Nos of 2018

As I wrote in an earlier post, this past year was a very busy one, especially August through November.  Notice I didn't list December because it actually wasn't too chaotic.  (And don't think that didn't make me stop and reflect:  If I'm pulling off all the chaos that Christmas entails on top of two class parties and THAT feels like a break, I may need to reevaluate.)  

But here's my struggle:  For one thing, I'm locked into certain commitments until the end of the school year.  For another, I don't think I want to quit any of my "jobs" and might just be crazy enough to re-up for the next school year.

Whether or not I will sign on for everything again remains to be seen.  (And whether or not David will be on board with that is also unknown...poor guy.)  What I do know is that some things HAVE to change to make room for what's already on my plate.  I've been giving it a lot of thought for the past couple of weeks and came up with a list of "nos" for the year ahead along with coordinating "whys" and "yeses".  Somehow that feels much more empowering and in control than thinking of all the yeses I'm already committed to.  

So, behold: My list of "Nos" for 2018.  Feel free to hold me accountable!

1)  NO:  Triathlons   

WHY:  Training for triathlons is difficult because, well, you're training for a triathlon.  But it's also very hard because you're trying to schedule and balance three different sports.  What's the weather? What's my schedule on this day?  What is traffic going to be like for biking?  Is it light enough or warm enough to bike at that hour?  Is the neighborhood pool warm enough or do I have to drive to the indoor one at the gym?  Can I handle a long swim and have time for a run after?  What gear needs washing, drying, replacing?  And then to try to fit in some weight training with all of that?!  No way.  And we're talking about very short tri distances...I cannot imagine those that do much, much more than I do!  The past two years I've spent the first part of the year working my butt off and the early summers laser-focused on the races.  I'm not doing it this year.  

YES:  Running and weight lifting...my first loves.  If I want to go for a bike ride or a swim, it'll be because I want to, but not because I'm training.

2)  NO:  Hosting major events/parties

WHY:  The past few years, in addition to the kids' birthday parties, we have had several big parties/celebrations at our house with a lot of guests.  They have been AWESOME and a ton of fun, but they have also been a ton of work.  Especially because I use them as a motivator/deadline to tackle big home improvement projects, which creates extra stress and expense.  

YES:  We will continue to host our kids' birthdays if they end up here and our couples' small group.  We are also up for all the casual pizza party gatherings or laid-back cookouts we can handle.  But no mega bashes this year.  

3)  NO:  Consignment sale overkill

WHY:  Since 2012, I have participated in at least two consignment sales per year every year.  This involves hours upon hours of gathering, sorting, hanging, pricing, and tagging the kids' old clothes/toys/gear and then lugging it 45 minutes over to Lawrenceville, spending an hour putting it out on their sales floor, and driving 45 minutes back.  The past few sales have not been very profitable, mainly because I have less stuff to sell than I used to.  Their stuff also gets worn out since they wear/use it a lot longer these days.  I want to continue selling because it is a little income and allows me to shop the special seller's preview sale, where I get 75% of both kids' wardrobes, but I cannot invest so much time anymore.  

YES:  I am allowing myself 2-3 hours to deal with preparing consignment stuff and what doesn't get done goes to a resale store or gets donated.  I'm not spending days upon days dealing with Ziploc bags and zip-ties and researching prices only to make an extra $3.    

4)  NO:  Homemade Christmas gifts for teachers...ALL the teachers.  Their regular teachers and their specials teachers and their admins and their school counselors and their small group leaders etc. etc. etc.

WHY:  Y'all.  Do I even have to explain this one?  

YES:  I don't know yet.  But not that.

5)  NO:  "JIT" responses to events (inventory term meaning "Just in Time")

WHY:  I can't tell you how many times this year I was cramming tissue paper in a gift bag at the kitchen table as we loaded the van for a birthday party and yelling out to David, "Did you get Audrey's cupcake?!"  I realize this is how many people live all weekend every weekend and sometimes it cannot be helped, but for us, "JIT" prep and execution has to go back to being more the exception than the rule.  

YES:  Get ahead and stay ahead of events and holidays.  And if that means turning down an invitation all together in favor of less busy and more family time, that's going to get a yes sometimes too.  

6)  NO:  Maximer decision-making

WHY:  I am what Gretchen Rubin calls a "Maximizer": 

"Maximizers want to make the optimal decision. So even if they see a bicycle or a photographer that would seem to meet their requirements, they can’t make a decision until after they’ve examined every option, so they know they’re making the best possible choice.  (Conversely), satisficers are those who make a decision or take action once their criteria are met. That doesn’t mean they’ll settle for mediocrity; their criteria can be very high; but as soon as they find the car, the hotel, or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied." 

She goes on to explain that the research shows Maximizers are often less happy with their choices even after all that work because they spent so much time and feel continued anxiety about whether it was the right choice.  

A recent example would be when I made multiple trips to multiple stores in search of the perfect tile for our laundry room and mudroom.  Of course that was for something expensive that would be around for a very long time, but sometimes I do this for things like door mats or kids' birthday party decorations.  No more.  I am definitely better than I used to be in this area, but there is still room for improvement

YES:  Limit my choices along with the amount of time I allow myself to decide.  

7)  NO:  Major home improvement projects for the first six months  (The only one I put that time limit on because it's my list and I can do that.)

WHY:  We have spent thousands of hours and thousands of dollars over the last five years working on this house and we need a break.  We will probably get the fence painted and do some planting in the spring, but beyond that, it's time for some time off from major work.  I've created a rule:  it has to cost under a certain amount and take one day or less to do from start to finish (including researching and making all purchases for it), or it's off limits.  So, for example, replacing a few photographs or hanging a new picture is a yes, painting an entire room is a no.  

YES:  Decluttering (hoping to go room-by-room, drawer-by-drawer again), simplifying, managing, and just plain enjoying the home we've created together. 

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So there you have it.  My list of "Nos" for 2018.  I'll be posting my PowerSheets goals and Word of the Year sometime in the next few days, but I loved starting off with these!  It feels very liberating!  What would you put on your list of "Nos" for the year?