Babies Don't Keep

In one of my Bible Study classes a few months ago, a group of us moms were lamenting about how there is never enough time to get everything finished that needs to be done. One of the ladies spoke up and shared some wisdom that her mother-in-law had recently told her. She'd reminded the young mom that one day she would have nothing else to do but to clean house. As we all mumbled in agreement and solemnly nodded over that thought, another lady (who has 18 month old twins, God bless her) broke the silence and said, "That's all well and good. But seriously - who's going to do the laundry?" Hi-larious.

If only there were just a few more hours in the day, right? How would you spend them? Personally, and assuming Audrey was asleep, I'd probably catch up on housework, cook a decent dinner, or actually finish my Bible Study homework. Maybe I'd find time to get back into coupon clipping, return some calls, or write more blog posts (I know...you're begging for that to happen.) A few weeks ago I would've added exercise to that list, but I'm actually doing okay in that department at the moment...check back with me in another month.

However, the one thing I try really hard to keep off that "not enough time to do" list is spending time with Audrey. Yes, the laundry has to be done. Yes, the bills have to be paid. Of course there needs to be a level of basic housekeeping that gets accomplished to keep the bugs (and child services) away. But, after I lay her in her crib at night and go downstairs to put her toys away, I'm happy. As I throw everything in her toy basket, inevitably turning on the one with the most annoying music by accident, I smile. The mess means we played hard. It means I took time to get on the floor with her and interact. I'm not always the best at remembering how important that is.

And, though it sounds ridiculous because she's only seven months old, she has grown so fast! Everyone warned me ad nauseam how quickly it would go by. I already wish I'd held her more when she was teeny tiny and would sleep in my arms. Now she squirms like a big girl who has a million things to go discover and see and do. Breaks my heart.

So, yeah. I wish I had more time. But there will come a day when all I have to do is clean house. Or work out. Or read. Or do whatever else I want to do that I just can't seem to squeeze in right now. But if the to-do list is longer than the day is long, as it usually is, I think I'll err on the side of enjoying my kid.

I'll leave you with this precious poem I found that fits so perfectly:

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
The shopping is not done and there's nothing for stew
And out in the yard there is a hullabaloo.
But I'm playing "Kanga" and this is my "Roo."
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

- Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958

Another version:

I hope that my child, looking back on today
Will remember a mother who had time to play;
Because children grow up while you're not looking,
There are years ahead for cleaning and cooking.
So, quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby, and babies don't keep.

Thankful Thursday...And a Little Advice

One of these days I'm going to have the time to quit combining "Thankful Thursday" posts with other rants. In the meantime...

If there is one thing I've learned about having a baby, it's that it makes you an automatic target for unsolicited advice. "Have you tried this?" or "Don't do that!" or "Be careful about..." or "You know you should/shouldn't..."

Two examples of late are the lady in Quizno's instructing David on how to hold Audrey and the checkout lady at Publix scolding me because it was too cold for Audrey not to have a blanket. She withdrew her statement after she leaned over and felt my child's skin. (I had to take a few deep breaths to avoid feeling the skin on her face with the back of my hand.)

Yes, everybody has some words of wisdom to offer. Of course, I'm not going to pretend to know everything about babies. We have so much to learn and people really do mean well. So, in the midst of all the "blah, blah, blah" and "yada, yada, yada", I've actually forced myself to hear some of it. There have been a few precious pearls that I felt were worthy of passing on. But please, don't let this encourage you too much.

1. Put your own oxygen mask on first. I'm slowly realizing that if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of anyone else. This does not have to mean grand acts, but just simple things that ensure I have something left in me to give. What works as "oxygen" varies from day to day. Sometimes it's simply grabbing a nutrigrain bar or emptying my bladdar before feeding Audrey, even if she is screaming her head off. Other times it's a little more substantial and fun for me, like leaving her with David for an hour while I go get a pedicure. Of course, these days, it's a lot more of the nutrigrain bar-type oxygen.

2. Start as you mean to go on. I read this in one of my parenting books, and have repeated it over and over again to myself...mostly at the end of the day when staying consistant is the hardest. It refers to the importance of avoiding bad habits and establishing good patterns early on. In an effort to avoiding offending anyone, I'll use an outlandish example: If you dress in a monkey suit, stand on your head, and sing nursery rhymes while twirling your child in the air in order to put her to sleep, you had better be prepared to do that every night for quite some time. Of course, if you do find yourself following that particular nighttime ritual, I think you may have bigger problems on your hairy monkey hands.

3. Every baby is different. This is most often heard from other mommies in order for us to let each other off the hook. It is also a great response to use on people who insist their advice is gospel truth. But the fact is, every baby is different! Just because something worked miracles for your friend, your mom, or your neighbor, that does not mean it will work for you!

4. Infants do better with schedules. Well, shoot! I didn't have to hear this one twice! I've read this in several books, heard it from multiple mommy friends, and had it reiterated at both of our doctors visits. I cite these sources because anyone who knows me knows that I myself am a schedule-lover. So, lest you think I'm just making junk up, I assure you we've heard it several times from reputable people.

Now, before you think I'm insanely blessed to have my one month old on a schedule, let me clarify. I feed her on a schedule during the day, but she dictates when she eats at night. Her sleep schedule, both day and night, is completely erratic except for wake-up time and final bedtime of the day. We try to keep her awake for a little while after each daytime feeding so she doesn't associate food with sleep and require nursing to go to bed, but sometimes that is impossible when she is in a milk coma.

She naps at various times for various lengths, but I don't let her go longer than three hours between feedings during the day. (And remember, feedings are timed from the start of one to the start of the next. So if she eats at 11:30am, she is due again at 2:30pm, even if she didn't finish eating until 12:00pm.) Sometimes I have to wake her, sometimes I don't because she wakes herself up.

*Warning* For those of you tempted to give me the old "Don't wake a sleeping baby" advice, I'm going to ward you off with these words: engorgement and milk supply. Besides, "every baby is different", right? She is right on track with gaining weight, so we must be doing something correctly!

So, basically, we're not really on a true schedule yet. But, we're getting there!

And that completes my list to date. Compared to the advice we've gotten, it's amazing that there are only four things on there. That says something about people's advice, I guess. :)

And here is my Thankful Thursday list...

1. A good doctor's check-up this week! Audrey now weighs 9 lbs 12 oz and is 21 3/4 inches long. That means she has gained 1 lb 6 oz and grown 2 inches since birth! Everything else looked wonderful and they said she was perfect. Tell me something I don't know.

2. My sweet friend Holly, who is a pediatric nurse practitioner. Despite the #1 item on this list and the fact that our child has not so much as spiked a fever yet, I have already called on Holly's expertise twice and I expect I will do so many, many more times in AJ's life. That is, if Holly will keep taking my calls/emails! You're awesome, Holly, and I appreciate you so much!!!

3. Facebook. Without it, I would be totally in the dark about what is going on with my friends since I can't seem to return a phone call these days! And, as an addition to this item, sweet friends who read between the lines on status updates and call immediately to check on me. Thanks, Lex.

4. Oxyclean Baby. The stuff is amazing for getting out what the diaper didn't hold in.

5. Lunches with David. Once a week, I try to take Audrey and meet up with my baby's daddy for lunch. It's a nice break in the day for us and it helps him to get a "fix" of his girls.

So, there you have it. I hope you've got plenty to be thankful for this Thursday! Enjoy the rest of your week!

Thankful Thursday...and a guilt-ridden rant

I cannot believe it's time for a Thankful Thursday post again. This week, as with the several before it, has been a bit of a blur. Somehow, between the visitors, nursing sessions, diaper changes, and loads of laundry, the time has flown by. I'm hoping to do a "typical day" post sometime soon so that in the future I can look back and remember how I spent these early weeks.

Until then and before my list, I have a confession. I have already fallen victim to the mostly guilt-ridden trap of comparison-parenting. As I am a relatively new parent, this is a relatively new experience for me. However, I am 100% certain that it will become a demon I battle for the rest of my life.

Comparison-parenting is self-explanatory, but let me explain. It is an occurance whereby you look around at other parents, both people you know and total strangers, and size up their skills as a guardian vs. your own. What I've discovered is that it's very easy to come out on top when comparing yourself to total strangers. Of course you're doing better than the mother who is talking on her cell phone while her kid is screaming and throwing a fit in Target. Nevermind that my child is three weeks old and can't talk yet, let alone throw fits. Nevermind that her kid may have been an angel all day, but is now exhausted and finally broke down. Nevermind that that poor woman may be on the phone with her church, trying to schedule a time when she can volunteer to help the poor. Or, better yet, when she AND her child can stop by to drop off their Target purchases to a needy family, therefore teaching her child about giving to the less fortunate.

Of course this scenario isn't likely. It's more likely that she's just having a crappy parent moment. And hopefully that's all it is...a moment. Hopefully, for the sake of all of our children who may one day be in school with her child, it was just a bad moment for both of them. So, I try not to look too indignant as I push my buggy past them and move on to find an advanced-age book for my genius baby.

The other side to the comparison-parenting coin is far worse...for me, at least. It's the side where I come out as the bad guy. This has been the case a lot more frequently lately:

• Why haven't I been able to get out more? (Even though we try to make it out somewhere once a day on the days we don't have visitors, I still feel like I should be able to do MORE by this point.) So-and-so has already been to France and back with her one month old.
• Why can't I make it through an entire 30 minute feeding without running out of educational things to talk to Audrey about? So-and-so's kid was reciting Shakespeare at the age of 3 because she would read it to him while she was nursing.
• Why am I not eating more fruits and vegetables? So-and-so is the picture of perfect nutrition. She was even quoted as an expert in Parenting Magazine.
• Why am I not okay with leaving Audrey with anyone but David yet? So-and-so already has three regular babysitters. Who each have early childhood education degrees and are infant CPR certified, of course.
• Why doesn't anything in my closet fit? So-and-so wore her pre-pregnancy jeans home from the hospital. (And by the way, I totally called THIS so-and-so a bad name behind her back.)
• Why can't I leave the television off more? (For the record, I never let AJ face towards it. I just mean when David and I watch it.) So-and-so removed all of the tv's in their house the day they brought their child home and only allowed classical music to be played on the radio.
• Why am I not taking more pictures and video? So-and-so had their foyer wallpapered out of all the photos they took of their baby.

These cases are obviously exaggerated. But, even so, I'm probably just catching them in good parenting moments. But I still have times during the day that I feel like crap. And I realize these moments are never going to go away. They'll just turn into bigger, crappier feeling moments as Audrey gets older. So what's a mom to do? Well, I don't know yet. I'm still working on it. I have figured out it helps to focus on the things I feel that I'm getting right. For instance:

• I have managed to keep Audrey alive so far. Clearly the #1 good thing.
• I talk to her A LOT. I sing the alphabet song at least ten times a day, we read plenty of books, and I explain what I'm doing just about all day, every day since "they" say this is one of the best ways to educate your newborn. I annoy myself sometimes.
• I shut-up and let her explore her world in peace and quiet too.
• I take my vitamins religiously to make up for my slacker diet.
• I haven't missed paying a bill yet. This makes me a good mom because I consider running water and a roof over our head necessities for raising a child.
• I pray for her and about her.
• I feed, bathe, and clothe the child. Okay, so we leave her in just a diaper a lot. But I do feed and bathe her.
• I pick her up and hold her, and not just when she is crying or eating. Sometimes I do it just because I want to stare at her and admire God's workmanship.
• I have showered and brushed my teeth daily since she was born. This makes me a good mother because I don't subject her to bad B.O. and I'm leading by example with good hygiene habits.
• I refuse to talk on the cell phone while driving with her in the car. I realize this will probably end, but I'm proud of it so far.
• I love her Daddy tremendously and, amazingly, I haven't driven him away with my hormonal insanity yet. I haven't even cursed at him. Don't get me wrong...I've snapped at him and uttered passive-aggressive comments, but there hasn't been any cursing. Yet.
• I love her. And she doesn't have to do a thing to earn it. I love her so much that I would lay down my life for her without thinking twice. So much so that I would seriously consider taking the life of anyone that ever intentionally, seriously harmed her. Much more than I ever thought possible.

So I'm doing a few things right. And as long as the ones on the "right" list are more important than the ones on the "wrong" list (because they won't always outnumber them), then we'll be just fine. But feel free to post any comparison-parenting stories of your own in the comment section or email them to me so I know I'm not the only crazy mommy!

Finally, my thankful Thursday list:

1. McDonald's Happy Meals. Perfect for an on-the-go Mommy who realizes at 2pm she hasn't eaten lunch yet. And yes, I know this directly relates to why nothing in my closet fits. At least I was using good portion judgement.

2. Close proximity to civilization. As I said before, we try to go somewhere everyday that we don't have visitors. It may be a quick trip up to Publix for milk or a run to Blockbuster, but it's out and I'm thankful we have so many choices close by!

3. Our DVR. Because we never know when we're going to get 45 minutes of uninterrupted television time.

4. My back pain slowly dissipating. Thanks for your prayers. It's feeling a lot better!

5. A God who loves me, despite both my real and perceived faults. And I'm thankful for His Word, specifically these verses I came across today: "But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 9-10

I'll post more pictures either Saturday or Sunday. We've got more visits this weekend, so I'm going to hold off until then...

Have a great weekend!