a huge dork. Whatever…at least I’m prepared. Including shopping for supplies at several stores and typing up all of our insurance/financial information in one document, Total Time: 3 hours
  
  
• Put away the latest shower gifts and straightened/organized the nursery. Total time: 2 hours
  
  
• Cleaned out all of our paper files and shredded a trash bag and a half full of old financial documents and receipts. Created files and folders for new stuff. Total time: 4 hours
  
  
• Cleaned out my car, put stuff where it belonged, and threw away unrecognizable fast food crumbs and bank receipts. Total time: 1 hour

There you have it: 42 hours of projects in 8 days. Of course, this list doesn’t include trips to the grocery store, bank, doctor’s office, or dry cleaners. Nor does it count the hours spent couponing, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, and doing laundry. I would guess I’ve had at least a 55 hour work week. I’ve always been a bit OCD, but I think pregnancy “nesting” has thrown me into over-drive.

So, sure, I’ve caught up on some TV. But mostly I’ve been doing projects. I think I’m ready to go back to work so I can catch my breath. Of course, I know it’s not going to slow down when Baby Girl gets here. That’s the main reason I’m trying to get this stuff finished and out of the way! Now off to tackle the master bathroom cabinets and drawers and then to the grocery store…maybe I’ll get me some bon-bons.