Contradictions of Parenthood

Parenthood has brought about many surprises, revelations, and lessons (yes, even our few short months of it). Among them, I've discovered a few contradictions:

1. You gain the ability to multi-tasking like never before, but can also switch that to a laser focused one-track mind. I can successfully nurse Audrey while simultaneously pumping, eating lunch, and checking email. On the other hand, there are moments when I'm holding her and looking into her eyes and the world just stops. Nothing else exists, let alone matters.

2. You either look like death warmed over or you're all decked out. Sometimes I get dolled up and wear heels to the grocery store just to make sure I remember how to walk in them. Other times (read: most of the time), I'm "that woman" who hasn't showered, isn't wearing a stitch of make-up, and is sporting sweatpants from high school that Goodwill would refuse to accept. You know, the woman you try not to make eye contact with because you're embarrassed for her. So, if you see me looking done up at Wal-Mart, don't be impressed. It's probably the only time all week I've simultaneously had my hair fixed, make-up on, and am wearing cute shoes. If I'm in the sweatpants, do us both a favor and just act like you didn't see me.

3. Your level of patience exponentially increases and then nose dives back to zilch depending on the circumstance. I can review colors a thousand times and read books over and over or walk AJ fifty laps around the downstairs when she's crying. I have gotten up every night for months on end and, though I'm tired of it, I'm patient about it. However, when it comes to dealing with other people and situations, I'm less tolerant than I used to be (which really wasn't all that much to begin with.) Red lights - which usually cause her to start crying - drive me nuts and getting stopped by a train can result in breaking out in a sweat. I don't think anyone understands being in a hurry more than a nursing mother. We have carefully timed our outings to avoid meltdowns (hers, not mine) and leaks (mine, not hers) and rarely have a minute to spare. I am a slave to the clock and I expect things and people to be on time moreso than I ever have before. So please...count your items carefully before you get in the express lane in front of me. It would really throw me off schedule to be arrested for indecent exposure at Publix.

4. You grow closer in some relationships and distanced in others. If you have a child under a year old, you're on my speed dial these days. If you don't, chances are I owe you a phone call. Sorry 'bout that.

5. You find yourself wishing time would speed up and then moments later, praying it would slow down. There are moments during my day when I feel like I'm going to be nursing around the clock and changing diapers for the rest of my life. I selfishly wish we could move on to solids, have her potty trained, and sleep through the night. Then suddenly, after a 3am feeding when the house is still and quiet, I'll snuggle her in my arms and realize how she fits differently than she used to. How much heavier she is now than she was a few months ago. How her legs stretch out much longer and her head takes up more space on my shoulder. And I realize that every milestone she reaches means she needs me less...and I ask God to keep her tiny just a little while longer.